House Blogger Faith Eggers asks:

My son is 16 months old and has only seen his father once. Although he isn't aware of it now, I'm wondering if there will be any long-term effects from the lack of relationship his father has with him.

Marsha Temlock responds:

It is difficult to know the long-term effects on your son. however, you can provide him with good male role models while he is growing up, Perhaps an uncle, good friend, grandfather, teacher or mentor (there are many such programs) can fill the bill. Many children today are raised by single parents, often women. If you need advice, contact a single parenting group. They typically have events that include children. It is much easier today to raise children when one parent is absent which is not to say that there aren't challenges. Judith Wallerstein, Ph.D. is an author you might turn to. She has done a lot of excellent research about children of divorce.

Good Luck.

Click the following to return a directory of articles and resource videos on Kids, Family and Divorce.

When eight-year-old Michael learned his parents were splitting, his first question was, "Where will I live and does that mean I won't get to see Daddy?"

Michael knew a number of kids whose parents were divorced and, already at his tender age, he was aware of the difficulties. One classmate coincidentally named Cloud floated nebulously between the residences of each parent on alternate weeks, often forgetting which school bus to take or where he'd left his homework.

Like most divorcing couples, Michael's had worked out a "reasonable visitation" schedule with their lawyers. Reasonable visitation was considered twice-a-month weekend overnight stays and one mid-week visit with dad. The exact times were specified for the beginning and end of each contact.

This arrangement seemed to satisfy the parents when they sat down and carved out the settlement; and, initially, Michael eagerly looked forward to seeing his father. In between visits, he fantasized how they would spend their time together. However, the closer it came to finalizing the divorce, the stress around visitation was making Michael anxious as both parents became locked in combat and visits with Dad became less predictable.

Looking back as an adult, Michael would remember with sadness, anger and resentment being a pawn in his parents' divorce. "I dreaded each visitation because I felt like a traitor if I had a good time with my dad. If he canceled a visit, I thought it was my fault. I remember having stomachaches the day before I was scheduled to see him."

Divorce can be a minefield for kids and it's up to parents to make visitation as smooth as possible. Here are some tips to smooth the way:

• Make it clear that you value your child's time with you and with the other parent.

• Work out a fair and practical time-sharing schedule as soon as possible.

Most step moms don't expect warm and fuzz Hallmark greetings this holiday. But, you can have a loving relationship with your step children. It just takes time.

With about half of marriages ending in divorce and a strong remarriage rate, millions of women inherit children they are expected to love, honor and cherish the day they say, "I do." It's rarely easy. But it's worth the effort.

Here are some tips to help you bond with the brood you've been given:

Be patient with your stepchild and yourself. They key is to be realistic. Remember loving feelings do not spring up automatically on either side. As one step mom said to me, "I thought I would love my husband's ten-year-old son and I had a lot of guilt when I couldn't get past some of his bad behavior."

Be sensitive to the stress he or she is experiencing. Children of divorce have to deal with many changes during and after divorce. First they had to adjust to life with a single parent, now they have to adjust to remarriage and possibly a new family constellation made up of other children and a host of new relatives they didn't bargain for.

Learn to know the child as an individual. Spend quality time with your stepchild without your husband. During those times, allow the child to direct the activity — even if it's just spending a couple of hours watching cartoons.

Don't try to replace the parent or try to buy love. If you buddy up too quickly, kids are likely to get suspicious. Besides, kids can smell a phony a mile away.

Earn respect by being respectful of differences. Don't make judgments or compare your stepchildren to other kids — especially your own! Recognize that much went into shaping the child's personality. The more open you can be, the better.

When Ellen was planning her parents' 50th wedding anniversary, one of the most difficult things she faced was convincing her ex to switch vacation schedules so their son could attend the gala event in California.

"Bob is a rigid digit. I knew he was going to give me a hard time because he resents being shut out of my family. Bob loved my parents and he would have liked to attend their celebration which was never going to happen. Not if they wanted me there!"

The upshot is Bob stuck to his guns. The boy missed the party and was furious with his father.

For both parents and children, visitation is critical in establishing a healthy working relationship during and after divorce. A flexible visitation pattern demonstrates love and support for your child. Parents who cooperate are able to separate their spousal relationship from their parenting relationship. They use visitation as an opportunity for healing, not an opportunity for revenge.

That said, how should you handle important events if you and your ex are constantly engaged in a standoff? How can you make the best of a difficult situation? Here are some pointers:

School conferences are always a challenge. If your child needs special services, arrange for a one-on-one conference and ask that a summary of any recommendations be sent to each of you so you and your ex are on the same page.

Pageants, plays and recitals often have more than one performance. Communicate the one you plan to attend. If you cannot agree, you could, of course, sit in the balcony with a paper bag over your head, but that wouldn't be very adult.

Sports events, fortunately, have bleachers. Sit far enough away from your ex but make sure to cheer loud enough for your child to hear you.

When you and your ex split, you never intended to divorce your friends. Now you're flying solo in every sense of the word — no party invitations; the phone barely rings. Where is everyone?

No doubt you have discovered one of the toughest aftershocks of divorce: Suddenly single brings a change in your social status. But don't despair. There is a silver lining to the feelings of alienation you may be experiencing. Loneliness, while unpleasant at times, is part of the healing process.

It makes space for self-discovery. Instead of bemoaning your aloneness, recognize that it is essential that you to learn to be your own best friend. After all, the key to rebuilding when a relationship ends is being comfortable in your own skin, according to Dr. Bruce Fisher, who has conducted divorce process seminars for more than 23 years. Take this time to look inward.

You're not the first, nor will you be the last person to feel abandoned socially. But before you blame the people you once called friends for deserting you, take a look inward. Your so-called social life may be partly your own doing. Do any of these examples describe you?

I have a date with must-see TV. Toni graciously passed up offers to join her married pals for dinner and drinks. Instead, she spent her evenings alone watching reruns of "Sex and the City." It filled hours of time and she took comfort in not having to be "on." Many divorced women don't realize that they are unwittingly sending the message "I want to be alone" when they decline invitations from well-meaning married friends, rather than be a third wheel.

"We're calling it quits." When these words hit, folks will have questions. You need answers — good ones that will stanch the flood of annoying queries that usually follows.

Face it. Divorce does not exist in a vacuum. It's not only you, your ex and your kids. The paparazzi — the friends, family, acquaintances, and rubber neckers in your life — are all going to be affected. You can count on shifts in your relationships as folks try to weasel out the specifics and take sides. Many people are concerned. Many are saddened. Some are just plain rude. When you break the news, remember these three guidelines:

1. Don't make this into the Tales of the Arabian Nights. Be as brief as you can.

2. Avoid embellishment. Stick to the facts.

3. Be future-oriented, positive.

Once you cover the basics, have some quick responses at the ready. With a script of gracious and succinct comebacks, you will have an easier time dealing with the paparazzi in your life and speeding up your recovery. Try these thoughtful responses to the reactions you will likely encounter:

"I realize you may not agree with my decision, but I'm going to have a tough road ahead and I could use your support (if you have kids, add this) "to make it easier on the kids."

There will be those who will try to lay a guilt trip on you or place blame. While many people will immediately side with you, there will be those who will try to suggest you should "tough it out." Instead of being defensive or baring all the inner workings of your union, stop them in their tracks with a classy response.

"I know he has his faults, but he also has some good qualities or I wouldn't have married him in the first place. I'd like to move on."

Navigating a divorce can be a bit like preparing for the Olympics in Beijing.

You must not only be psychologically and physically fit to withstand the pressure of the competition. You must also deal with the "pollution." Let's stop for a minute and look at the dirty air that can surround divorce: adversarial in-laws. 

Recently, I talked to a young woman about her horrendous experience taking on a mother-in-law who inserted herself into her son's divorce agreement.

Elaine explained: "My ex and I were seeking joint custody of our five-year-old when Bill's mother named herself an "interested third party"— demanding grandparent visitation privileges. She is a bitter, vindictive person. I knew she would be playing mind games with our daughter when I wasn't around. I also knew Bill would step back and let his mother take over if she was granted legal access.

"The upshot is my ex reneged on our original agreement and there was a full-blown trial. However, the judge was so disgusted with my mother-in-law's behavior he decided not to split custody down the middle. Bill got 20 percent and I got 80 percent custody. Bill's mother re-filled, but her demands were refused. This went on for four years!"

As in this case, most recent federal child welfare rulings favor parents over grandparents who petition for rights to gain access to their grandchildren. Even when there is evidence that a parent has been absent from a child's life (in jail, chronically ill or deemed incompetent) or the grandparents have been a primary caregiver, parents take precedence. Sometimes grandparents may have no other recourse but to turn to a family law attorney who would petition their case before the court when they are shut out of their grandchildren's lives.  

I recently read a book by Sue Miller called Lost in the Forest that focuses the lens on the way remarriage affects kids.

In a nutshell, Eva is the divorced mother of two little girls who grapple with their allegiance to their two fathers when she remarries. Daisy, the younger daughter, has difficulty articulating her feelings. John, her stepfather is able to draw her out. He is sensitive, caring. When he asks: "How is your life different from the way you would have liked it to be?" Daisy did not have to think about her answer.

She told John she wished her parents hadn't gotten divorced and that they still lived in the house up in the hills. Then, she added, ‘But then I wouldn't have you..."

To Daisy's way of thinking, stepdad the new improved version of her biological father, who tries hard to be a good dad, but lacks stability. Not only is John there for her, he makes her mother happy and he can provide the family with the comforts they've lacked.

Not all children, obviously, latch on to their stepparent. You just have to read Snow White to know stepparents — particularly, step-moms — get a bum rap. According to the experts, children between ten and fourteen years old usually will have the most difficulty adjusting to their parents' remarriage.

While you cannot force kids to be head-over-heels thrilled with a blended family, you do need to be empathetic and positive. I learned some great tips from parents I interviewed for my book Your Child's Divorce: What to Expect ... What You Can Do. Here's how you can help smooth the way for children when you contemplate remarriage:

1. Acknowledge that your child is struggling to understand his or her place in the new order. Is he making a transition youngest to oldest or vice versa? What does that mean in terms of his role and identity?

Okay, you're thinking about getting a divorce. By now you've shed enough tears and you're ready to take on the toughest challenge of all — telling your folks!

Why is it so difficult to go public? Because going public means dropping the façade. No more equivocating. Now you're serious. Once you've turned that corner, you will have to defend your decision and listen to a lot of bad advice about how to fix what you believe is beyond repair.

Going public also means dealing with the paparazzi — friends, family, neighbors and others who seem to come out of the woodwork and peer into your life. Unless you can keep cool under fire, you may find yourself short on patience when Mom lists all the reasons why you are making the mistake of your life and insists on sending you to that marriage guru who gave Cousin Sybil the love potion that saved her marriage.

Be strong. Here are some suggestions to help you make that dreaded announcement and emerge psychologically and physically unscathed.

Make a plan. Once you conclude that the "Big D" is on the horizon, script your news so that only the details you want are aired around the globe. Also, you stand a better chance of being heard if you are focused, self-assured and positive about the future.

Consider the dynamics. The way you and your parents relate to one another as adults will obviously have a lot to do with how your parents respond. Even if you are close and have always enjoyed good communication, tread lightly.

Danielle tells it this way: "My sister-in-law and I were roommates in college. I was a senior when I started dating her brother, Charles. Now that we are splitting up, Toby can't face me. That whole family sticks together and it makes me furious."

The sad reality is when couples decide to divorce — especially in the first few months — there will be those family and friends you thought you could count on who will go to the "other side." It's not that they don't care. They care deeply about you — and your spouse. It's just that they feel torn and upset. Remain positive and cut them some slack. Don't insist on undying loyalty at a time when everyone is so confused and vulnerable. Try to show some sympathy for the sympathizers by anticipating and understanding where they're coming from. These tips will help:

Family trumps friendship. Clearly, Toby is caught between a rock and a hard place. She loves Danielle like a sister, but her brother is her brother. And after all, there is good reason that clichés like "blood is thicker than water" are so often repeated.

Switzerland is not on the divorce map. People who get divorced soon discover the seas part when they go public with the news. Don't be fooled and think your friends and family can just stand on the sidelines and not get involved. And even if they try to do so, it is likely you will interpret their neutrality as treason. After all, you're the injured party, right?