In my last article, I wrote about things to consider before making the decision to divorce. This article deals with accepting and recognizing when it is time to "throw in the towel." Below are a few signs that you are dealing with a marriage that has gone past the point of saving...in my opinion.

Are you to the point that your spouse just can't do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin?

Shortly before my Aunt and Uncle divorced, I heard her say, "If he died tomorrow I'd have to peel an onion before I could shed a tear." Their marriage had gone on way too long. So long that she had developed feelings of animosity toward her husband. If you feel yourself moving in that direction, do yourself and him a favor and move on.

Are you tired of the trying, so tired you can't muster of the energy to even engage anymore?

Trying to solve marital problems can turn into a cycle of the wife trying to get her needs met and the husband stonewalling or dismissing her. A woman will normally try to re-engage her husband. Women are natural problem solvers who don't give up easily. She will eventually tire of trying to engage her husband in finding solutions to the marital problems. She will withdraw, stop expressing her needs; and once this happens, the marriage is headed for separation or divorce.

Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder?

Are you like Megan, one of First Wives World's Community Bloggers? Does the idea of sex with your husband cause you to feel trapped, like you want to cry, pack your bags and never come back? If so, it is time to act on your feelings.

Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment?

Are you thinking about divorce? The decision to divorce is critical, with consequences that can last a lifetime. It is a step that should be thoroughly thought out before taken.

Below are questions you should ask yourself before making the decision to divorce.

Is there still an emotional connection?

Have your feelings for your husband faded or are you frustrated over marital problems that seem insurmountable? If there are still feelings of love, you should work on the marriage before deciding to divorce. Don't allow feelings of frustration to cause you to make a choice you will later regret. If there is love left, seeking to solve problems with a marriage counselor could put the brakes on a divorce you didn't want in the first place.

Is your desire to divorce based on an emotional reaction or true self-awareness?

A true desire for divorce means letting go of any emotional attachments you have to your husband, the good ones and the bad ones. Making the decision to divorce at a time when you are overwhelmed with emotions won't solve problems. It will generate more problems and compound hurtful feelings and frustrations.

Being able to view your husband as an individual who deserves your respect during the transition of divorce is imperative. If you can't do this, the divorce process will be riddled with anger and conflict. Divorce is not an opportunity to point fingers and blame. It is the opportunity to move on and rebuild your life. The more negative your emotions toward your husband, the harder the process of rebuilding will be.

Is it a divorce you want, or a change in marital dynamics?

Nothing changed until I changed. My divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me — and not just because it freed me from a bad marriage. By leaving I became the woman I was meant to be.

Your beatings may be physical, verbal or emotional. Abuse rarely starts right away, but signals do. Perhaps, like me, you knew early on that something wasn't right with the relationship. Now you're considering divorce, but at times you waver. What's keeping you in a bad situation? How can you break free and move forward towards a better life?

You may be trapped by your own thoughts. Here's how I learned to combat the destructive thinking that keeps many of us from breaking free:

Stop Rationalizing. Are you in denial? Do you tell yourself he is only abusive when he drinks or when the dinner gets cold. Unfortunately, we often deny what is important to us, just to avoid change. I used to think my ex was making real progress whenever he stayed employed longer than two months. Or I'd take comfort in the fact that, even though he was violent, he came home instead of staying out all night!

Listen to Your Gut. We usually tune out our internal compass, because we are not trained to trust and honor it. Women are socialized to nurture, to respond to the needs of others — not our own. Take the time to be silent. Journal your thoughts each day or take long walks alone. Through mindful reflection you will slowly start to get in touch with your inner voice. You will learn to value what is important to you.

On Valentine's Day, every woman of every age should be issued one tall, dark, handsome somebody to share long, loving looks and dinner over candlelight. Cold pizza in front of the TV isn't so bad, most of the time. That particular day though has the power to leave a single woman feeling hopeless and unloved — and cold pizza just doesn't cut it.

It seems everywhere I look lately I see red, heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and lovely cards with pink hearts reminding me of the day set aside for honoring love. For me Valentine's Day brings to front all the romantic longings and yearnings I've kept tucked away in crimson colored recesses of my heart. Romantic longings and yearnings that can rise up like a title wave to overwhelm me.

But, then I remember that Valentine's Day is about LOVE. It is about love for ourselves, our friends, our family, those who have helped us, those who need our help and those who, by birth and friendship are our family.

Valentine's Day can also be a day of remembering situations worse than being alone. It is better to be ...

A woman alone than a woman whose husband belittles her.

A woman standing alone than a woman being dragged down by negative emotions.

A woman loving life than a woman who dreads each day spent in an unhappy marriage.

A woman who gives her heart to her work, her children, her friends and family or any good cause other than a husband who won't cherish the heart she has to give.

So, if you are alone this Valentine's Day don't spend the day pining away for a knight in shining armor or some tall, dark handsome someone to share loving looks and dinner over candle light. Don't spend the day brooding over what you wish you had but spend it celebrating the love you already have.

A few weeks ago, I read a few articles on the inevitability of depression as middle age draws closer. Did you see those stories? They were everywhere, but no need to scramble around for any; they all read pretty much exactly like this one, from US News and World Reports.

I focused on this particularly un-uplifting passage: "The researchers cautioned that cheerful people tend to live longer than unhappy people — a fact that might have skewed the overall finding. But they also suggested that evidence of a happiness curve might simply reflect a midlife choice to give up long-held but no longer tenable aspirations, followed by a senior's sense of gratitude for having successfully endured while others did not.

Giving up your dreams plus gratitude you're not dead yet, and those are supposed to be the good parts

Oh well. The real point of the articles, if not the study itself, was meant to be "Feel better about not feeling so great — it's normal!" And I do know from my sex education work that normalizing, the mere act of telling people how many others there are in their cohort, can be surprisingly therapeutic.

In a 1953 study conducted at Yale University, students in the graduating class were interviewed and asked whether they had a life plan, with a set of written goals. Less than 3% had a clear plan of action and written goals. Twenty years later, researchers re-interviewed the students. The 3% that had written goals had a net worth greater than the other 97% combined! As well, 3% reported a higher level of life satisfaction than their counterparts who had no action plan or written goals.

A higher level of life satisfaction seems like a good reason to finally sit down and come up with a life plan don't you think? It isn't difficult, but it will require some time and effort on your part. You will need to mark off a time slot in your busy schedule. Supply yourself with a favorite pen, some paper or a journal and then follow these helpful steps:

Step 1: Deciding What is Important:

I would suggest a life plan based on a 6-month, 1 year or 5-year period. Once you have decided how far out you want to plan, start your list.

Define the important aspects of your life. For example, you may value health, family, friends, spiritual growth, and career advancement (not necessarily in that order). If possible, prioritize what you feel is important and put them into categories. You can then break them down into subcategories.

Step 2: Define What You Want: