My college boyfriend gave me a collection of books written by Ayn Rand. One of the books was titled The Virtues of Selfishness. I remember shuddering when I read that title. I wondered to myself how there could be any virtue at all in selfishness. Why would I want to read a book about disregarding the well-being of others in favor of my own well-being?

In my mind, a selfish person was someone who took care of herself first, be damned what that meant to others. A lout who is oblivious to the needs of others and the negative consequences of her "selfishness." Nah, I had no use for a book that thought someone of that character was virtuous in anyway.

Then one day I picked up the book and read the introduction in which Rand wrote, "the exact meaning of selfishness is concern with one's own interests. Rand argued that a "virtue is an action by which one secures and protects one's rational values, ultimately, one's life and happiness. Since a concern with one's own interests is a character trait that, when translated into action, enables one to achieve and guard one's own well-being, it follows that selfishness is a virtue. One must manifest a serious concern for one's own interests if one is to lead a healthy, purposeful, fulfilling life."

While reading the book, I became more and more aware that by being selfish enough to make sure that we are leading "healthy, purposeful, fulfilling" lives we are taking care of our moral obligation to care for and love those who have expectations of us. I learned a lot from Rand's book. I haven't always put into practice what I learned. Being a divorced, single mother puts a person in a situation where it can be hard to cultivate selfishness. So, when you read this article, know that I'm not only writing it for you but as a reminder to myself.

We all need to cultivate a level of selfishness. We need to care enough about ourselves to make sure our needs are met so that we will be able to in turn, meet the needs of those we care about. How do we do that?

First, we look at Rand's definition of selfishness; concern with one's own interest. In other words caring enough about ourselves to get our needs met. To do this there is something important we need to know...what exactly is it we need to be able to live a healthy, purposeful and fulfilling life.

Think about that. Take some time out over the next few days and define your needs, what would make you happy. Next week I will discuss how to get selfish and get those needs met...in a most virtuous way of course.