Shed enough tears? Done second-guessing your actions, his actions and all the "what-ifs?"

Congratulations! Now it's time to start dating.

If you're middle-aged like me, a new man won't come into your life without some effort on your part. In other words, you've got to get out there. Stop thinking about it and worrying about it. Just do it! Here's how: 

Prepare yourself. Get out your notebook. Jot down some places you can meet men. Ball games? Lacrosse matches? Try out an activity that's slightly beyond your comfort zone (join a bowling league, the library's book discussion group, a local hiking club). You may meet people you wouldn't ordinarily meet in your normal routine, and you might develop a new hobby or passion. Of course, you should also seek out areas that interest you, such as the local gardening club, health club or wine enthusiasts group. You may not meet your next date at one of these events but your circle of friends and acquaintances will broaden and you never know which of these new friends has a brother, friend or uncle who would be the perfect date for you! 

"You will be happy again," my friends said when — at 40-something — I was alone. My then-husband announced one New Year's Day he wanted a divorce. I went into a tailspin. The future looked bleak.

Now the good news: I remarried within two years to a man with whom I am much more compatible. Though I went through terrible torment at the beginning, it was well worth it. Divorce at middle age spells opportunity. You may be older, but you're also wiser and more self aware than you were a decade or two ago.

You're a real grown up. And now is a great time to go for what you really want! Know why everyone says don't dwell on the past? You can't change it. But you can certainly control how you approach your future. Putting these tips into action today:

Be good to yourself. Make time for you — finally! This is the perfect opportunity to put yourself at the very top of your to-do list. Pamper yourself with a feel-good spa treatment after work. Put up your feet for an afternoon and read a trashy novel while the laundry piles up. Give in to your whims (at least the reasonable ones!) and treat yourself well.

Talk about your feelings. Find a good therapist. Within the first month of your separation, look for someone whose approach suits you. I suggest identifying one close to your age; you'll relate to each other a lot better. Personally, it took me three tries and two months before I found a psychologist who was right for me. So search until you are comfortable with the professional you choose. Don't worry about how you will know — believe me, you will know. You won't be instantly cured of that pain in your gut. Still, each time you go you should leave the office feeling a little stronger, and a little better about yourself and your future.