As men set their sights on women’s earnings, their entrepreneurial spirits, and sometimes, their celebrity value, women are increasingly finding the picture of so-called equality looking very strange. How is it that women increasingly are paying alimony?

Almost one in three married women makes more money than their spouses do. This economic statistic is certainly a factor why women increasingly are paying alimony.
However, in our society, women seem surprised to have to pay alimony even if they earn more.

This is because it is a fairly recent phenomenon in our legal courts. Secondly, for many women who are breadwinners (in a failed marriage), it’s not as if they ever expected to out earn their husbands, or do all of the heavy lifting in the family, or end up giving him spending money as you would do with a child. Women often feel cheated by the legal system because it is possible that they have to reward a sit at home bum.

The wife’s sense of being the victim is intensified when children are involved. Women share disproportionately the burden of money making, household chores, and child rearing. This is usually compounded by the lack of gratitude, appreciation, and emotional support a breadwinner is typically afforded by the household.

I have assisted many divorcing women who face the prospect of paying alimony. Our financial strategy is predicated upon her entire contribution to the family, including her spouse. Most importantly, they realize they are not an anomaly. They are freed of social stigma and part of a trend that is growing in ranks.

Do you have a life plan? If not, why not? If you think you're too busy to sit down and create your own life plan, consider the following:

In a 1953 study conducted at Yale University, students in the graduating class were interviewed and asked whether they had a life plan, with a set of written goals. Less than 3% had a clear plan of action and written goals. Twenty years later, researchers re-interviewed the students. The 3% that had written goals had a net worth greater than the other 97% combined! As well, 3% reported a higher level of life satisfaction than their counterparts who had no action plan or written goals.

A higher level of life satisfaction seems like a good reason to finally sit down and come up with a life plan don't you think? It isn't difficult, but it will require some time and effort on your part. You will need to mark off a time slot in your busy schedule. Supply yourself with a favorite pen, some paper or a journal and then follow these helpful steps:

Step 1: Deciding What is Important:

I would suggest a life plan based on a 6-month, 1 year or 5-year period. Once you have decided how far out you want to plan, start your list.

Define the important aspects of your life. For example, you may value health, family, friends, spiritual growth, and career advancement (not necessarily in that order). If possible, prioritize what you feel is important and put them into categories. You can then break them down into subcategories.

Step 2: Define What You Want:

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As a financial planner, the most important figure I ask clients to estimate before they meet with me is the cost per month of comfortably supporting the family. Almost always, I have to increase that figure by 30 percent to arrive at the real number. This is particularly critical if you are in the middle of a divorce and suporting your family.

I live in West Los Angeles where the cost of living has grown very high for families — particularly the cost of housing and education. Private elementary school alone now costs $25,000 to $30,000 per child per year here.

Stop now and list your monthly expenses. If you add up that list, then increase the total by 30 percent, you'll most likely arrive at the amount you will need to sustain yourself and cover emergencies, holidays and a short vacation. How does that look? If the number is a lot more than you're taking in, accept the situation as challenge. And, most importantly, find ways to increase your income.

It's possible to scale back our lifestyle, but only to a certain point. That's why I would rather see clients focus on figuring out how to leverage their skills to create more income. After my father died my mom rented a room in our house to a young women new to town. We agreed she would stay for one year. The situation worked for my mom because she knew she'd get her privacy back in one year, but in the meantime would make some extra money.

Clarifying how much income you need is very important because it will push you to set your sights on finding a job that pays enough. There is nothing more powerful when negotiating for a job than to say, "I need to make x to support my family," or, "I need to make x to afford the cost of living in Los Angeles."

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