Divorce is a complicated process emotionally, legally, and financially. Thoughtful planning and patience, however, can make your decision to divorce — and the process itself — smoother.

Planning should begin from the moment you have a single notion about getting a divorce. Trust your instincts that divorce may be in the cards and begin to plan logically while you still can. Take note, for example, that much of the business of private investigators comes from spouses engaged in pre-divorce planning. Savvy divorce lawyers tell prospective clients to find out as much as possible — as early as possible — before the papers are even served. Divorce lawyers Steven Fuchs and Sharon Sooho advise women to "win" the divorce battle with the ancient Chinese tactics of strategic planning, stealth, and deception.

So put an end to your natural inclination to be a "good girl" who only wants "what is rightly mine, fair and reasonable" — because you may be in for a big surprise. Men are used to planning, and preparing for battle is the key to winning. Don't lose your divorce because you enter unprepared. Plan for your divorce and learn what is needed to get the best possible divorce outcome.

Here are five critical financial actions you should take before you even think about divorce:

1. Make copies of all financial records and statements; compile your list of assets and debts. Know where your money is and what you owe. Make a list of all institution names, account numbers, title on accounts, balances, credit lines, interest rates, type of investments, etc. Knowing exactly what is at stake financially will alleviate surprise, hasten discovery, and avoid delays later on. Find a safe place to store everything confidentially.

From Maya Halpin: My husband and I contribute to household bills according to our income. In other words, since his income represents 75% of our total household income and mine represents 25%, he pays 75% of the bills and I pay 25%. Since we've never paid in 50-50 to our lifestyle, does that ruin my chances to get "traditional" alimony if we were to divorce? (We have no kids.)

Lili Vasileff writes:

Alimony is determined by several legal statutes:

In determining whether alimony shall be awarded, and the duration and amount of the award, the court shall hear the witnesses, if any, of each party, and shall consider the following factors:

1. The length of the marriage,

2. The causes for the dissolution of the marriage,

3. The age, health, station, occupation, amount and sources of income, vocational skills, employability, estate and needs of each of the parties,

4. The property division which the court might make, and

5. In the case of a parent to whom the custody of minor children has been awarded, the desirability of such parent's securing employment.

There is no absolute right to alimony. The court isn't required to give equal weight to each of the specified items it considers in determining an award.

Slowly, the courts have begun to see they don't need to award alimony permanently, like it always was in the past. Today, alimony can still be awarded permanently, but it also serves to "get people back on their feet" after a divorce — not just women, but men as well. Although alimony is usually reserved for longer marriages (i.e. more than 10 years), and/or when one spouse earns substantially more than the other, this is not always the case. Alimony is basically dependent upon the paying spouse's ability to pay and the receiving spouse's need for support.

From Julie Savard: I'm recently divorced and I have two children. Money is very tight; I'm trying to make ends meet and build a better life for us, but it's hard right now. That's okay; things will get better. But I want to continue having a "normal" life for my kids. What's the best way to spend a little on them without breaking my budget and allow them their usual activities or treats? I feel like I'm spending when I need to save, but I don't want my kids to feel like we have to scrimp!

Craig Hyldahl writes:

Hi Julie,

Having to lower one's normal spending post-divorce is tough enough for an adult; reducing spending on the kids is even more difficult — they don't understand why they can't do their normal activities, and you struggle with guilt and frustration.

How do you stretch limited funds?

Not to worry! Several of our clients have come up with ingenious ideas that were very inexpensive that their kids loved; here are a few (along with one of my own):

Trips to Washington DC: I don't know where you live, but visiting our nation's capital can be incredibly exciting and many of the museums are free. Click here for more.

Shore/Lake Day Trips: pack a lunch and off you go!

Baseball Games: I know a mom who could no longer afford to take her kids to professional baseball games. Instead of giving up on the idea, she found a local minor league team where tickets are very inexpensive and "the between innings contests" are a highlight for her boys.

Local library/Town Hall: Look at the postings and newsletters for free/discounted events.

Hiking Trip: My business partner swears by this-lots of sightseeing and picture taking to a local preserve.

From Naomi Dunne: When you're first on your own after a split, the financial elements can be completely overwhelming. It seems like every expert has a different idea of what we should be doing with our money, but right after a divorce is not the time when you've got cash to spare. I have student loans, a very small amount of credit card debt, no car payment, no mortgage payment — I rent — and no money saved for emergency funds or retirement, let alone my kids' education. Where do I put my cash first?

