When 22-year-old Vanessa Van Petten saw a hole in the digital market, she decided to fill it. Where was the teen's voice? The teen's opinion? "I was reading lots of mommy and daddy blogs all over the Web; some had great advice and others were really missing some major points," says Van Petten, founder of OnTeensToday.com. A child of divorce herself, Van Petten (right) credits her nontraditional upbringing for the determination and versatility she possesses today.

"I grew up with two religions, four VERY different types of parents, as an only child, as one of four, in a big house, in a small house, in a liberal house and in a strict house," she explains. "I really got to live in the range and can relate to many different kinds of readers."

That determination and versatility are exactly the qualities to which her readers respond. Her web site, which is dedicated to offering a forum for teens to express themselves, reach out to other parental figures, and provide perspective on the elusive teenager, has become a smash hit with young and old alike since its launch in September 2007.

And when we say "smash hit," we mean it. OnTeensToday.com receives thousands of emails a day. "Parents mostly read my web site, but I work privately with teens and run a private social network for them as a forum and I hear from them a lot in those areas," says the Los Angeles resident.

How can Van Petten help you decode your kid? Here, four tried-and-true tips to smooth the familial transitions, from separation to divorce to second marriages:

You Can Never Say I Love You Too Much. We might roll our eyes or pretend not to hear, but in this time, we cannot hear it enough.

Juggling soccer practice, violin lessons, tutors, and everything else in between can be extremely difficult to manage for any family, but for divorcing parents it’s all the more challenging.

Using online parenting calendars will help give your children a sense of predictability. You can even enlist the help of your children to set up the initial information on the website. It is an opportunity for them to see how you manage time and schedules which is an excellent skill for a child of any age to participate in and observe. Take a look at all of the options and decide which features you will use given your family’s needs.

Several websites offer online parenting calendars with various features and functions to make life easier. Each paid site offers a schedule, database for doctor and medical contact information, keeping track of expenses, school and homework info, and uploading photos to share. Subscription sites tend to be more complete, but the free calendars have benefits as well:

Sharekids.com: This program costs $200 per year for a joint account and $100 per year for an individual account. They also offer a lifetime fee structure which is $1000 for a joint account and $500 for an individual account. If you have young children, you may want to consider this option if you find this program works for you and your family. As an added bonus, they offer a 30 day free trial with absolutely no obligation to you.

With school back in session, the subject of homework is back on the table. Here are some examples of typical problems, especially in divorced families, and tips for how to solve them.

Sarah and Anthony have been divorced for three years and Sarah has been the primary custodial parent. It has its rewards and frustrations. Now, it’s two weeks into the school year, and Sarah has just gotten off the phone with her son’s new teacher. Sarah is beyond upset, because it is happening again. Joey, age 11, looks like he is doing his homework but somehow it doesn’t get from his school bag to the teacher’s desk. She turns to Joey and says,“You mean you forgot to hand in your homework again?” He cowers under the criticism and spits back, “Why are you always so mean?”

Let’s unpack this vignette. There is a pragmatic problem to solve as well as an emotional problem to address.

First let’s look at the pragmatic problem. Joey may have what psychologists call Executive Functioning Problems. This is when the mind has poor management of organization and priorities.

It is as if the executive secretary that is metaphorically in everyone’s head, telling you to do something or reminding you of what may be required, is asleep at her desk. Many kids with Executive Functioning Problems also have Attention Deficit Disorder and some suffer from anxiety.

Imagine all the criticism they get on a regular basis.

In divorce, these issues often become magnified because of dealing with two households and two parents who may not be on the same page.

Helpful Tips:

How do you handle the “add-on” expenses of having children? You know, all those little things that are so important: Lessons, sports, back-to-school expenses, etc.

Back to school means new clothes, shoes, backpacks, supplies, fees, lunch money, hair cuts and specialty sports apparel. On the average, you can expect to spend about $750 per child in back-to-school expenses.

There is a lot of pressure on both kids and parents to have the latest technology and fashion. The amount spent to outfit a school-age child these days can be astronomical. You write checks for dancing lessons, soccer dues, hockey equipment, and field trips. You may also be dealing with a co-parent who likes to one-up you on these purchases, or a co-parent who spends too little on these things.

Ideally, you and your co-parent communicate well about expenses for your children and how they will be covered. If you are lucky enough to have an amicable relationship with your co-parent when it comes to money, you can pool together as a healthy bi-nuclear family to try to save money on back-to-school expenses.

Some of our Peace Talks mediation clients create a “kid bank account” with checks and an ATM card for each parent so that when these expenses come up, a check can just be written. A budget is established and each parent contributes his or her share at the beginning of the month, and keeps track of what s/he has spent. If the budget needs adjustment, you can do that periodically. If you’ve over-accumulated money in the account, you can splurge on a special camp in the summer or save for your child’s college education.

My parents divorced when I was nine, and I spent half the week at my mom’s and the other part of the week at my dad’s. The nights would alternate.

Now that I’m in my twenties, I realize that I learned very good organizational skills from living in a divorced household. Packing for a sleepover on a daily basis definitely taught me how to think ahead. In retrospect, I am also very flexible and adaptable.

However, there are definite tips I can suggest to make it easier for your kids.

1. Have your children keep a copy of their school schedule with them all the time (or leave a copy at each house) so that they always know which books, sports equipment, ballet shoes, etc. they’ll need for the next day.

2. Create a homework space at each house. I used to do my homework in my bedroom at my dad's house and in the kitchen at my mom's house.

3. Always have your kids save and back-up their work, or travel with their laptop if they have one. When I was a kid, we had floppy disks and always carried a case of three in my backpack (now they have USB memory sticks). If they’re going back and forth between houses they may have to start a paper at one house and finish it at the other. They should always back up their work on a memory stick and carry it with them.

4. Kids, don't feel bad for yourselves. There are a lot worse things in life. In the end this challenge will probably only make you stronger.

5. Help make your kids’ new home more homey. Create something for them at each house so they can feel at home while they’re there (whether it is decorating their rooms or keeping their favorite food in the fridge).

6. Encourage your children to get extra school flyers. Sometimes I gave it to one parent and not the other, leading a parent to not know of a school event. But parents, you should also ask the school so that it automatically gets sent to you, too.

I commuted back and forth between my mom's and my dad's house every other night from the ages of nine to fourteen.

I was fortunate enough to have divorced parents who got along uncommonly well and lived only five minutes apart. This was hardly the typical divorced family situation. Living in two households inevitably has its drawbacks though, regardless of the relationship your parents may have.

In addition to the general inconvenience of keeping all of your things in two different places, the pre-pubescent years tend to render you with hormonal mood swings and bouts of self-consciousness.

I'm not going to lie. It wasn't easy. I always had to plan out everything I would need for the next 24 to 48 hours well in advance and remember to pack it all up before leaving each time.

Sometimes I would forget things for school, which meant a late night trip back to the other house again to fetch it. I had to give all of my friends four different phone numbers to reach me at — the main line at each house and the kids’ line (this was before cellphones).

I would feel guilty about making plans with my friends when it was Mom's or Dad's night. I always felt more at home in the house I grew up in, which was my dad’s. It's hard to make the second house really feel like home after divorce.

There are some perks too, though. Two houses means two sets of closets, two bedrooms to decorate, two Christmas mornings, two different refrigerators! I always had another home to escape to if I got in a fight with a parent or a sibling and needed to get away. I got more one-on-one time with each parent than the typical teenager with married parents gets. I got two sets of vacations, two "how was your day?" conversations.

The new school year! Time to get supplies, go to bed earlier, and begin a whole new routine. Time to put away our flip-flops and squeeze into socks and new shoes.

If you are divorced and co-parenting, the beginning of the school year can turn up the stress as you try to synch up the schedules of two hectic households. If you need to make a change to your parenting plan, now may be the natural time to do it.

At Peace Talks, we find that shared parenting works best when there is some sort of written agreement. “The agreements are as varied as our clients, but what is important is that the family have a written agreement,” says child custody mediator, Tara Fass.

For examples of how parenting can be shared, see these sample schedules.

It is important to be open to compromises. Above everything else, keep your kids out of the middle of your arguments!

Here are some guidelines:

• Support each other’s privacy — what goes on in the other house is none of your business unless it endangers your child.

• Respect the other parent — talk civilly, use common courtesies, help your children appreciate and recognize the other parent’s efforts to be close to them.

• Communicate regularly with the other parent — use notes, e-mail and phone calls.

