The saying goes that the face of poverty is a woman. Make that a divorced or single mother with insufficient child support. On average women experience a dramatic drop in their standard of living after divorce while a man's standard of living improves significantly.

Why the disparity?

First of all, because there is no financial value assigned to the time we tend to our children, this value is not computed in divorce agreements. There is no accounting for the opportunity cost of lost salary and career growth for the hours spent taking care of a child. Also, child support guidelines, which are determined state by state, are not intended to cover all costs associated with raising a child and often fall far short. They take into account the cost of food, housing, clothing, and some healthcare expenses. But they do not cover a range of other expenses from after school activities like music lessons or sport lessons to vacations, or restaurant meals to school supplies. These expenses rise significantly as children get older.

The sad truth is that if a caregiver mother suffers financially, so does her child. And the human story behind this financial story is heart wrenching. One of my clients described how her child went from a comfortable standard of living to below the poverty line virtually overnight. The child was afraid to tell her that he'd outgrown his sneakers. Another said her daughter declined invitations to go to the movies with her friends because she didn't want to have to ask for movie money. In both cases, the father was making over $200,000 per year!

So how can you make ends meet if child support payments are insufficient?

Alex, a stay-at-home parent, eats peanut butter for dinner while her spouse earns over $200,000 a year. When he moved out of the house six months ago, he stopped paying the heating and electricity bills. So Alex had to take on a minimum wage job at a local mall while her children are in school.

While this example may seem extreme, as a divorce financial professional, I repeatedly see the standard of living of stay-at-home spouses plummet once their relationship with the wage-earner of the family sours. In the process, their children's lives are frequently turned upside down.

Often unwittingly, caregiver spouses (usually mothers) take on disproportionate financial risk in a traditional marriage. We are brought up to believe that marriage is a lifelong partnership (including financial). In the movies, Prince Charming is a generous guy and to this day a number of school girls believe that the easiest way to get rich is to marry rich. Furthermore, some of our political leaders run campaigns on "family values" for which marriage is the backbone.

But here's the catch. Household income does not usually belong to the household at all, but to the wage earner. Typically, only if the wage earner puts money into a joint account/asset or gives his dependent spouse money does she gain access to the family pot. Conversely, if the earner chooses to spend his paycheck on expenses unrelated to household needs, the dependent spouse has little say in the matter. This state of dependence does not end when the children leave the nest. Generally, retirement and healthcare plans are also in the name of the wage earner only. Ironically, often the only way a dependent spouse can gain control over assets accumulated during the course of a marriage is through divorce. How's that for family values?

Here are 5 ways you can reduce your financial risk:

Why the disparity?

First of all, because there is no financial value assigned to the time we tend to our children, this value isn't typically computed in divorce agreements. Generally, there's no accounting for the opportunity cost of lost salary and career growth for the hours spent taking care of a child.

Also, child support guidelines, which are determined state by state, aren't intended to cover all costs associated with raising a child and often fall far short. They take into account the cost of food, housing, clothing and some healthcare expenses. But they don't cover a range of other expenses from after-school activities like music lessons or sports, vacations, restaurant meals and school supplies. These expenses rise significantly as children get older. The sad truth is that if a caregiving mother suffers financially, so does her child. And the human story behind this financial story can be heart-wrenching.

So how can you make ends meet if child support payments are insufficient?

The first thing to do, whether you're contemplating divorce or are in the process of divorcing, is quantify how much your lifestyle truly costs so that you and your children can live in dignity. In creating a projected budget, it's important to account for as many details as possible: The cost of summer camp, haircuts, a computer, etc.

These financial needs must be weighed against the parents' ability to pay. Does the family income cover this budget plus a reasonable amount for the non-custodial parent? If not, can a division of marital assets help supplement the difference? Can you scale back to a bare-bones budget? Or supplement income with additional earnings?

On average, women enter their retirement years poorer than men. This is particularly true for divorcing women. The following statistics, provided by the Social Security Administration (June, 2006), bear evidence to this claim:

*In 2004, the average annual Social Security income received by women 65 + was 76% of that received by men.

*Nationwide, Social Security comprises 53% of the income of elderly unmarried women, but only 38% of income for elderly unmarried men.

Part of the reason for this disparity is that women earn less than men on average. Another factor is that if a person (most often a woman) takes time off from the workforce to take care of his/her children or the elderly, the caregiver's Social Security retirement benefits decline. If a person has a few years of no earnings or low earnings, the benefit amount would typically be lower than if that person had worked steadily.

When the Social Security program was designed in the 1930s, it was based on the "traditional" family model in which women stayed at home and focused on homemaking and child-rearing. When a woman's husband retired, he received his Social Security check and she received half the value of his check until he died. Then she received 100 percent. (I'm not sure what the message is here: That homemaking and child-rearing is half as valuable as participating in the workforce? Or that dependent spouses should stay financially dependent)?

In any event, the 50% number rears its head again in the Social Security program's policy toward divorce. Here are some rules:

1) If you divorce after at least 10 years of marriage and don't remarry, you can collect retirement benefits on your former spouse's Social Security record if you are at least age 62 and if your former spouse is entitled to or receiving benefits. This is true whether your ex remarries or not.

If you're going through a divorce, there's a good chance that your spouse or you could miss a bill payment along the way and your credit score takes a turn for the worse. The unfortunate result of a damaged credit score is that you typically pay higher interest rates for years to come.

Furthermore, a growing list of organizations may request to see your score. They include your prospective employer, mortgage bank, insurance company, rental car company, landlord and student loan organization, to name a few. Here are some useful tips on how to manage or repair your credit.

Ways to establish credit:

• Open a bank account. This helps prove financial responsibility.
• If you have a steady income, apply for credit with a store or business.
• Ask a family member or friend with a good credit rating to co-sign a credit  application for a small amount if you don't feel comfortable asking for more. After using the credit account responsibly for one year, you can apply for credit on your own.

What your credit score means:

• Credit scores measure what sort of a credit risk you are.
• They take into account a number of variables including your payment history and amount you borrow in relation to your credit line.
• This information is summarized as a number on a scale of 300 to 850, with 300 the worst and 850 the best. (For more information, go to www.myfico.com).
• A good score is in the mid-700s although the average is closer to 650.
• The higher your credit score, the less you can expect to pay on a loan from mortgage rates to interest rates on your credit cards.

What determines your credit score:

There is a bitter irony in divorce that just as life seems the most out of control, you need to be on top of every detail. The financial side of divorce is a business transaction and if you don't have documents to back up your side of the deal, chances are you will not fare so well.

Here are three suggestions for how to take control:

1) Determine your immediate financial needs: Create a budget.

A budget serves two purposes. First, it gives you a realistic assessment of how much money you need on a day-to-day basis. It's important to be as detailed as possible. This the place to include the cost of groceries, gas and after-school activities for the kids.

If you leave items out, they won't be factored into your divorce and you'll have a shortfall. Second, a budget is a powerful tool to give to your lawyer if you're in the middle of a divorce and you need a spousal support order. Finally, projected budgets can help you look ahead to the next stage of your life. In this sense they are empowering.

2) Protect your credit rating.

Time and again, people have complained to me that their spouse has destroyed their credit, especially during divorce. This is why it's especially important to take ownership of your credit score early on. Remember, if you and your soon-to-be ex have joint debt, such as credit card bills or a mortgage, your credit ratings are inextricably linked. So it's essential to identify all joint debt.

Either close the accounts or freeze them, and keep payments current to the best of your ability. If your credit score slips, your borrowing costs will go up and this will be money out of your pocket for years to come.

3) Know what you have.