Divorce is a complicated process emotionally, legally, and financially. Thoughtful planning and patience, however, can make your decision to divorce — and the process itself — smoother.

Planning should begin from the moment you have a single notion about getting a divorce. Trust your instincts that divorce may be in the cards and begin to plan logically while you still can. Take note, for example, that much of the business of private investigators comes from spouses engaged in pre-divorce planning. Savvy divorce lawyers tell prospective clients to find out as much as possible — as early as possible — before the papers are even served. Divorce lawyers Steven Fuchs and Sharon Sooho advise women to "win" the divorce battle with the ancient Chinese tactics of strategic planning, stealth, and deception.

So put an end to your natural inclination to be a "good girl" who only wants "what is rightly mine, fair and reasonable" — because you may be in for a big surprise. Men are used to planning, and preparing for battle is the key to winning. Don't lose your divorce because you enter unprepared. Plan for your divorce and learn what is needed to get the best possible divorce outcome.

Here are five critical financial actions you should take before you even think about divorce:

1. Make copies of all financial records and statements; compile your list of assets and debts. Know where your money is and what you owe. Make a list of all institution names, account numbers, title on accounts, balances, credit lines, interest rates, type of investments, etc. Knowing exactly what is at stake financially will alleviate surprise, hasten discovery, and avoid delays later on. Find a safe place to store everything confidentially.

Here’s the problem with most Christmas presents: you already have it or you don’t want it. And as soon as it’s open, you’ve already forgotten what it was. Worse if you’re the one giving the present, and you’ve just watched someone open three identical gifts, one of which was yours. Worse yet, when the ex-husband outspends you four-to-one on presents for your children.

Especially this year, throwing money around just seems wrong.

So here’s a proposal. Try coming up with Christmas and Hanukkah presents that pull people together instead of splitting them apart. That offer an experience instead of something to be dumped in the bottom of a closet, or regifted.

It takes some thinking (which is free!) and you have to know the person well. But here are some ideas for holiday gifts that keep on giving.

• The bored teenager who has everything (1)

You’ll never find the right clothes because what was in last month is now out. Electronics? You don’t even know what the kid has at this point (a lot). Instead, give an experience. For $100 you can give him or her a gift certificate for a flying lesson. Yes, in an airplane. I’ve had a great experience with Pilot Journey but you can also go to a local (ideally small) airport and just talk to an instructor. The astonishment, the worry, the preparation, the lesson itself will stretch out in memory. $100 is a lot of money, but this is a lot of experience. You only have one first flying lesson in your life. And the whole family can watch and take pictures with their cell phones.

• The bored teenager who has everything (2)

It used to be that opening brand name boxes — Tiffany's, Abercrombie & Finch, Ralph Lauren — would elicit oohs and ahs over the holidays. Okay, maybe they still do, but the diving economy has caused a shift in thinking, and now — hip hip hoorah — meaningful and personalized presents are the new status gifts this holiday season.

With that in mind, we have assembled a gift list that will touch the heart for $50 or less. In fact, these gifts could be considered priceless in that they hearken back to the original intention of the holidays.

1. Create a personalized photo book or calendar. Cull through all your old photo albums, slides, and memory cards and gather up some of your favorite pictures. Whether you choose one major event (wedding, birthday, trip), a shared history, or just treasured moments together, this is a wonderful present that can be appreciated for years to come.

Local retailers like Kinkos (calendar $19.99) and Ritz Camera both offer various options for creating unique pictorial presents from either digital or photo images. There are also online services like Snapfish ($18.99 for a 2009 photo calendar) that don’t even require you to leave your home, as long as you have digital images on hand. Our favorite is Apple’s iPhoto, which allows you to design glossy hard- or soft-cover photo albums with personalized captions.

Now that Thanksgiving has passed, we know what comes next: the big push to find (and pay for) all kinds of presents for neighbors, co-workers, the mailman, church members, and that aged aunt we haven’t seen in 30 years.

Just in time, we’ve got a great discussion going on at FWW’s social network. Money, post-divorce, can be tight and our members have gotten together to exchange gift and decorating ideas to make the holidays more affordable. I thought I would share a few of their suggestions here. For more check out “Inexpensive holiday ideas" on the network.

Gifts:

• Buy Chinese take out boxes from Smart and Final, decorate the outside with the recipient's name and some frou-frou, then put in tissue paper, half a dozen or so cookies, and the recipe.

• Decorate holiday wreaths. Take a walk and collect pinecones, spray-paint them gold or silver and put them on the wreaths. Jo-Ann Fabrics & Crafts and Michaels have great sales on ornaments to add on the wreath. Try to theme your wreaths to your friends’ or relatives’ favorite hobbies, personal style, etc.

• Do you have a great cookie, bar or brownie recipe? If so, give someone else the chance to make it. Layer the dry ingredients in a mason jar. Decorate the top with Christmas fabric, pompoms, beads and so on. Write the recipe on a cute card. All the recipient has to do is add eggs and water and voila, tasty holiday treats!

‘Tis the time to think about entertaining. As a divorced woman, inviting people over to your house expands your social circle — but not necessarily your waistline — and has the added bonus of being cheaper than going out. If friends invite you out to dinner, you have to reciprocate, and entertaining from your home is often 1/5 the cost of a restaurant.

Plus, you want to create happy memories in your home for your children, and just because the Ex isn’t there doesn’t mean you can’t create — and maintain — cherished traditions.

Having been an editor in chief of several magazines, I have learned quite a few tricks for entertaining on a budget. Here are some that may appeal to you.

1. Lights in winter. People may remember the ambiance more than the food. You can make Santa Fe candles (and the kids can help) to line the sidewalk: a small brown paper bag, some sand for the bottom, and a candle set inside. Roll down the top of the bag, light the candles and there you have an inexpensive and charming way of decorating outdoors. As for inside, try paper globes hung from an archway, lighted with fairy lights, or invest in some nice fat candles. Buy them in bulk online (a four-inch-tall pillar is as little as $2.99 at www.candles.com) or try Pier One or Ikea. Use the candles all over the house. Et voila! It’s romantic, cheery, and will make the house beautiful. But avoid scented candles, which could be suffocating.

2. Decorate with fruit. Fill a bowl with polished apples. I have also used one large red bowl and two smaller ones filled with green apples as a holiday centerpiece. Apples can hold place cards for a sit down dinner. And then, after the party, the apples can become apple crisps or apple pies. Oranges studded with cloves are another holiday classic.

There's no sugarcoating that these economic times are tough and are creating the need to be resourceful with the money we have. That’s why we want to be your source for reSOURCEful spending.

Our FWW financial experts know how to stretch a dollar like salt water taffy and how to devise money-saving tips that won't leave a saccharine aftertaste in your wallet. The sweet life can still exist, as long as you’re smart and nimble with insurance, stocks, cars, your work, your home and your life.

Below we have gathered the best "nougats" from our experts. They provide nudges, hints, and suggestions for actions you can take to put the power back into your hands — where it belongs. And it's written in ways that anyone can understand. While it’s not a cure-all, it may be the needed spoonful of sugar in the castor oil of recession.

1. Save Money Wisely. Yes, we know it’s easier said than done. But with a little creativity, you can trim your budget with a scalpel, not a hatchet. First, try out 10 Painless Financial Slimmers to cut out your financial fat with very little pain and lots of gain. Next, spend a weekend Winterizing Your Home — we promise it works, whether you’re in Walla Walla or Williamsburg. Last but not least, Turn Off Your Financial Leaks — you know, the little things like ATM fees, insurance deductibles, and hidden airline costs. If you know the right tips, you can make like Moses and stop the flow before your pocketbook is drained.

If you see an appealing ad on Craig’s List, or in the newspaper, or online, the first thing you should do is check the year, make and style of the car on www.kellybluebook.com. Kelly will immediately (for free) give you a range of prices, from a car in poor condition to one in excellent condition, for your specific area.

If the price seems reasonable, and if you are seriously interested it’s time to go see the car in person and do a walk around. That is, walk all the way around, and look down the length of the car. It’s best to do this in bright light, during the day. Are there ripples in the paint? If so, it may have been in an accident. Are there different color paints on the door and the frame or uneven gaps around the hood, doors, and trunk? Those too are signs it has had body work after an accident. Check inside the trunk: is the body color overlapping any rubber or plastic? Then it’s been repainted, and — say it with me now — you know it’s been in an accident.

Why shouldn’t you get a car that’s been in an accident? No. 1, airbags (see Part 1), and No. 2, the possibility of a bent frame, or serious cracks that can’t be repaired.

A Test Sit

Now, sit in the driver’s seat. Is it worn? Does it sag? Does it adjust to a height and angle that you find comfortable? Can you see easily over your left and right shoulders? If the car doesn’t feel right for you, it’s not right for you. Check the back seats too, if that's where family will be sitting. Can they see out? Can they have a conversation with someone in the front seat? Are the seatbelts readily accessible?

What You Can Check Yourself

When I split with my husband, I left him the Volvo, the apartment, the wall-to-wall carpeting, and the TV. That’s how badly I wanted out. Then I bought myself a used car, a junker with a gaping hole where the radio should have been. The glove box wouldn’t stay closed. The car sometimes stopped for no reason. Belts snapped, tires blew, engine heads were blown.

So I speak from experience when I tell you there are right ways and wrong ways for divorced women to buy a used car. Obviously if you and your husband have divided the six vintage cars in the garage, this doesn’t apply to you. But if you and he had one car, and he keeps it, and you need one... and if your credit is pretty much like everyone else’s, and if banks and car dealers are not making car loans... you may find yourself as a free agent, trying to pay cash for a car that will run, won’t break down, and especially won’t kill you.

For argument sake, I’ve chosen a budget of $5,000 to $6,000. At that price you are not likely to find a lot of cars at dealers showrooms (if you can find a dealer’s showroom, since they are all closing.)

Did I say “kill you” back there? Here’s a little known fact: some used cars have been in accidents where airbags have been deployed. And because airbags cost $1,000 or $2,000 or more to replace, sometimes the garage, sometimes the owner, just don’t replace them.

Then the car is put up for sale, “as is.”

So you may buy a car that is equipped with airbags — but instead of functioning airbags there are plastic packing peanuts, or Styrofoam cups, or a used airbag. Based on information from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, www.carbuyingtips.com, a friend who has worked at a dealership (he calls it a “stealership”) and a source who has bought and sold many cars, here is the FWW guide to buying a used car.

The same reason I hate the word “diet” is why I am repelled by the word “budget.” Makes me feel like I’m starving and undernourished. However, as someone who now is being forced to trim costs in this economy, I have found some painless solutions to increase your cash and save you sleepless nights.

Plus, they’re so easy that, once you accomplish them, you will feel virtuous and safe.

1. According to the Department of Labor, the average American family of four will spend $8,513 on groceries per year. But prices have soared — milk is now twice as expensive as last year — at a time when we need them to be reduced. Making bigger shopping trips less often, however, will slash what you spend and reduce waste. Most of us go to the market at least three or four times a week and according to the Marketing Science Institute, buy 54 percent more than planned. Make a list and stick to it. The average impulse buy is $10 - $40 a week. You could be saving as much as $160 a month.

2. When at the grocery store buy generic. It saves you a fortune — as much as ten cents to a $1 on each item ranging from cereals, canned tomatoes to club sodas. You can also have similar savings on items at the pharmacy ranging from aspirin to mouthwash. Another money slimmer is buying in bulk at places like Costco once a month. This is where I have loaded up on items like detergent, paper towels and dog food. But as divorced moms, if you are also doing triple duty as soccer mom, career mom and gymnastics mom, another solution is using the delivery services like Stop n’ Shop. They charge a little extra for delivery but drop off all the bulk items so you save time and costs of transportation and lugging all the groceries to your house. As long as you buy a huge amount at one time — and they do have good savings there — it is truly worth it.