One patient asked me: “Is it normal to anticipate failure in potential relationships, just because I am divorced?” Because of the possibility of divorce, she had asked for a pre-nup or a post-nup with her fianceé, and he was insulted.

She wanted to know, “Isn’t it OK for me to ask?”

I am seeing more and more women whose marriages have ended, and who finally realize that it was money issues that caused a lack of trust, jadedness, and bitterness.

If they are in a new relationship, they are especially eager to prevent this in the future. Some are even going as far as "date"-nups, contracts for who pays what, so there are clear boundaries. This isn’t as necessary for a night at the movies, but it becomes more so with expensive restaurants and trips out of town.

Many couples I counsel worry about how to deal with money issues. If they are living with someone, they will even tell me they don’t want to talk about money because it will spoil the romance, ruin their sex lives, and cause resentment.

If they are engaged (especially after one of them has been divorced), they may be concerned about money issues, but they are still reluctant to discuss finances.

They want to have peace at any price.

A Harris poll says that 47 percent of couples do not talk about money before getting married, and 51 percent do, but don’t do it properly.

If couples don’t talk about money, there is no way they can arrange a pre- or post-nup. But discussing money triggers a cascade of emotions and childhood issues. Those feelings can contaminate intimacy and destroy trust, and eat away at the foundation of the relationship.

Men and women struggle with the balance between money and commitment. Pre-nups and post-nups provide assurances their finances will not plummet if their relationship ends, especially in such an uncertain financial climate.