Here are my answers to questions posted by firstwivesworld.com bloggers:

Question: Can an agreement reached in Mediation be re-negotiated at a later date? Do both parties have to return to the table?

Answer: An agreement signed in a divorce settlement is a binding contract. It can always be changed if both of you agree that it should be changed, and how. Then (in NY, at least) you can amend the agreement by signing a summary of the changes before a notary public.

If you are not both in agreement, then the terms of the original agreement will determine what your obligations are. If one of you feels strongly that the agreement is no longer working, you can always come back to mediation to discuss the problems.

Question: About how many sessions does it take for most couples to reach an agreement in mediation?

Answer: The majority of couples who have mediated divorces have around 2 - 4 mediation sessions. Although that seems surprisingly short to many people, once we get an overview of your situation, and begin to clearly define and understand the precise points on which there is disagreement—and why—things begin to fall into place; and the resolution creates some momentum, which can create additional goodwill, and cause more solutions to emerge.

Question: My soon-to-be ex and I are interested in mediation, and I think we have each other's best interest in mind enough to be successful. But I'm afraid once we actually get into the nitty-gritty, things could get ugly and take ages to resolve. How does a mediator determine if a couple just isn't suitable for mediation, and how long could it take them to determine that?

Answer: This question requires a 3 part answer.

When you are going through a divorce, the world is turned upside down. Your present life has changed—but your expectations for your future have also changed.

You and your ex might decide to mediate if:

Can mediation truly work for a couple going through a divorce?  It may be hard to imagine it can, especially when you have been embroiled in a conflict.  The fact is that many divorcing (and non-divorcing) couples tend to fall into the same fights over and over again - and that is exactly why a neutral third person can help.

Mediation is a process used for resolving conflict. Experienced mediators such as myself can help you move through the issues and find new ground for resolution.  Here's how:

Mediators are neutral

We won't take sides with you against your spouse, or with your spouse against you. Instead, we work with you to increase your understanding of each other and your conflict. We won't make decisions for you—only you will decide what is best for your future.

You have the control

Mediation allows you to have control over the process.  You don't agree to the terms until you feel that you can live with them.  You schedule appointments on your time-frame, and can take the time you need between meetings to gather information or consider proposals.  Mediation is private and confidential, so that things such as cash income can be discussed frankly.  

Conflict is painful

Because of this, most people have a drive to resolve conflict. When people understand the sources of conflict, there is a huge release of creative energy, which leads to terrific brainstorming sessions about how to solve the problem and end the conflict.

How Mediators Work