When I found out my parents were getting a divorce, I was relieved. For some reason, I knew this was a step in the right direction for both my parents; what I didn't know was the difficult half-decade battle would overshadow my life. Graduating only a few days ago, I am now back in my house, living in the bedroom I grew up in. It's hard enough to move back after you have tasted the freedom of college, but what makes it even worse is that I am now an adult, trapped in a house with a constant tone of anxiety looming from my parent's divorce. It's hard to make a new start in a home that constantly reminds you of the past.

Since my parent's divorce, I have had to make significant changes in my own life. I juggle relationships with both parents, while I often feel like a pawn in their divorce game. Instead of having the luxury of my parent's assisting me in my first apartment, they have squandered a copious amount of money on lawyer's fees. Everyday is a struggle. Your mom says, "ask your father", and your father says, "ask your mother". All the small things that get to you eventually snowball, creating anger and emotions you never thought you had in you. The hardest part is not letting it spill over into your life — snapping at friends, letting your grades drop, even gaining weight because you don't have the energy to exercise.

In all cases my world has been turned upside-down for a reason that didn't even involve me in the first place. It can be very difficult not to resent, or even hate, your parents for making you feel so abandoned. They forget that, just because you act like an adult and you pretend to be strong because you are sick of crying, you are still a child on the inside, looking for reassurance and comfort.

I always had very special relationships with both my parents growing up. My father is very athletic, so whenever he had free time I would find myself playing golf or playing paddle tennis with him. When my older sister went off to college and my dad wasn't around that often, my mother and I became a team, always doing something together. I would run errands with her and she would go shopping with me.

She always encouraged honesty from me; no matter what the issue was which promoted an open line of communication, boyfriends, smoking and other high school issues were never taboo. My mom always trusted me and, as a result, I always trusted her.

Some of the worst memories I have of my parent's divorce are of times when my parents overly confided in me. My freshman year of college, when I was still on the swim team, I received a phone call from my dad. At the time I was in Florida, gearing up for a day of strenuous swimming and exercise. My dad was hysterical and apologetic about everything that had happened between my parents, and I didn't have the heart to hang up. For the rest of the time I was on training trip, my performance hindered because of that phone call. Looking back, I shouldn't have let it get to me, but it made me realize how unfair it was to burden me at a point when my athletic performance demanded mental stability. Sometimes I look back and wonder if part of the reason I quit swimming was because I couldn't perform with the family stress and anxiety that surrounded me at the time.

My parent's move toward divorce started four years ago, right before I left for college. In some ways I have been fortunate, because I haven't been home through all the ups and downs.

Usually, during major holidays and other such events, my older sister and I split them between our parents. Christmas eve we usually have dinner with my dad, Christmas day is spent with my mom. Most of the time, major family events are tolerable but I have also had some awful experiences. Last summer, I attended my cousin's wedding with my father and sister. I spent the entire reception in the bathroom crying while my father led my distant relatives to believe I was upset over my no-show date. I was really upset that my Dad promised me, without fail, he would pay my education, no questions asked. By the end of last summer, he was using my tuition payments and me as a way to make my mom angrier, and add fuel to the fire.

This month I am graduating from college, and the traditions are not conducive to segmented families. Each family at my school rents a tent with their friends on the quad for festivities after commencement, which will inevitably force my parents under one roof for one more day. I have approached this situation with the mentality that, if everyone is prepared ahead of time, things will more likely run better. I have spoken with both my parents concerning their behavior at my graduation, asking to please not argue, and keep in mind that this is my graduation. As a result, my dad has agreed to avoid my mom and vice versa. This is the best that can be done for my situation right now but it's a good start.