According to news reports this week, Britney Spears is planning to contest some of her divorce attorney’s legal fees, arguing that they are too high.

Whether you’re Britney Spears or Brittany Smith, divorce can be a costly venture – and being overcharged by a divorce attorney can be a real issue.

According to FWW’s Diana Mercer, a California attorney who specializes in mediation and is the author of “Your Divorce Advisor,” when clients feel they’ve been overcharged, the first step is to ask for an itemized billing and compare it against your own notes of phone calls, court dates, letters, and work you know the lawyer did.

“Your best action is to do this all along during the case,” she says. “Most attorneys bill you each month (and if they don’t, ask them to) so review your bill carefully each month and bring it to the attorney’s attention if you think you’re not getting good value for your money.”

Attorney Gregg Herman, the family chair of the American Bar Association, says that the client should also reflect on the conversations they have had with the lawyer.

“Good professional lawyers always assess the cost/benefit ratio to a client in recommending a particular course of action,” he says. “Ask to meet with your lawyer to discuss your concerns. Perhaps the lawyer can explain the bill to your satisfaction — or make an adjustment so that you are both comfortable with it.”

If talking with the attorney doesn’t give you the result you’d hoped for, you can ask the local bar association about its fee dispute mediation program.

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If you plan to represent yourself in the divorce, or go Pro Se, you will have to be organized, know your state laws, get acquainted with your court clerk, and know your state’s rules of behavior for attorneys and judges.

Divorce is an emotional and legal event. If you have an attorney representing you, you are free to focus on the emotional aspect of your divorce. If you are representing yourself, it’s up to you to deal with both the emotional and legal aspects. To be successful as a Pro Se litigant you need to put your emotions on the back burner.

The best way to stay focused and protect your legal rights is organization and preparation.

Organization:

Knowledge will be your best friend; organization will be your second-best friend. The Pro Se litigant will accumulate a mountain of paperwork through legal research and court filings. Being organized will help you stay focused and will save time and energy.

• Purchase file folders and a filing cabinet to be used before, during, and after the divorce process.

• When doing research on state divorce laws and civil procedure, print out what you find and file it away in it’s own folder. It is reference material and you want it handy.

• Have a separate file for every document you file with the courts. In that file keep the original and a copy that is stamped by the court clerk with the court stamp and dates the document was filed.

• Keep a written log of everyone you speak with, the date you speak with them and the issue discussed. It will be a quick reference that will keep you from having to spend valuable time looking back through files.

Preparation:

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Pro Se is Latin for "for himself" or "on one's own behalf." A person who represents him- or herself in court, without the help of a lawyer, is said to appear pro se.

The decision to get divorced can be difficult. You will be concerned about starting over, your children and of course, money. Money or lack thereof is one of the main reasons a person may choose to go Pro Se and represent herself during the legal process of divorce.

If you can’t afford an attorney, this articles, and the two that will follow, are for you. This is a comprehensive, step-by-step guide for anyone who needs or wants to represent herself and become a Pro Se litigant in divorce court.

Before jumping into the how-to’s of the Pro Se process it’s important to talk about the level of commitment it takes to represent yourself. Not everyone is equipped to go Pro Se. You need to be resilient and tenacious.

You will also have to:

• Deal with unexpected injustices and indignities. You will be exposed to nonsense that you would never expect in a court of law. You will meet people who will stare you in the face and lie under oath. You must be able to stare back at the nonsense and injustice and keep your cool while defending yourself and your position. Keep your outrage and anger to yourself and always respond to the indignities in a dignified manner.

• Write and speak accurately and precisely. When dealing with court documents and speaking in a courtroom setting it doesn’t matter what you intended to say. What matters is that you write and say what you mean…specifically. You want to write and speak literally and leave emotions out of the equation.

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As men set their sights on women’s earnings, their entrepreneurial spirits, and sometimes, their celebrity value, women are increasingly finding the picture of so-called equality looking very strange. How is it that women increasingly are paying alimony?

Almost one in three married women makes more money than their spouses do. This economic statistic is certainly a factor why women increasingly are paying alimony.
However, in our society, women seem surprised to have to pay alimony even if they earn more.

