Entering the dating scene after just a few years off the market — let alone decades — can be an intimidating experience. Everyone else seems to have learned to send pictures on their cell phones, to write a quirky ad on Match.com and figure out how to upload flattering photos of themselves.

Nothing makes a woman feel out of the loop like technological advances.

A course might help, but you can probably figure all those things out if you spend some time actually playing with your cell phone and on the Internet.

Things become urgent when you decide that you are ready to date again. One-third of the 85 million baby boomers in North America are single, so it’s just a matter of meeting one.

What you may really need help on are the ins and outs of online dating, to which baby boomers are increasingly turning.

Sign Me Up

While connecting online has become the norm, finding a likeminded friend or date can become frustrating—if you’re fishing in the wrong pond.

Take the time to visit sites before signing up.

If sites feel too juvenile, consider “mature” dating sites, such as Lavalife Prime, which is geared toward men and women who are 40-plus.

Alternatively, narrow the field by joining niche dating sites.

Places like SingleBookLovers.com, for bibliophiles, or ASoundMatch.com, for music enthusiasts, or even singlemummy.com, for single parents, connect individuals through specific tastes or lifestyles.

All About Me

Now, the most difficult, most painstaking process: writing your profile.

Rather than agonizing over personal statements or — worse — selling yourself short, ask a friend to write it. He or she won’t shy away from playing up the positives.

Jennifer and Dan, a couple in their mid-30s with two kids, had a fairly amicable divorce. But Jen still has a reservoir of residual hurt because the end of their marriage was directly caused by Dan's affair.

Dan, however, is eager to move on in a friendly manner.

Scene: It is Sunday morning and Dan is scheduled to take the kids. He drives up to the family house, opens the garage door and comes into the kitchen. Jennifer is cleaning up after breakfast and the children are nearby.

Dan: Hi guys.
Jennifer (icily): Hi.
Dan: What's the problem? I'm here to pick up the kids. You don't have to be so cold.
Jennifer: Did I invite you in?!

A Lesson about Boundaries:

Do not make your home available to your ex-husband, as if he still lived there.

He can knock on the door and you can deliver the kids to him at the door.

Particularly at the beginning of the divorce process, your house must become your sacred — and safe — territory.

Your home needs to be a place of refuge and should not turn into a boundary-less arena. Letting your ex-husband come and go as he pleases can make you feel uncomfortable and anxious.

From his point of view, nothing is wrong. This was his home. He may even own half of it.

Just remember that you need your space, and that boundaries need to be set.

In years of practice I have come to discover that when boundaries are set properly - and early - it is better for all involved, including the wife, the ex-husband and the kids.

Couples do better when they have set strong limits, given how powerful the pull of emotions can be during a divorce.

"It is easier to liberalize from a conservative position than to become more conservative from a liberal position."

This maxim applies to divorce. Try being conservative initially. Both in setting boundaries with your husband and, indeed, with your kids.

Divorce triggers a huge range of emotions, but it is also the catalyst for a number of life changes! We can't stop the pain, the emotions, and the life changes from happening, but we can change how we deal with them.

When I was going through my divorce, like so many, I had to move and sell a house that I had built, the home in which my children grew up.

It was far too big and, after 10 years, things were breaking down. Paying bill after bill made me financially fearful.

I did not want to be house poor, but letting go of the house was harder than letting go of my husband, since the house represented my “white picket fence” dream.

I tried hard to hold on. I didn’t want to experience the pain of moving.

I was afraid of change.

I believed that if I could just control the situation and keep things “as is,” I would be OK.

I thought my resistance to selling my house was protecting me, but instead it locked me into the pain and it kept me mired in the circumstances I most disliked.

Your ex husband is late for his visitation pick up. This is not the first time and you are getting tired of the disrespect and negligence. Besides, you have has things to do and your two children are getting uncomfortable.

In this scene, you have had it, and need to say something.

Here is the wrong way:

Mom: “He did it to me in the marriage and now he is doing it to you. Your father only thinks about himself.”

This is the right way:

Mom: “Dad appears to be running late.”

Child: “Again?”

Mom: “Some people run late. I am sure he will get here OK.”

Child: “But it bothers me.”

Mom: “You may want to let your dad know how you feel.”

It’s easy to understand why a mother might be outraged: her tardy ex- husband is doing it again, but this time he’s doing it not just to her, but to the kids as well.

She is angry that she has to continue to deal with her ex-husband’s apparent lack of respect and she identifies with her kids, feeling that they are being hurt.

This is a case where over identification is very easy to do. The mother can project her own feelings on the kids. In a misguided attempt to protect them she may make the error of not allowing the kids to have their own relationship with their father.

When she responds incorrectly, she is responding out of her own hurt and anger, imposed it now on them.

The kids in turn are then forced to take sides.

But is it possible their dad’s lateness is not really a big deal for them? Maybe they already accept their father for his many flaws, but enjoy him nevertheless?

It may be too much for them to identify with their mother’s outrage.

But when the mother has a sense of perspective and feels well centered, she can acknowledge his lateness in a factual and neutral way: “Some people run late.”

What if your life, as it is right now, is perfectly designed to support you in moving to the next and greatest expression of yourself?

What if everything happening at this moment is perfect for you, and will deliver you the life of your dreams?

What if there are no accidents and no coincidences?

Looking through those eyes, would you feel any differently about your divorce?

The first of the Seven Spiritual Laws of Divorce, the Law of Acceptance, asks us to stand in just that place — everything is as it should be.

Most of us spend most of our lives wishing that people, places and things were different. We get caught up in an internal struggle against what is and, as a result, we live lives filled with fear, pain, and hopelessness. We get wrapped up in the drama, the story, the interpretations of the events and circumstances that surround our divorce.

Instead of getting attached to our version of events, reinforcing our storyline, feeding the drama of our circumstances, what if we accepted that there is more going on than we know?

In Spiritual Divorce, Debbie Ford writes about how, as a young adult, she suffered deeply from her parents’ divorce. Even after years of therapy, she couldn’t let go of the sadness, and she could see no reason for having to go through so much pain and loss.

Now, of course, from this vantage point, she’s able to see that the divorce in her family and her own divorce were necessary parts of her journey.

Your divorce holds lessons, wisdom, and gifts that will propel you to uncharted, unimagined territory — a life truly beyond your wildest dreams. The first step to getting there is to practice acceptance, to acknowledge what is true in your life with no story, no blame, and no drama.

Practicing acceptance, even of the worst circumstances, is a powerful life-changing tool that will shift a moment of suffering into a moment of peace.