Sanyika Calloway Boyce writes:

Naomi, I proud of you for taking a proactive step with getting your finances in order post-divorce and more importantly recognizing that you need to find a solution that works for your unique situation.

While it might feel like you've"lost time" just remember that it is never too early-or too late-to take control of your finances so good for you for taking this necessary step.

I suggest you get a handle on your finances in 4 steps. The very first thing I'll stress is that you cannot afford NOT to save, because as women we'll likely live an average of 9 years longer than men and we need more saved to support our lifestyle — longer.

1. Open and maintain a saving account solely in your name, this is just a smart thing for every woman to do regardless of your martial status. Make a personal commitment to always keep at least $100 in the account as a foundation you can begin to build upon.

2. Commit to saving at least 5 percent (preferably 10) of everything you earn. It might not seem like you have any money to do this but start small by exercising your saving muscle with coins.

Here's what you do:

A. Get a coin holder (ideally a jar that's not easy to stick your hand into!)

B. Commit to dump all of your coins in the jar at the end of the day

From Megan Thomas: If I file for divorce, yet still have some joint credit accounts with my husband that I haven't yet closed, am I responsible for any debt he incurs during this time? Also, what is the smartest financial move for me: saving up some money and stashing it away, or working hard to pay down the debt we have together so I'm not burdened with it during the divorce?

Stacy Francis writes:

Don't let your ex ruin your credit and don't stick your head in the sand!

Once you've identified your debt, of course, your main goal is to keep it from getting any worse. The easy and quick way to do this is to close any joint credit card accounts prior to becoming separated or as soon as possible after separation. At the very least, you should refrain from using any joint cards once you are separated and open up your own credit card accounts.

If you and your spouse are cooperating with each other, you may be able to agree on a card or two that will remain in effect for designated purposes subject to designated limits on spending.

What happens if you keep the card open and your spouse makes a barrage of new charges? Generally, your husband will be held responsible for any debt that he incurs after the date of your separation.

Don't forget that if your husband does not make the payments on this joint card, you will be held responsible. Credit card companies want their money, and if your husband is not able to pay them, then they will certainly come knocking on your door. This could wreak havoc on your finances and your credit report.

The smartest move is to make sure that the minimum payments for any debt that you or your spouse have are being made on time throughout the divorce. You want to make sure to maintain a good credit score before, during, and after divorce.

From Elaina Goodman: Even though I'm constantly struggling, I don't want my kids to grow up with a scarcity mentality, so we talk a lot about helping people with less and we always donate when we can. When I can't afford to buy/do something, I approach it in terms of already having plenty and not needing more. When my gas was turned off for lack of payment, I explained it as the heater was broken and we'd have to get someone out to repair it. What else can I do to ensure they don't take on the stress/worry/fear of having too little resources?

Maryann Kelly writes:

Elaina, your concern goes to the heart of the American family and you are not alone in your balancing act of wanting to live abundantly while having the constraints of a budget. I believe children under age 12 cannot appropriately grasp household financial management issues, and keeping then in the dark when there are problems is best. The potential stress and worry would be difficult for them to process.

However, once in their early teens, children can understand and appreciate the truth about the financial matters in their own household. It can be presented in a truthful, matter of fact, yet hopeful and abundant manner. A child can be reassured that the family unit is safe and able to maintain a place to live, but that mom is rebuilding her savings safety net in order to create options for the family in the future.

This is where a Family Mission Statement written and posted on the wall can come in handy. The Mission Statement can list their commitment to education, helping the less fortunate, saving for the future and not taking on debt or living beyond their means. The family can discuss times when going into debt is a good thing (like going to college, buying a home, or even buying a car to get to work in). But debt incurred simply to have more clothes or electronics is not something they believe in as a family.

Divorce costs in the United States vary, but one expert estimates a cost range for divorce between $10,000 and $15,000, with an average of $15,000. The obvious fact is that most couples fail to budget for divorce like they would for a wedding or funeral. Their expectations about the cost of divorce are based on hearsay, interviews, and generalities. In fact, costs can be managed by clients to a large degree, but not totally so. So when someone says I want the least costly divorce possible — what do they mean and really want? Sometimes, the old adage "you get what you pay for" is not only true, but dangerous. Aiming to find the cheapest divorce possible should not be the prime motivating factor for anyone in a contested divorce. (Click the following for an overview of The Five Key Ways To Get a Divorce and the Specific Costs Involved.)

