Is hubby suddenly logging on to classmates.com and talking about the good old days when he was a high school basketball star? Perhaps he’s taking up running, or he’s running to the gym to work on his abs and pecs?

Is he donning black leather jackets instead of Brooks Brothers? Is he spending more time in the bathroom than you do, and using more products?

Hmmm. He may be going through a mid-life crisis, but more likely he's doing the hanky panky with someone else.

The American psychic Edward Cayce said that intuition is knowledge from an unknown source that is usually true. As we all know, a woman's intuition is usually spot-on — especially when it comes to whether her guy is straying. However, the desire to avoid divorce puts us in a state of denial.

But, girlfriends, better to know the truth. That way you can come from a position of power in confronting the problem and solving it. With your interests in mind, we asked Danine Manette, the author of Ultimate Betrayal: Recognizing, Uncovering and Dealing with Infidelity, what 15 signs to look for if you suspect your mate is making out with someone else.

1. Do his friends' wives give you a pitiful, sympathetic look without saying anything?

2. Does he work more overtime, but still never have any money?

3. Does your mate have some new activity that occurs on the same night every week, and to which you are not invited?

4. Does he answer you promptly when you ask where he's been or does he hesitate before replying?

5. Has he suddenly begun carrying gum or breath mints?

6. Is he experiencing a sudden unexplained interest in changing his hairstyle and general appearance?

7. Has he started leaving his cell phone in his car at night, “to charge”?

Domestic abuse does not have to be physical to be experienced as abuse. Abuse can include belittling a woman, keeping her on a very tight leash financially, limiting her movements outside of the house, filling the house with fear. A Canadian study found that 79 percent of marriages with serious abuse end in divorce.

The first step in dealing with abuse is recognizing it. But action must be taken. Here are some sources of information:

• National Domestic Abuse Hotline

• Domestic Abuse Awareness Handbook

• State Coalition List

• Domestic Abuse Shelters

• Domestic Abuse Victims Rights

Escaping Domestic Abuse:

If you or someone you know are living in an abusive relationship, and there is a chance of danger, the important thing is being ready and able to leave. Leaving isn’t an easy decision to make, I understand that. If you are decide to stay in a relationship, but think you might have to flee some day for safety’s sake, keep a survival kit ready.

Look up the addresses of the nearest women’s shelters or motels, so you know you will have a place to go. And make sure you have the following items with you:

• Money for cab fare

• A change of clothes

• Extra house and car keys

• Birth certificates

• Driver’s license or passport

• Medications and copies of prescriptions

• Insurance information

• Checkbook

• Credit cards

• Legal documents, including, if you have them, separation agreements and protection orders

• Address books

Domestic abuse is about control and power, usually a man getting and keeping control and power over a woman. To simplify it, someone who commits domestic abuse is a control freak, and for the sake of argument, we are going to use the pronoun “he.” An abuser can’t feel good about himself unless he feels he is in total control of a woman and the relationship.

The abuser will use physical violence, threats of physical violence, isolation, yelling, screaming, and emotional, sexual or financial abuse to attempt to control his wife and in return control the relationship. He will leave both physical and emotional scars as he tried to remain in control and stave off the feeling of his wife being out of his control. And as the economy gets worse, and recession sets in, and jobs are lost, and income falls… the more an abuser takes out his feelings of helplessness on his wife.

Victims of Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse happens to women of all ages, races and religions. Her economic or professional status is not an indicator of whether or not she will one day be a victim of domestic abuse. Domestic abuse occurs in the poorest neighbor and the priciest mansions.

Nearly 95 percent of domestic abuse victims are women. Over 50 percent of all women will experience domestic abuse in a love relationship and, for 24 to 30 percent of these women, the abuse happens regularly and over a long period.

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Abuse, every 15 seconds a man or a woman becomes a victim of abuse. An abuser may seem gentle, loving, and kind to begin with. A woman might start a relationship thinking she had met her soul-mate, only to discover her mate had no soul at all.

It is Sunday night and Janet’s kids are back home and wild as all heck. Tom, her ex-husband, just brought Allie, age 9 and Sam, age 6, home late, tired, hungry, and wired. Tom has been less than punctual all summer but now Janet is exasperated because she has to prepare the kids for school on Monday.

Janet: “You only think about yourself. The kids are out of control and they’re not ready for school.”

Tom: “What’s the big deal? We had a good time together, isn’t that what’s really important, bonding and all?

Janet: “Tom, we no longer have the leisure to just have fun. School just started two weeks ago. Don’t you realize Allie and Sam have to wake up early tomorrow?”

Analysis: Janet is correct. School is a big transition that requires a change of schedule for the adults in their lives as well. After all, your children learn best by example — and you and your ex have to provide that example.

Summer is unstructured, while school is structured. Summer is focused on fun, while the school year is an amalgam of learning, self discipline, and play (it is a balancing act). Summer provides few frustrations while school, by its nature, can give both kids and adults much to be frustrated about. Kids have to adapt to new schedules, homework, annoying classmates or demanding teachers.

Learning comes easy for some and hard for others. You want your children to center in on their studies so that they can feel competent and capable. It is up to you and your ex-spouse to provide helpful guidance to help your kids through this transition.

Three Solid Tips:

Anticipation

Anticipate the change from summer to school and shift the schedule accordingly. The kids probably need an earlier bedtime and dinner, less television and computer time and more preparation for the next day.

Jen Schefft may have won the popular reality contest The Bachelor in 2003, but she dumped Andrew Firestone, the bachelor in question, because, she said, she didn’t want to settle on the wrong guy.

Then she was the chooser on the sequel, The Bachelorette, where she stunned the two finalists by saying that she didn’t want to commit to either of them.

Why, she wondered, was she reviled, rather than respected, for not rushing to the altar?

Her response is Better Single Than Sorry: A No-Regrets Guide to Loving Yourself and Never Settling, which reminds women that you’re OK if you’re not in a relationship.

As she points out:

• There have never been more single adult women in the U.S. than now.
• We have to learn to find enjoyment by ourselves and not through someone else.
• The odds are that each of us will be alone for parts of our lives, so we can’t look for eternal happiness in a relationship with a guy.

The message here is: You can be alone and not lonely.

The book does stretch this point like salt water taffy and could be condensed. But hey, publishers like longer books, and there are points worth mentioning.

Schefft talked to women in all stages of relationships. One said she settled for a guy and now is divorced. “At the time, I thought he was the best I could get,” she told Schefft. “As I have gotten more confident and more experienced with age, I realize that I deserve so much more.”

Schefft of course points out the advantages of being single. “It forces you to build more of a network in the world,” she says. “If you think about it in the right way and not as something tragic, you can become a much more interesting person.”

The opening lines of Leslie Lehr’s novel “Wife Goes On” will resonate with many women.

“The truth is, I was afraid to be alone” she writes, tapping into most women’s secret fear. “Then I heard my daughter swear she’d never get married and I realized sticking it out wouldn’t win me Mother of the Year.

“If I wanted my kids to be happy, I would have to show them how. So I tore off those golden shackles — and found out I wasn’t alone. … Everywhere, there are members who have paid their dues, know the secret handshake and are reaping the benefits of real friendship. Welcome to Club Divorce.”

That’s Diane, an MBA hotshot turned PTA Superman, speaking. In Lehr’s frothy romp, the bond of friendship between Diane and three other women creates opportunities for hankies for the tears, a hankering for new careers, and hanky-panky in dating.

Diane’s husband gambled away their assets, proving that even if your hubby is in the insurance business, there is no assurance that marriages last forever. She uses her business moxie to start Pure Romance, a company selling sex toys based on the Tupperware models of your mom’s generation.

Then there is Lana, a luscious former actress who works in a furniture store, and isn’t going to sit around and feel sorry for herself.

Annette is the hard-edged divorce lawyer who has to pay alimony to her ex-husband, who left her for a man and got custody of their daughter. She wants her child back, on her terms.

Finally there is the homecoming queen, Bonnie, who married the football star and finds that her life — saddled with two kids and Buck, a beer-swilling husband — is no fairytale.

Lehr’s characters experience all the dramas and traumas of divorce — dealing with lawyers, pissed-off kids, budgets shrunken to the size of a brownie, relocation, rejection, and, most importantly, rejuvenation.

Life isn’t over after a divorce. It’s a new beginning. But women are worried about dating again, about their ex-husbands dating again, and about the shaky feeling that comes when the divorce process begins.

www.truemomconfessions.com has agreed to swap content with firstwivesworld.com every week. True Mom Confessions provides the questions, and we provide the advice.

True Mom Question:

I don't know the protocol on dating after divorce. I haven't had feelings for soon-to-be ex DH in a long time, so I feel like I'm ready to embark on the dating scene. Do I wait until the divorce is final (at least four more months)? How long before I introduce him to the kids? I am really scared about this situation. Will anybody want to date a single Mom?

First Wives World Answer:

Single moms date all the time, and find love again. It’s called reinvention and renewal and possibility. It all awaits you in the next chapter of your life. Look at Reese Witherspoon, even Angelina Jolie. They were single moms. Now you may think, “I’m not a movie star.” But you are. You have within you something that shines brightly and will be desirable to the right person. Since your divorce is going to be finalized in four months, however, why not wait? Use this time to embark on improving yourself, buying a new outfit for a first date, and becoming the best person you can be. As far as when to introduce someone to the kids, let’s wait until you find someone worthy. While there are no set rules, most experts say you shouldn’t introduce kids to anyone you haven’t dated for at least six months. You want them to have faith in the sturdiness and consistency of love. Life is long. A whole new future awaits you, and your children.

TMQ:

What does a divorced girl need besides a good attorney, a loyal girlfriend and gainful employment? A good laugh.

“Still Hot: The Uncensored Guide to Divorce, Dating, Sex, Spite, and Happily Ever After” by Sue Mittenthal and Linda Reing delivers.

It’s a bubbling summer cobbler about the trials and tribulations of women whose middle-aged husbands leave them for the office cupcakes, dishy Russian bimbos, or hot Tarot card readers.

Sue Mittenthal and Linda Reing met when their children were toddlers and reconnected when their husbands toddled off. Only after they had moved on from their divorces could they look back and see the unexpected comedy in the drama; they decided to share it in this book, along with observations of divorced friends they met along the way.

Here are some observations:

Tell-Tale Signs He’s Leaving

• You see him gazing into the rearview mirrors while pulling up the skin around his eyes.
• Lately he volunteers to stir-fry tofu and bok choy.
• You find men’s moisturizer in the medicine cabinet, next to his Crest whitening strips and his Just For Men hair dye kit.
• He starts futzing with his comb-over and you catch him clicking on classmates.com.

Just Because He Wants a “Do-Over” It’s Not Your Fault

“That’s revisionism. You are no more responsible for his wretched state that you are for his receding hairline. His about-face is a direct result of his fear of death and decrepitude.”

Girlfriends and “Frenemies”

A girlfriend hears about your divorce and “whisks you off to Linens ’n’ Things” for fresh bedding or shepherds you to Victoria’s Secret”; she also doesn’t laugh while you “try on the rhinestone-studded g-string.”