Divorce can send you reeling. You may have moved, household items have been divided, routines are broken, families are split, support systems have disappeared.

It's easy to feel overwhelmed by emotions and the amount of work that needs to be done. Your kids are looking to you for more and you're not sure you can even take care of yourself. You struggle to be in control, go into hyper-drive to get a handle on things and still feel lost and no more in control than when you started, right? That's because acting in control is not being in control.

The difference is...

Remember the exercise we did last week? Fake authority leaves you feeling weak, scattered, heavy. You get a sinking feeling. Real authority grounds you. It gives you a sense of completeness, of peace. Does that mean you won't ever feel overwhelmed or emotional? No. But it does means you won't get stuck or be ruled by emotions or events. Real authority comes from our inner knowledge.

Giving away our power and authority is something we learn early in life. Milestones in our life, including divorce, offer an excellent opportunity to reclaim it.

When I was asked to do write for First Wives World, I was excited to connect with you and share my passion — helping you create the financial success, the fun, freedom and fulfillment you desire.

While I have helped tens of thousands of people do this, and have the professional credentials to do so, claiming my own authority is my most important qualification. And as necessary as it has been for helping me to create my life, finding and owning your authority will help you create yours.

It All Began On An Elevator

One of my most crucial life lessons began innocently enough in an elevator with a close friend when I was in my late twenties. The door to the elevator had closed and we weren't moving. Elaine said to me, "You didn't press the button." I nodded, mumbled, and pressed the button.

Sounds harmless, right? It wasn't. I had betrayed myself. Somewhere in me I knew I had pressed the button a few seconds earlier, but I didn't tell that to Elaine, and worse, I confused myself about what I knew. I had covered up my natural fluid knowing rather than disagree with my girlfriend.

It turned out to be a benchmark, one of those great life lessons learned. I had suffered this crime before in more substantial ways, but this time I finally "got it." By not immediately affirming what I knew, I had once again given away my authority, along with my knowingness.

We do this innocently, often, in so many ways, with so many people, most times without even realizing we're doing it. These little instances get bigger and bigger until we don't remember who we are, what we know, or how we feel.

Breaking The Habit