House Blogger Megan Thomas writes:

Is it true that it's less psychologically damaging for kids when the parents divorce when the kids are relatively young as opposed to in their teenage/early adulthood years? Or does this not have much bearing at all?

Tammy Gold responds:

I think that every situation is very different. The point about young children pertains to when they are very young, perhaps less than a year of age, and are not that aware of the familial environment. So if there is the juxtaposition of a child who is 3 months old compared to a child 10 years old, how they are affected will be very different because obviously the baby does not understand psychologically what is going on.

Older children have history and have built patterns, structures, and rituals with their parents which in turns shapes their personality. So for a child who has lived with his/her parents for a decade and built this history with them, their divorce would cause a great disruption to the child's world. This is because, for 10 years, this way of life is all the child has known.

Very young children and infants are less aware of things and therefore less traumatized during the big transition of divorce. However, once children are old enough to be aware of home and mom and dad living in the home they will be affected by the their parents separating and living apart. This is not to say, however, that divorce will not affect young babies. Babies — even babies in the womb — can react to parental stress levels. So while a young baby may not fully comprehend a divorce in relation to themselves or their life, they may feel the stress from their parents and react to that stress physically and emotionally.

There are many important factors to consider when discussing divorce with your children. Each family will have a different set of requirements to their discussions that will depend on the age and maturity level of the children involved. For example, what a two-year-old can comprehend is very different from what a 12-year-old can understand. Also, depending on maturity levels of the children, two children the same age may grasp and react to things differently.

Children can sense and become aware of things early on, especially when change is involved. If the status of your marriage is causing a change in your home environment, it would make sense to tell your children sooner rather than later. Although each family and situation is different, it is generally recommended that the parents inform their children early on of their intention to divorce. It is suggested that the discussion be done with both parents present in a calm and neutral environment. If the parents are extremely emotional, as is often the case during this time, it is best to wait and have the conversation when the adults are able to speak in a composed, calm, and clear manner.

There are a few "Dos" and "Don'ts" regarding the discussion of the family divorce. Although research and experts vary on specifics, there are a few key points that are universally agreed upon regarding what to address:

Divorce is very difficult on the entire family. There can be emotional and physical strains on all members of the family, especially the children. Since divorce can be so traumatic on children, many couples try to do anything they can to shield their children from this fate. When examining the aspects of whether a couple should or should not divorce, it is important to take into account various data points regarding each particular family.

There are many reasons that some couples decide to stay together. One may be that they are able to maintain normal family relations regardless of their martial state. In this instance, the parents might believe that since their issues are not harming their children, they will continue to maintain the family dynamic until they are no longer able to do so. These particular parents have made the decision to suppress their own needs until the children are older and out of the home so there will be less traumatic events for the children.

Monetary issues also play a role in whether couples stay together or not. If the couple deems that by separating they will be in great financial distress, they may wait until the time that both parents will be stable enough on their own. These couples know that if they had to separate, both the parents and children would suffer due to the monetary loss. For example, a mother who had originally stayed at home might have to return to work. In turn, younger children might be forced into a childcare situation which would be a big change for them. Other issues would affect the children if there were monetary strains from a divorce, from large changes such as a loss of their home to even small changes such as not being able to purchase extra items such as toys.