This is because it is a fairly recent phenomenon in our legal courts. Secondly, for many women who are breadwinners (in a failed marriage), it’s not as if they ever expected to out earn their husbands, or do all of the heavy lifting in the family, or end up giving him spending money as you would do with a child. Women often feel cheated by the legal system because it is possible that they have to reward a sit at home bum.

The wife’s sense of being the victim is intensified when children are involved. Women share disproportionately the burden of money making, household chores, and child rearing. This is usually compounded by the lack of gratitude, appreciation, and emotional support a breadwinner is typically afforded by the household.

I have assisted many divorcing women who face the prospect of paying alimony. Our financial strategy is predicated upon her entire contribution to the family, including her spouse. Most importantly, they realize they are not an anomaly. They are freed of social stigma and part of a trend that is growing in ranks.

Here are my answers to questions posted by firstwivesworld.com bloggers:

From Megan Thomas: Is there such a thing as an actual "legal separation" where you file legal documents and a petition and such, or are people considered legally separated when they live apart?

Megan: Living apart is different from being legally separated. Although both situations may feel the same, i.e. you and your husband live in different places, the meaning and implications of each choice is different. When you have a signed legal separation agreement that resolves all financial, child and spousal issues associated with the marriage, you have greater legal protection. In addition, you can use your legal agreement to outline rights you want to retain, such as retaining your ownership in the original home, despite moving out. You and your spouse remain married when you are legally separated, but should you choose to get a divorce, all of the details have already been worked out. Note that states handle the legal separation differently. For instance, in New York, if you have a legal separation for 1 year, then you can file for a no-fault divorce. If you go straight into a divorce without having been legally separated, then you must have a fault divorce. Check on your state's laws regarding the meaning of a legal separation.

From Julie Savard: I left my husband a few months back, but I'm running out of money. He's not paying child support for the kids, and I don't know what to do. Who can help me get the money he owes me?

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When contemplating divorce — I mean really taking the time to think about what’s involved throughout the beginning, middle, and end — it’s no wonder we may be drawn to any path that promises an uncomplicated journey through what’s so often a difficult process.

The promises are enticing, indeed. Claims such as “Divorce doesn’t have to be difficult” and “You can do it in the privacy of your own home without an attorney,” while true in some cases, seem to imply that lawyers somehow pollute the process (I assure we don’t!).

That said, do you need an attorney to handle your divorce, or can you truly do it yourself?

Thanks to the Internet, “Do-It-Yourself Divorce” has evolved into a concept we’ll call the “online option”.

What is the online option? In most states, you can download and complete all the necessary divorce forms from a website, and file and serve them yourself without a lawyer. There are also online services that, for a fee, offer to complete your forms based on answers you provide in a standard questionnaire. In most cases, your completed forms are then mailed to you with state-specific instructions on how to file and serve them.

The “online option” is not for everyone. In fact, it’s for very few. Whether it’s right for you depends on the following factors:

Is your matter uncontested?

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Can mediation truly work for a couple going through a divorce?  It may be hard to imagine it can, especially when you have been embroiled in a conflict.  The fact is that many divorcing (and non-divorcing) couples tend to fall into the same fights over and over again - and that is exactly why a neutral third person can help.

Mediation is a process used for resolving conflict. Experienced mediators such as myself can help you move through the issues and find new ground for resolution.  Here's how:

Mediators are neutral

We won't take sides with you against your spouse, or with your spouse against you. Instead, we work with you to increase your understanding of each other and your conflict. We won't make decisions for you—only you will decide what is best for your future.

You have the control

Mediation allows you to have control over the process.  You don't agree to the terms until you feel that you can live with them.  You schedule appointments on your time-frame, and can take the time you need between meetings to gather information or consider proposals.  Mediation is private and confidential, so that things such as cash income can be discussed frankly.  

Conflict is painful

Because of this, most people have a drive to resolve conflict. When people understand the sources of conflict, there is a huge release of creative energy, which leads to terrific brainstorming sessions about how to solve the problem and end the conflict.

How Mediators Work

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