The risks of cutting a deal on the "cheap" may have not only short-term risks, but long-term financial consequences that cannot ever be "undone". Property division is a one shot deal for the rest of your life.

The "what ifs" are the most painful and avoidable elements in divorce everyone should face head on. To be blunt, you should embrace the opportunity to pay for this knowledge to have peace of mind post-divorce. A divorce financial planner is the expert you want and need during divorce to make strategic recommendations in a cost-efficient manner in any legal setting.

If you're like most parents, you tend to give your kids the same type of advice your parents gave you: "Go to school and get good grades so you can get into a good college and get a good job with a good company that offers good benefits." While this advice is well meaning, in most cases it is not applicable for our children entering the workforce today.

Does this scenario sound familiar? After graduating from college, young people get good jobs and the money starts flowing; the avalanche of credit card offers arrive, and with it comes increased spending. Once married, "double income, no kids" becomes the norm, accompanied by ever-increasing spending. Now comes the house and kids, followed by pressure to buy an even bigger house and car to keep pace with their peers. Add the additional expense of college savings and fancy vacations and, well, you get the picture.

It's like running faster and faster on a treadmill; you work harder and harder, yet are getting nowhere. For the rest of their working lives, this once happy couple is trapped; they have learned nothing about money, and are forced to work like mad to make ends meet.

This insanity must stop!

The only effective way to stop this generational attitude toward money is to reeducate our children in how they think about and handle money. One of the biggest reasons why our children are facing these spiraling money woes is their demand for instant gratification. "I will put this on my credit card so I can go on vacation now." "I will take a loan on my 401k to have a new BMW now."

We have to teach our children at an early age not to succumb to the pressure of our culture's spending habits.

Divorce often changes everything, especially your financial situation.  And unless you were the ex-wife of Michael Jordan ($150 million settlement), Steven Spielberg ($100 million settlement), or the recently divorced Heather Mills ($80 million settlement), you may be feeling the financial fallout of living on less money.

As if divorce isn't enough of a kick in the pants, you also have to be alert to what could happen if your former "love bird" turns into a vulture post-divorce.

When it comes to outstanding balances on credit — even when it's part of your divorce decree that your ex is responsible for making payments if your accounts are jointly owned — you are still legally responsible for payment when your name appears as a co-signer on the account...regardless of what the court says.

How can this be? Well, when you applied for joint credit, you both assumed repayment responsibility. And because of that assumption of debt, the responsibility will not simply be wiped away because you are no longer married.

No one knows you better than your ex; most often they have access to your favorite passwords, your account numbers, driver's license, and even social security numbers — all the pertinent information necessary to assume your identity and wreak havoc on your credit score.

So as soon as you begin the separation process, and most certainly when divorce is inevitable, you must protect yourself by:

• Getting a fraud shield put on your social security number - this is a service that you can get from the three major credit reporting agencies which will alert you via phone or mail if anyone is attempting to get credit in your name - including you.

Volumes have been written on how to handle your finances. We are going to try and cover it all, so fasten your seatbelts.

Set priorities

Sit down with a cup of tea and think about what it is that you want in life. Do you want to send your children to Harvard? Retire at 45? Travel the world? Open your own business? Write down all of the ideas that pop into your mind. Once you have these ideas down, prioritize them from the most important to the least important.

Track your spending

At the end of the month, do you find yourself wondering where all your money went? For a month, track every penny you spend (even the $1.00 you spend getting a drink from the soda machine) in a spending diary. At the end of the month, sort what you spent into topics like dining out, groceries, clothing, grooming, etc.

Create a budget

Review your spending diary and the amount of money you have coming in each month. Does your spending align with your priorities and values? Create a workable monthly budget that reflects your priorities and values. Your expenses should be less than your income.

Get out of debt

Many people find themselves surrounded by debt, whether it is school loans, credit cards, or home mortgages. Being debt-free is a liberating feeling. To get out of debt, start paying off your highest interest loans first.

Retirement

The best rule of thumb in preparing for retirement is to save 10-20% of your income. Start saving early so that your money can accumulate and grow for many, many years. There is a lot of flexibility in saving for retirement, including many different types of tax advantaged accounts.