Affairs are a stunning betrayal of the heart and the pain can cut through you like a knife. Trust me though, if you choose to, you can learn from it and come to realize that you have grown and are a better person.

Sometimes the most difficult lessons in life are the ones that force us to break out of our box and make a decision. You can either learn from the pain or you can be destroyed by it. Everything depends on where your thoughts are control what you think about and you will control your life.

Seven Signs of a Cheating Husband

1. Is your husband paying more attention to his appearance? Is he wearing new clothes; using cologne; and make sure his hair is combed? If this is not his normal behavior then this is a huge sign your husband is having an affair.

2. Is he critical of you and has he been picking fights lately? This is another big sign. My ex was very cranky around the time he was cheating and I couldn't understand why he was so angry with me. I remember one night he got dressed, put on his shoes and brushed his teeth. I thought it was odd because it was late and it looked like he was going somewhere. Instead he sat on the couch. As I was finishing something on the computer, he yelled: "So you're not going to spend any time with me? Fine, I'm, going to my friend's house." And he got up and left. I realized later that he was purposely picking a fight so he could have an excuse to leave the house. His "friend" was, of course, his lover.

3. Watch out if he is suddenly too nice to you. If this is not his normal behavior then he could be feeling very guilty and trying to assuage his pangs of guilt.

In my last article, I wrote about things to consider before making the decision to divorce. This article deals with accepting and recognizing when it is time to "throw in the towel." Below are a few signs that you are dealing with a marriage that has gone past the point of saving...in my opinion.

Are you to the point that your spouse just can't do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin?

Shortly before my Aunt and Uncle divorced, I heard her say, "If he died tomorrow I'd have to peel an onion before I could shed a tear." Their marriage had gone on way too long. So long that she had developed feelings of animosity toward her husband. If you feel yourself moving in that direction, do yourself and him a favor and move on.

Are you tired of the trying, so tired you can't muster of the energy to even engage anymore?

Trying to solve marital problems can turn into a cycle of the wife trying to get her needs met and the husband stonewalling or dismissing her. A woman will normally try to re-engage her husband. Women are natural problem solvers who don't give up easily. She will eventually tire of trying to engage her husband in finding solutions to the marital problems. She will withdraw, stop expressing her needs; and once this happens, the marriage is headed for separation or divorce.

Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder?

Are you like Megan, one of First Wives World's Community Bloggers? Does the idea of sex with your husband cause you to feel trapped, like you want to cry, pack your bags and never come back? If so, it is time to act on your feelings.

Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment?

Here are some questions from firstwivesworld.com bloggers. I hope my responses will be helpful!

From Megan Thomas: Can you recommend some books to read for healing a relationship?

There are a number of great books I'd recommend on this topic. My friend Lisa Steadman wrote, It's a Breakup Not a Breakdown about moving on and changing your life after a relationship. I've also heard that Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher is an insightful and inspiring read. Or, if you want a light-hearted advice book, I contributed to You Can Keep The Damn China: And 824 Other Great Tips on Dealing with Divorce in which hundreds of divorcees share their experiences of splitting up and moving on.

From Julie Savard: Do you believe that "living apart/together" relationships are healthy ones? Do you think this type of relationship is a good option to keep love together and that separating households can resolve some of the conflicts cohabitation brings to a marriage?

Many couples have unconventional arrangements that work for them. I know a married couple who swear by living apart, saying that the space keeps their passion alive and let's them maintain their independence and self-expression. I also know a divorced couple who both claim that this set-up distanced them so much that they started to lead very separate and disconnected lives. The bottom line is that living with another person will be both challenging and rewarding. A fulfilling relationship will look different to different people; and I truly believe that 'healthy' is defined by how much the relationship is meeting the needs of both people involved.

Below, I've answered questions from firstwivesworld.com bloggers. You might find my responses applicable to your life and sign!

From Naomi Dunne: I've always wanted to find out my rising sign (ascendant) but the charts scare me. I'm terrified I'll get the time zone wrong or something and then screw the whole thing up. What's an easy way to find out my rising sign?

Dear Naomi,

First off your chart is nothing to be frightened of, after all it is a cosmic recipe of all the ingredients that have gone into creating YOU. Your rising sign is based on the time of birth because that is when a child interacts with the earth's enviroment for the first time. The rising sign or ascendant is the actual constellation that was on the horizon when a child takes its first breath.

With the computer is is very easy to find out your rising sign. If you go to any of the Websites that calculate charts, and usually they will do this for free, just enter your birth day, year, place, and time. Make the time as accurate as you can. You should be able to find it on your birth certificate or if not, you can contact your state capitol and it will be recorded on the "long form" of your birth certificate. Then press a button and you will see your rising sign, the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto. The astrology program has corrected for all the necessary data in time changes, daylight savings time, standard time...or whatever the particulars are of your birth time..

Many times people ask me what sign is romantically compatible with their sign. They tell me they're not supposed to get along with Aries (or some other sign) but they've had relationships with Aries for years, am I wrong?

The "answer" lies in understanding your whole chart and for that you should get your chart read by a good astrologer. In terms of lust and romance, the sign that your Venus and Mars was in when you were born may hold some clues for happiness between the sheets, as well as in love. Or your moon sign may call out to another's moon and your emotions feel in sync. It's more complicated than just saying that Cancerians are a good match for you, or conversely that all relationships with Scorpio are bad matches. Self-knowledge is the key.

However, we live in a fast-paced society and people may not want to take the time to understand their whole chart. There's a simplified way to determine what signs work for you in terms of overall communication — that is, between the sheets, talking, dating or planning a life together.

Each astrological sign has an element — fire, earth, air and water. Signs of the same element speak the same language and their communication on all levels is usually easy and fun. So find your elemental buddies and see how it goes. The fire signs are Aries, Leo and Sagittarius. The earth signs are Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn. The air signs are Gemini, Libra and Aquarius, and the water signs are Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces.

Below are some specific combos that mix the elements, but usually create highly-charged chemistry.

Top 10 Hot Matches:

1. Scorpio woman and Taurus man: These opposite powerhouses goose up the sexual temperature. Water and earth make everything grow.

On Valentine's Day, every woman of every age should be issued one tall, dark, handsome somebody to share long, loving looks and dinner over candlelight. Cold pizza in front of the TV isn't so bad, most of the time. That particular day though has the power to leave a single woman feeling hopeless and unloved — and cold pizza just doesn't cut it.

It seems everywhere I look lately I see red, heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and lovely cards with pink hearts reminding me of the day set aside for honoring love. For me Valentine's Day brings to front all the romantic longings and yearnings I've kept tucked away in crimson colored recesses of my heart. Romantic longings and yearnings that can rise up like a title wave to overwhelm me.

But, then I remember that Valentine's Day is about LOVE. It is about love for ourselves, our friends, our family, those who have helped us, those who need our help and those who, by birth and friendship are our family.

Valentine's Day can also be a day of remembering situations worse than being alone. It is better to be ...

A woman alone than a woman whose husband belittles her.

A woman standing alone than a woman being dragged down by negative emotions.

A woman loving life than a woman who dreads each day spent in an unhappy marriage.

A woman who gives her heart to her work, her children, her friends and family or any good cause other than a husband who won't cherish the heart she has to give.

So, if you are alone this Valentine's Day don't spend the day pining away for a knight in shining armor or some tall, dark handsome someone to share loving looks and dinner over candle light. Don't spend the day brooding over what you wish you had but spend it celebrating the love you already have.

Sex buddies may be an option for divorced women who don't feel like getting emotionally attached.

You've been hurt once and now you want to take it slow. You don't want to get emotionally involved but you have sexual needs, so you decide to find "a friend with benefits."

Most men will eagerly accept a no-strings attached sex buddy. After all, men are biologically programmed to separate sex from love. The male body produces up to 100 times more of the sex hormone testosterone, making the male sex drive spontaneous, selfish, urgent and in the words of psychoanalyst Dr. Michael Bader, "ruthless" and driven to achieve sexual satisfaction at all costs.

Women, on the other hand, have difficulty compartmentalizing sex and love. It's not that women don't engage or can't enjoy casual sex — they certainly do — under certain circumstances. But women are much more likely to become emotionally invested during casual liaisons, imbuing them with romantic notions and visions of a shared future.

So how do you protect yourself from getting hurt?

First, stay away from men who you feel an instant attraction to- chances are these types of men subconsciously appeal to your "love map", or your prototypical romantic ideal developed in your formative years. These sorts of men will automatically trigger your desire for attachments and will not make good "sex buddies".