Affairs are a stunning betrayal of the heart and the pain can cut through you like a knife. Trust me though, if you choose to, you can learn from it and come to realize that you have grown and are a better person.

Sometimes the most difficult lessons in life are the ones that force us to break out of our box and make a decision. You can either learn from the pain or you can be destroyed by it. Everything depends on where your thoughts are control what you think about and you will control your life.

Seven Signs of a Cheating Husband

1. Is your husband paying more attention to his appearance? Is he wearing new clothes; using cologne; and make sure his hair is combed? If this is not his normal behavior then this is a huge sign your husband is having an affair.

2. Is he critical of you and has he been picking fights lately? This is another big sign. My ex was very cranky around the time he was cheating and I couldn't understand why he was so angry with me. I remember one night he got dressed, put on his shoes and brushed his teeth. I thought it was odd because it was late and it looked like he was going somewhere. Instead he sat on the couch. As I was finishing something on the computer, he yelled: "So you're not going to spend any time with me? Fine, I'm, going to my friend's house." And he got up and left. I realized later that he was purposely picking a fight so he could have an excuse to leave the house. His "friend" was, of course, his lover.

3. Watch out if he is suddenly too nice to you. If this is not his normal behavior then he could be feeling very guilty and trying to assuage his pangs of guilt.

A contested divorce, like any conflict, takes a path all its own. The stresses and strains often lead to dark places no one wants to go. This is when you need the right attorney. This is when you need a steady hand on your shoulder and the voice in your ear saying "sit down; collect yourself."

You need a lawyer you can trust. In a moment when all of life seems to spiral out of control you want the luxury of not having to rely completely on yourself. A good attorney is a shielding presence who will reassure you while giving you good advice. Here, five ways to work successfully with your lawyer:

1. Pay now or pay later. Beware of an attorney who takes a smaller retainer fee but doesn't file motions. Some couples wait for months on end to get court orders for spousal and child support payments because their attorney did not file the necessary motions.

2. Time is money. Remember that when you speak to your attorney on the phone, you are being charged per minute. Don't make the mistake of chattering on and on. Be to the point and use a timer. If it is a routine question, such as the date of a hearing, speak with the support staff rather than the attorney. Time for support staff is not often billed; and if it is, the fee is much lower than the attorney's rate.

"Are you sad because your Daddy doesn't live with us anymore?" I asked.

"No," he said. "I'm glad Dad's where he is. He yelled at me a lot when he lived with us. But when we were all there in that house..."

He stopped just as he was getting to the real problem. What my son really doesn't like is that we had to move. In the course of the divorce and its aftermath I sold our house. We couldn't afford such a big place anymore. It's something that happens in many families affected by divorce.

Selling that house broke my heart. I hated taking any of my children away from a place where they had friends and security. I hated disappointing them. As the dust settles, my children are slowly accepting this new home along with our new family dynamic. We have changed our routines and, with my husband's absence, our lives have become more peaceful. After the initial shock — of the divorce, move and gradual adjustment — my kids' grades have begun to come up and our home has less anger and blame.

Your family will slowly heal too. Hopefully, my own real-life experiences can help you get there a bit more smoothly. Take my advice:

Set realistic expectations. It's natural to be impatient at times with the slow pace of your family's recovery. But remember you are an adult. You've seen — and perhaps experienced — some of these emotions before. Though you may be going through your first divorce, no doubt you went through other breakups. You know what it is to experience deep sadness. Children don't have this kind of preparation. Remember, our situation is totally different from our kids.

Let your children grieve. They feel the loss of their family unit. Their loss of a sense of stability is at least as great as yours - perhaps greater. But whether you move out or not, your children's world is changing. It's only natural that they need lots of time to adjust.