How well you and your children adjust to life post-divorce is not just a matter of your inner-strength. A lot depends upon your support network.

Unfortunately, social circles and family ties can suffer in the wake of a breakup. So who can you turn to?

Those you have grown accustomed to leaning on may not be there for you. Often, people side with one spouse over the other. Some friends may be uncomfortable socializing with a single-parent family. And if you are forced to move, no matter how near, the distance may make it tough to maintain previous relationships. A new neighborhood could mean living among strangers. And, perhaps, in the aftermath of your split you don't have the time or energy needed to form new bonds.  

Most of us are trained to be self-reliant. But seeking help from relatives, friends or professionals simply means that you can't expect to have all the answers. It is a positive step toward taking care of yourself and your children. Here are some ways you can build a support system, even when it feels as though you're all alone.

Get involved. Make a special effort to put yourself and your children in the middle social, recreational and educational activities. If people seem too busy to get to know you, don't give up. Soon you and child will find people who share your interests and who are interested in forging friendships.

Renew contact. Do you miss some of your old friends? They might be waiting for you to make the first move. If the divorce has left you feeling cut off emotionally from friends and relatives, make an extra effort to get in touch with them. Let them know that you want to maintain the relationships and are willing to forget any ill feelings or discomfort caused by your separation or divorce.

Parents expect a certain amount of attitude from their children. And, of course, their moods and attitudes change. But when you're divorced, how can you tell where typical coming-of-age shifts end and deeper emotional problems begin?

Does your child need counseling? It's no easy call. Even those youngsters who appear to be handling their feelings about the divorce in a healthy way can be hurting deep down. The short answer is that therapy can benefit every child of divorce.

But the telltale signs — even for those who don't display obvious signs of suffering — come down to changes, however subtle, in your child's behavior, attitude or outlook on life.

Look over the following list. If you can answer "yes" to any of the following, you should seek counseling for your child:

Has your child's disposition changed since your separation and divorce? These are tip offs:

• •They feel sad for long periods of time and nothing seems to help them to feel better.
• •They think more about the past than the present.
• •They cry over both little and big things and can't seem to stop.
• •They can't stop thinking about their parents' divorce.
• •They have little or no interest in playing or being with friends.
• •They act out in inappropriate ways.
• •They cannot concentrate in school.

If they exhibit any of the behaviors below, it's an indication that they lack goals or feel like they have no family and friends for support and help:

• •They wake up, but don't want to get up.
• •They don't eat, or they eat a lot when they're not hungry.
• •They don't laugh, joke, or enjoy anything they are doing.
• •They want to be alone all the time.

They may have trust issues and feel as though they don't have family and friends on whom they can rely, if:

How can you expect to have a healthy co-parent relationship with your former spouse when two couldn't agree on things while you were married?

If you've been asking yourself that question, you are not alone. Many divorcing couples wonder if they can possibly put aside their pain and work together for the good of the children. But the truth is, you will always be connected as parents to your children. And what that means is that you cannot walk away and never speak to each other again. On the contrary, you may find yourself in a position where you are forced to communicate more than ever.

Most parents truly want to do what is best for the children — despite their own feelings of hurt and resentment. But where do you start? How do you begin to forge a co-parenting relationship? Here is some advice:

Consider co-parenting a business relationship. In a professional setting, emotions take a back seat to the bottom line. Think of your family and realize that the stakes don't get any higher than the welfare of your children. It will take some practice, but think of how you conduct yourself with colleagues at work. You control your emotions and focus on the business at hand, because you know success can only come through professional conduct.

Accept that things will sometimes be unpleasant. It's unlikely that a peaceful, cooperative relationship will come immediately after your divorce. The feelings are still raw, and many of the wounds have not yet healed. Instead, look to the long-term, and do whatever you can to transition so you can move beyond the pain of divorce. Remember, you want to focus your energy on your emotional health on your children.