Dr. Seuss once said: "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." The beloved children's author never turned his wit and whimsy to the subjects of marriage or breakups. Yet these wise words can easily be applied to divorce.

Divorce hurts. But your pain doesn't have to destroy you. Make a conscious choice each day — and for awhile it may take near-constant reminders — not to be bitter about the end of the marriage.

Believe it or not, every event in your life is balanced with pain and joy. There is another side to your divorce. You just need to put on a different set of lenses and find the gift. Ask yourself:

•What can I do now that I couldn't do before?

•What are the things I no longer have to do?

•What do I have that I didn't have before?

•What can I finally let go of?

•How can I be different now, in a positive way?

Once you recognize the benefits of your divorce, you are well on your way to moving on. What follows is a step-by-step recovery plan. Here's what you can do:

Don't be a victim. Recognize denial, anger, desperation, depression as natural and take control of your new life. He may have tried to poison your life, but make sure you don't add to it. The only person's behavior you can control is your own. You are not a victim of your emotions, your past, your husband, this divorce or your choices. You can control what you do in this present moment.

Cherish your memories. Be grateful. Find a way to appreciate and cherish the marriage you had. Maybe it produced wonderful children. Maybe it helped you become a stronger person or showed you your potential. Be happy for the time you had but know it is now a new chapter. New adventure awaits you.

Divorce can leave you hurt, resentful, raw and drained — all at the same time. Being no longer coupled, but not exactly "free," at least emotionally speaking, can make you feel stuck.

But you don't have to stay there.

Allow yourself to mourn the loss of your marriage. No matter who decided to call it quits, it's perfectly natural to lament the promise your relationship once held. In our exclusive firstwivesworld series, "Get On With Your Life," you will learn that everyone deals with divorce in her own way — in her own time. The good news is once you deal, you can heal. Part 2 of this series will help you rediscover the woman you want to be.

For now, expect to go through the five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance — before you will find strength and peace. Take stock of where you are right now so you can soon move forward. Here, a few questions to ask yourself:

ARE YOU IN DENIAL?

"This isn't really happening; I know it's just a phase and soon life will be back to normal."

"My husband is gone, my marriage is over, but maybe he'll come back."

No one can say what will happen in the future. But if you want to get past the pain, you must accept your current reality. Your marriage is over. Your husband is gone. You can hope for your future, but stop fighting what actually exists in the here and now so you can open yourself up to new adventures.

ARE YOU ANGRY?

"I hate my ex, the other woman, and/or all men in the human race."

Let it all out. Early on, feeling angry is actually helpful. It gives you something outside of yourself to focus on. But after awhile anger can be self-defeating. To figure out whether your ire has outlasted its usefulness, ask yourself: