It is Sunday night and Janet’s kids are back home and wild as all heck. Tom, her ex-husband, just brought Allie, age 9 and Sam, age 6, home late, tired, hungry, and wired. Tom has been less than punctual all summer but now Janet is exasperated because she has to prepare the kids for school on Monday.

Janet: “You only think about yourself. The kids are out of control and they’re not ready for school.”

Tom: “What’s the big deal? We had a good time together, isn’t that what’s really important, bonding and all?

Janet: “Tom, we no longer have the leisure to just have fun. School just started two weeks ago. Don’t you realize Allie and Sam have to wake up early tomorrow?”

Analysis: Janet is correct. School is a big transition that requires a change of schedule for the adults in their lives as well. After all, your children learn best by example — and you and your ex have to provide that example.

Summer is unstructured, while school is structured. Summer is focused on fun, while the school year is an amalgam of learning, self discipline, and play (it is a balancing act). Summer provides few frustrations while school, by its nature, can give both kids and adults much to be frustrated about. Kids have to adapt to new schedules, homework, annoying classmates or demanding teachers.

Learning comes easy for some and hard for others. You want your children to center in on their studies so that they can feel competent and capable. It is up to you and your ex-spouse to provide helpful guidance to help your kids through this transition.

Three Solid Tips:

Anticipation

Anticipate the change from summer to school and shift the schedule accordingly. The kids probably need an earlier bedtime and dinner, less television and computer time and more preparation for the next day.

Check any shopping mall and you’ll see identical long manes on moms and their college-bound daughters. And whether you like it or not, most men do prefer long-ish hair (just ask any dating service counselor).

Spurred on by glamorous celebs in their 40s, 50s, and 60s like Demi Moore, Christie Brinkley, and Goldie Hawn, we’re actually growing our hair at the age we used to think about cutting it. I know from years of working on shoots in studio that even stars and ex-supermodels deal with age-related thinning, dryness, and damage from color, highlights, blow-dryers, and flat-irons. Extensions (a well-kept secret of many) are really expensive and annoyingly difficult to maintain (plus can you imagine a man running his hands through your hair and coming away with what looks like a pelt?).

Like us, they’re always looking for repair products and solutions to keep the scissors at bay. These three and the changes they encourage will improve the quality of your hair. Grab them in multiples before your friends snap them up — they’re that good.

1. Shampoo less frequently and use a dry shampoo like Ojon Rub-Out Dry Cleanser ($29 at sephora.com) to freshen your scalp and hair, plus add lots of volume between washes. It doubles the look of your hair better than any thickening spray and eliminates the stress of daily heat-styling. This is now my all-around favorite styling product.

Jen Schefft may have won the popular reality contest The Bachelor in 2003, but she dumped Andrew Firestone, the bachelor in question, because, she said, she didn’t want to settle on the wrong guy.

Then she was the chooser on the sequel, The Bachelorette, where she stunned the two finalists by saying that she didn’t want to commit to either of them.

Why, she wondered, was she reviled, rather than respected, for not rushing to the altar?

Her response is Better Single Than Sorry: A No-Regrets Guide to Loving Yourself and Never Settling, which reminds women that you’re OK if you’re not in a relationship.

As she points out:

• There have never been more single adult women in the U.S. than now.
• We have to learn to find enjoyment by ourselves and not through someone else.
• The odds are that each of us will be alone for parts of our lives, so we can’t look for eternal happiness in a relationship with a guy.

The message here is: You can be alone and not lonely.

The book does stretch this point like salt water taffy and could be condensed. But hey, publishers like longer books, and there are points worth mentioning.

Schefft talked to women in all stages of relationships. One said she settled for a guy and now is divorced. “At the time, I thought he was the best I could get,” she told Schefft. “As I have gotten more confident and more experienced with age, I realize that I deserve so much more.”

Schefft of course points out the advantages of being single. “It forces you to build more of a network in the world,” she says. “If you think about it in the right way and not as something tragic, you can become a much more interesting person.”

The new school year! Time to get supplies, go to bed earlier, and begin a whole new routine. Time to put away our flip-flops and squeeze into socks and new shoes.

If you are divorced and co-parenting, the beginning of the school year can turn up the stress as you try to synch up the schedules of two hectic households. If you need to make a change to your parenting plan, now may be the natural time to do it.

At Peace Talks, we find that shared parenting works best when there is some sort of written agreement. “The agreements are as varied as our clients, but what is important is that the family have a written agreement,” says child custody mediator, Tara Fass.

For examples of how parenting can be shared, see these sample schedules.

It is important to be open to compromises. Above everything else, keep your kids out of the middle of your arguments!

Here are some guidelines:

• Support each other’s privacy — what goes on in the other house is none of your business unless it endangers your child.

• Respect the other parent — talk civilly, use common courtesies, help your children appreciate and recognize the other parent’s efforts to be close to them.

• Communicate regularly with the other parent — use notes, e-mail and phone calls.

• Do your share of parenting and be clear about what you need and expect from the other parent in order to co-parent smoothly.

Problems or no problems, it is always a good idea to keep the other parent updated as to what is happening when the children are with you. You can send a weekly, biweekly, or monthly letter, along with school papers, sports schedules, report cards, drawings, and any and all other materials that may come your way.

After divorce, your financial life will need tweaking. Even if investing has presented a roadblock in the past, it's now one you're ready to conquer.

Here are some tips:

• Every time you get a raise, increase your contributions into your retirement and other savings accounts. Bonuses, tax refunds, and inheritances are all an invitation to rejigger as well. Anyone who has done an outstanding job of accumulating wealth will tell you how important this strategy is. Give your own savings a raise every time you get one, and put at least part of every windfall to work for you.

Say it and sound smart: “I'm putting 75 percent of my bonus away for the future. I hope we'll have a lot more years like this one, but if this is the end of the gravy train, I don't want to spend the money and regret it.”

• Open your financial statements. Each quarter, you need to keep track of the direction your investments are going in and where you stand. Paying attention will help you spot any errors in your account immediately. And you'll notice if the asset allocation you've chosen is getting you to your goals in a timely fashion, or if you need to rebalance your investments to take on a little more, or a little less, risk.

Say it and sound smart: “I know it's time for CSI. Just give me a minute to look at how my investments are doing.”

• Ask questions when something seems wrong. If you don't understand something on your statement, call the toll-free number. This is no time to be shy. Tell the customer service rep what's on your mind. Little miscalculations and other errors will get worse over time.

Say it and sound smart: “It says on my statement that in July I bought shares... Can you go back into my record and tell me what you see?”

Wouldn’t it be great if our waistlines were as thin as a divorced mom’s back to school budget? We know. You have to stretch your dollars like worn-out Spandex and there are too many extra pounds of goods you still need.

However, we have some resourceful budget solutions that can help reduce your stress and help your kids look their best. They may actually learn something too.

Now before we give you this list, we hope that you have already looked in the kids’ closets and done a thorough inventory, just as you did on your assets prior to divorce. If something still fits, you don’t need a whole new wardrobe. One new outfit for their first day of school will deliver the most powerful emotional punch. Then you can wait for sales later in the month, either via internet or at stores. Remember, items are most expensive now.

1. With your child, make an itemized list of what s/he wants such as clothes, shoes, dress outfits, hobby or sports equipment, books, folders, writing utensils, backpacks and electronics such as computers.

2. Use this list as an opportunity to turn them into future Warren Buffets. Tell them what the dollar amount of their budget is and how they have to fit it to that number. Now if you kid says, “Mom, forget the spiral notebooks, I’d rather have Tory Burch flats,” tell them that school supplies have priority. However, if they find them at a cheaper place, then they will have more leftover for Tory.

What have we learned about Pro Se divorce so far? Be organized, and learn your state divorce laws, rules of civil procedure, and all those ethics codes that dictate how judges and lawyers do business.

You know how to file the original petition for divorce and how to notify your husband. Now you are asking, “What is next?”

Next is the fun part.

It is time to roll up your sleeves, and learn the meaning of the word “endurance.” If you are a lucky litigant the judge will order mediation in your case. This is your opportunity to negotiate a settlement with your husband, which keeps you out of divorce court.

Below are a few tips for those who are able to go through the mediation process:

• For mediation to succeed you have to be willing to give as well as take.

• Familiar advice: there is no place for your emotions during mediation. Mediation is about deciding custody, visitation schedules, and splitting assets. Your emotions don’t play a role in the mediation process.

• Be willing to grin and bare it. You may no longer like the guy you married, but during the mediation process it is in your best interest to be civil toward him.

It can be fun when it’s you flying solo, but not when it’s your kid. Your heart suffers more turbulence than a plane caught in a Kansas tornado. But divorced moms must face the reality of sending their kids off alone on a plane for a scheduled visit with Dad.

However, don’t labor over it — even on Labor Day weekend. There are several procedures you can follow that are as essential as safety belts and more healthy than popping Valium:

• With the increase of divorced kids flying alone, airlines now make provisions for them. The kids are called UM’s – as in unaccompanied minor. Instead of making their airline reservation via internet, you should call the airlines, since they require information on who will deliver the child and who will pick the child up at the destination.

• The person who delivers the child to the plane and the person who picks the child up must both have photo IDs and cell phones.

• The parent will be given a pass to accompany the child to the departure gate and must stay until the flight takes off. Kids age 5 to 7 can fly nonstop only.

• UM’s require an extra payment – usually around $25 – and this will include the cost of the airline staff watching over them on the flight and ushering them to meet the other parent at arrival gate. If there are two kids flying solo, it will be only one fee.

• Prepare your child by calling it an adventure and spell out all the procedures so that he or she will know what to expect.

• Don’t rely on Jetblue’s TV screens to occupy them the whole time. Just in case, send them off with coloring books, cards, and a few games.

• Pack an extra snack because, just like you, they may sneer at airline food – if they are offered any. Hungry kids are cranky kids. You don’t want passengers to howl in protest.

I think it was the fabulous Bette Davis who said growing older is not for sissies. Well, it’s not for fashionistas who like their trends with a second-skin fit, either.

But now that Spanx has taken over our universe, even late night Ben & Jerry binges and pasta-crazed vacations in Italy don’t keep us from our pencil skirts and matte jersey DVF dresses.

There’s a real sense of communal joy when women talk about body-shapers now. Instead of embarrassed whispers of “do I look fat in this?” we’re whooping it up in the dressing rooms at Saks and Bloomies. We’re sharing our latest control-garments the way we used to trade info about gynecologists and colorists.

Of course it helps that the word “girdle” is never mentioned. I came late to the party, preferring teeny thongs and lacey demi-bras no matter what the outcome.

Then one day last May beneath my Dolce & Gabbana sheath was a little pooch I couldn’t deny.

Maybe Susan Sarandon or Kim Cattrall could have pulled it off, but I slipped on my first Spanx Hide & Sleek Full Slip ($72, pictured) and was reborn.

Are they sexy? Well, the slips and camis are, especially in black. But the panties and bodysuits are more empowering than sensual, so choose your poison and know when to wear what.

Recently I did a little investigative undercover work and found some new favorites. Try what I consider these five essential pieces and let me know what you think. All are available at department stores right now:

Yummie Tummy Hip Length Shapewear Tank ($62)

A perfect layering piece to sandwich between others and wear out over jeans; the flattening tummy panel is undetectable to the eye. Get it in chocolate and navy and no one’s the wiser.

Sassybax Torso Trim Camisole with Underwire ($75)

Is your child “missing” activities because you can’t afford them, or don’t have time to take him, or the schedule interferes with his father’s visitation? Stop worrying. You may be doing your child a big favor. Less can actually be more.

Here is the sixth and last article for FWW by Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, co-author of “The Over-Scheduled Child.”

A fundamental adult responsibility is to teach children character. Kids with character stand out. I bet you recognize them the moment you see them.

How do they acquire that character?

No kid I know listens to what his or her parents say. I certainly didn’t!

Intelligent children watch what their parents do. Does a parent live up to his or her ideals? Do parents treat others with dignity? Do they dedicate some of their time to the less fortunate?

Do they kowtow to wealth and station or do they value people of character, rich and poor alike?

Do they drive home tipsy after a party?

Do they strive to be close to friends and to get balance in their lives?

Do they take time for pleasure? Do they read books and love to learn? Do they truly listen to what others say and modify their opinion if someone – even a child -- makes a better argument?

Every good parent sacrifices plenty. To have the energy and good humor parents need to nurture their children, they must have a life too. Yet the stress of over-scheduling insinuates itself into parents’ lives, too.

Kids whose parents were pleased with their lives are better parents. To raise happier kids, parents need to enjoy themselves more. And that means having more fun in bed!

What can you do? You might keep a few principles in mind:

• Childhood is a preparation, not a full performance. You have to resist pressuring your child to be almost professional at an early age.