Juggling soccer practice, violin lessons, tutors, and everything else in between can be extremely difficult to manage for any family, but for divorcing parents it’s all the more challenging.

Using online parenting calendars will help give your children a sense of predictability. You can even enlist the help of your children to set up the initial information on the website. It is an opportunity for them to see how you manage time and schedules which is an excellent skill for a child of any age to participate in and observe. Take a look at all of the options and decide which features you will use given your family’s needs.

Several websites offer online parenting calendars with various features and functions to make life easier. Each paid site offers a schedule, database for doctor and medical contact information, keeping track of expenses, school and homework info, and uploading photos to share. Subscription sites tend to be more complete, but the free calendars have benefits as well:

Sharekids.com: This program costs $200 per year for a joint account and $100 per year for an individual account. They also offer a lifetime fee structure which is $1000 for a joint account and $500 for an individual account. If you have young children, you may want to consider this option if you find this program works for you and your family. As an added bonus, they offer a 30 day free trial with absolutely no obligation to you.

How do you handle the “add-on” expenses of having children? You know, all those little things that are so important: Lessons, sports, back-to-school expenses, etc.

Back to school means new clothes, shoes, backpacks, supplies, fees, lunch money, hair cuts and specialty sports apparel. On the average, you can expect to spend about $750 per child in back-to-school expenses.

There is a lot of pressure on both kids and parents to have the latest technology and fashion. The amount spent to outfit a school-age child these days can be astronomical. You write checks for dancing lessons, soccer dues, hockey equipment, and field trips. You may also be dealing with a co-parent who likes to one-up you on these purchases, or a co-parent who spends too little on these things.

Ideally, you and your co-parent communicate well about expenses for your children and how they will be covered. If you are lucky enough to have an amicable relationship with your co-parent when it comes to money, you can pool together as a healthy bi-nuclear family to try to save money on back-to-school expenses.

Some of our Peace Talks mediation clients create a “kid bank account” with checks and an ATM card for each parent so that when these expenses come up, a check can just be written. A budget is established and each parent contributes his or her share at the beginning of the month, and keeps track of what s/he has spent. If the budget needs adjustment, you can do that periodically. If you’ve over-accumulated money in the account, you can splurge on a special camp in the summer or save for your child’s college education.

The new school year! Time to get supplies, go to bed earlier, and begin a whole new routine. Time to put away our flip-flops and squeeze into socks and new shoes.

If you are divorced and co-parenting, the beginning of the school year can turn up the stress as you try to synch up the schedules of two hectic households. If you need to make a change to your parenting plan, now may be the natural time to do it.

At Peace Talks, we find that shared parenting works best when there is some sort of written agreement. “The agreements are as varied as our clients, but what is important is that the family have a written agreement,” says child custody mediator, Tara Fass.

For examples of how parenting can be shared, see these sample schedules.

It is important to be open to compromises. Above everything else, keep your kids out of the middle of your arguments!

Here are some guidelines:

• Support each other’s privacy — what goes on in the other house is none of your business unless it endangers your child.

• Respect the other parent — talk civilly, use common courtesies, help your children appreciate and recognize the other parent’s efforts to be close to them.

• Communicate regularly with the other parent — use notes, e-mail and phone calls.

• Do your share of parenting and be clear about what you need and expect from the other parent in order to co-parent smoothly.

Problems or no problems, it is always a good idea to keep the other parent updated as to what is happening when the children are with you. You can send a weekly, biweekly, or monthly letter, along with school papers, sports schedules, report cards, drawings, and any and all other materials that may come your way.

Before the evaluator comes to visit, parents should do a safety check and make necessary adjustments. The home does not have to be spotless, but sheets should be on the beds. Odors from cigarettes, trash, pets, and diapers should be minimized.

• A wide variety of fresh and healthy food should be in the refrigerator and cupboards. Everyone who lives in the home should be present for the interview.

•Anyone who is a frequent visitor to the home may be there at the beginning but should also be prepared to leave approximately ten minutes after the evaluator's arrival.

•The television should be turned off as soon as the evaluator arrives.

•The evaluator should not be offered anything but a glass of water.

•Let the evaluator choose where to sit and where to talk to household members individually and as a group.

• Inform the evaluator in advance if a household member needs to be seen first because of a work or school commitment.

When the evaluator asks for references or a witness list, the parent should be prepared with names, addresses, telephone and fax numbers, as well as the best time and way to reach them. (The parent should also speak with the references in advance.)

Put the reference into the time line of your story to give the evaluator some perspective on when and how long the reference has known the family.

Choose references, including family members, who can corroborate the parenting-plan history as well as a parent's good character.

Be wary of references who fail to back up your claims, who barely know you, or who hasn’t observed you being a parent.

The evaluator's confidential report must be filed with the court and served on the parties or their attorneys at least ten days before the custody hearing.

It will be used as evidence at the hearing but is technically not binding on the court.

Custody mediation can be a dress rehearsal for a court-ordered child-custody evaluation, because if the case is not settled in mediation, an evaluation could be next. Mediation can help parents dig themselves out of entrenched positions, get them to evaluate their goals, and help them develop a child-centered parenting plan that will promote the best interests of their children.

The mediator's job is to reduce acrimony and get the parties to agree to a custody and visitation arrangement. If that process comes to a halt, they can at least prepare the parents for what an evaluator will want to know.

An evaluator in the State of California, where we work, will want to hear about the parental history: when the parents met, when the parents' relationship became serious, when the parents began living together, when the parents got married, when the parents first separated, the total number of separations, the date of the last separation, and whether and when couples or family counseling was ever done.

The evaluator will also ask about grandparents, the parents’ siblings, extended family. And about any other minor children in the households. The mediator will definitely ask about the parents’ drug and alcohol history, and if there is any history of domestic abuse.

And then the evaluator will ask how the parents shared custody during the separation. And what current parenting plan they are using.

Here are the red flags that an evaluator will be looking for: