It never ceases to amuse me that, as a straight male in my 30's, I still feel much more comfortable around women than men. With women, I can always be myself. With men, I usually feel out of my element, as if I don't quite belong. I have no problems saying "dude", exchanging high-fives, or cheering for my favorite football team. But ultimately, as much as I feel (and, thankfully, look) like a man, I never feel totally comfortable when I'm actually with men.

I've always suspected the culprit is that I spent much of my life without a Dad around. As I mentioned in my previous post, my Mom had sole custody of me. I had weekend visits with my Dad until I was 6, at which point my Mom and I moved to another state. From that point on, contact with my Dad became less frequent. Weekend visits became brief annual visits. By the time I was 18, I probably spent no more than 10 hours a year actually communicating with my Dad.

In short, I had no male "role model" for much of my life. I don't say this as a criticism of my Dad in any way. I say it as an unfortunate consequence of child custody.

According to the experts, child custody is very different today than when I was a child. More men are seeking custody, and more men are eager to be involved in their children's lives. While this probably makes for increasingly contentious custody battles, I think it's ultimately a good sign — for children, at least. While you may be cursing your Ex for demanding (or receiving) significant time with your children, as long as he's a good father who really cares about your children, there's probably a silver lining in there somewhere.

I was originally asked to write an article on "Making Unified Family Rules". However, after a few pathetic stabs at that topic, I realized it just wasn't something I could write about. My Mom had sole custody of me from day one, so I didn't really live in "two households". If you are looking for information on that topic, you should check out Debbie Nigro's interview with Dr. Scott Halzman here.

Instead, I'm using this article to discuss something I know intimately: What Moms can do when their ex isn't being much of a Dad to their child(ren).

My Dad and I have a great relationship. We're not close, but we talk every couple of months to catch up and share a good laugh. On birthdays, we send each other novelty gifts -- the kind of things women find immature and men find hysterical. It may sound silly, but this relationship means something to me, because ten years ago, we hardly had a relationship at all. And, interestingly, if it weren't for my Mom, I don't know that we'd ever have a relationship.

For most of my life, my Dad wasn't really interested in being a Dad. When we still lived in the same state, he was pretty good about showing up for weekend visits. But, even as a child, I knew there was something perfunctory about it all. I could tell spending time with me was more an obligation than a desire.

When my Mom and I moved halfway across the country, I saw much less of my Dad, of course. But it's when I did see him that I was most disappointed. Dad would fly out for a week-long visit with me, but then have to fly home after four days. He'd concoct some story about work, but I knew it was an excuse. I was crushed. My Dad didn't like me.

My parents divorced when I was three, so my memories of that period are fuzzy to say the least. I don't remember my mother telling me she was divorcing my father, nor the day he moved out. In fact, my two earliest memories are both dreams. In one, my mother died, and I cried as I watched her body ascend to Heaven (while Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now" played!). In the other, my father tried to leave me outside my preschool. He had the ability to fly; I did not. While my knowledge of Freudian dream analysis is admittedly limited, it's pretty obvious I had some abandonment issues going on.

But you're not reading this for Freudian analysis. You want to know if and how I survived my parents' divorce, and how to navigate "the grey zone" of child custody — the period between separation and an official divorce ruling.

First, the good news: I did survive divorce. And 33 years after the fact, I'm a remarkably well-adjusted guy (and modest to boot). In fact, most of my friends are also children of divorce, and they're a damn fine bunch of people, too. So breathe a deep sigh of relief — your children aren't doomed!

In my case, custody was never an issue. My mother wanted full custody; my father didn't. So there was no tug-of-war, no ugly battle in court. The arrangement was set from the day my father moved out: I lived with Mom, and had visits with Dad on weekends.