• Do your share of parenting and be clear about what you need and expect from the other parent in order to co-parent smoothly.

Problems or no problems, it is always a good idea to keep the other parent updated as to what is happening when the children are with you. You can send a weekly, biweekly, or monthly letter, along with school papers, sports schedules, report cards, drawings, and any and all other materials that may come your way.

Wouldn’t it be great if our waistlines were as thin as a divorced mom’s back to school budget? We know. You have to stretch your dollars like worn-out Spandex and there are too many extra pounds of goods you still need.

However, we have some resourceful budget solutions that can help reduce your stress and help your kids look their best. They may actually learn something too.

Now before we give you this list, we hope that you have already looked in the kids’ closets and done a thorough inventory, just as you did on your assets prior to divorce. If something still fits, you don’t need a whole new wardrobe. One new outfit for their first day of school will deliver the most powerful emotional punch. Then you can wait for sales later in the month, either via internet or at stores. Remember, items are most expensive now.

1. With your child, make an itemized list of what s/he wants such as clothes, shoes, dress outfits, hobby or sports equipment, books, folders, writing utensils, backpacks and electronics such as computers.

2. Use this list as an opportunity to turn them into future Warren Buffets. Tell them what the dollar amount of their budget is and how they have to fit it to that number. Now if you kid says, “Mom, forget the spiral notebooks, I’d rather have Tory Burch flats,” tell them that school supplies have priority. However, if they find them at a cheaper place, then they will have more leftover for Tory.

It can be fun when it’s you flying solo, but not when it’s your kid. Your heart suffers more turbulence than a plane caught in a Kansas tornado. But divorced moms must face the reality of sending their kids off alone on a plane for a scheduled visit with Dad.

However, don’t labor over it — even on Labor Day weekend. There are several procedures you can follow that are as essential as safety belts and more healthy than popping Valium:

• With the increase of divorced kids flying alone, airlines now make provisions for them. The kids are called UM’s – as in unaccompanied minor. Instead of making their airline reservation via internet, you should call the airlines, since they require information on who will deliver the child and who will pick the child up at the destination.

• The person who delivers the child to the plane and the person who picks the child up must both have photo IDs and cell phones.

• The parent will be given a pass to accompany the child to the departure gate and must stay until the flight takes off. Kids age 5 to 7 can fly nonstop only.

• UM’s require an extra payment – usually around $25 – and this will include the cost of the airline staff watching over them on the flight and ushering them to meet the other parent at arrival gate. If there are two kids flying solo, it will be only one fee.

• Prepare your child by calling it an adventure and spell out all the procedures so that he or she will know what to expect.

• Don’t rely on Jetblue’s TV screens to occupy them the whole time. Just in case, send them off with coloring books, cards, and a few games.

• Pack an extra snack because, just like you, they may sneer at airline food – if they are offered any. Hungry kids are cranky kids. You don’t want passengers to howl in protest.

Is your child “missing” activities because you can’t afford them, or don’t have time to take him, or the schedule interferes with his father’s visitation? Stop worrying. You may be doing your child a big favor. Less can actually be more.

Here is the sixth and last article for FWW by Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, co-author of “The Over-Scheduled Child.”

A fundamental adult responsibility is to teach children character. Kids with character stand out. I bet you recognize them the moment you see them.

How do they acquire that character?

No kid I know listens to what his or her parents say. I certainly didn’t!

Intelligent children watch what their parents do. Does a parent live up to his or her ideals? Do parents treat others with dignity? Do they dedicate some of their time to the less fortunate?

Do they kowtow to wealth and station or do they value people of character, rich and poor alike?

Do they drive home tipsy after a party?

Do they strive to be close to friends and to get balance in their lives?

Do they take time for pleasure? Do they read books and love to learn? Do they truly listen to what others say and modify their opinion if someone – even a child -- makes a better argument?

Every good parent sacrifices plenty. To have the energy and good humor parents need to nurture their children, they must have a life too. Yet the stress of over-scheduling insinuates itself into parents’ lives, too.

Kids whose parents were pleased with their lives are better parents. To raise happier kids, parents need to enjoy themselves more. And that means having more fun in bed!

What can you do? You might keep a few principles in mind:

• Childhood is a preparation, not a full performance. You have to resist pressuring your child to be almost professional at an early age.