The basic and average family unit consists of one maternal unit, one paternal unit, and on average two child units. This is the way children (including myself) are taught. That is what they believe to be unequivocally true along with such things as 2+2=4 and their ABC's. What divorce is, in the most stripped-down and harshest of terms, is the destruction of the basic family unit and a core belief in your child. 

Depending on age and lifestyle-based circumstances, I guess you could say that your child will be affected in millions of different ways and possibilities than the kid next door or even me. That being said, I bet you're wondering, "What about my teenager? How will s/he deal with this?" It's floating somewhere in your mind, and frankly, it's a matter of great concern.

I was a few months into my sixteenth year of life when my parents decided to get a divorce. Granted, it was more of a one-sided decision, but that's a story for another day. Right now, let's just focus on your teenager. Firstly, we know that your teen is very in tune with their family unit, they've had at least thirteen years to get used to it, and probably have become attached to it by now. We also can safely assume that they observe, and mentally note the matter that their parents have been fighting an awful lot. Well, I'm going to share with you a secret about your teen. They're afraid of a lot of things, even if under torture they would never admit it! In the back of their heads, every time a huge argument breaks out in the house is this little thought bubble that asks "What if Mom and Dad got divorced?".

Let me tell you, it's a big eye-opener when you realize that Mom and Dad could be getting a divorce. Now I'm no shrink, and I don't have a degree hanging on the back wall, but I am an eighteen year old, and that makes me an expert on how your Teen will deal with your divorce. In fact, not only have I personally gone through a divorce, I watched my Aunt and Uncle go through a divorce, and on top of that I've witnessed divorces left and right among my friends throughout my high school career.

Now your teen is involved in a higher level of education, has more connection to his/her emotions, and to top it all off with a big red cherry, your teen deals with more pressure and conflict and drama than any other age group out there. Now-now, I know what you're thinking — you're thinking that if you tell your Teen now, that they're going to leave the house and not come back that night. To tell you the absolute truth, I almost did the day my Father left. Hell, for the next year of schooling I was failing classes left and right and I don't even want to go into the Inter-Continental-Ballistic-Missile that bullz-eyed my social life.

Ok, so I had a bit of a bad time of it, but let's focus again on the topic at hand, your teen. It's true that Teens have access to, and will do more self-destructive things than young kids. Yes it's true they aren't as self-sufficient as you'd like them to be. And YES they have high chances of dealing with your divorce in a dangerous manner. There, all the bad stuff is out of the way.

There's a very good reason that I didn't turn to drugs, or suddenly leave and never come back throughout my experience with divorce. My Mother. Plain and simple right? My Mom sat me down the night of D-Day and she said to me "AJ, I know your Father left today, and I know you're feeling a whole mess of things." And I said, "Yeah." That's all it took, one little sentence of recognition that I really wasn't ready and able to fully cope with this divorce.

I know that in your heart you want to help your teen through your divorce each and every step of the way, and you should. Smother them with love and caring and break everything down for them. Spend extra time with them. Let them know that their family hasn't been destroyed. Let them see for themselves.