When I was in my early thirties, newly divorced and dating, well-intentioned friends insisted on scheduling our girly get-togethers near Bloomingdales for a “bite of shopping.” When I was newly divorced (again!) in my mid-forties we’d meet for lunch in Barneys.

The obvious plan in both decades was to get me out of my beloved basic black, and into “something with a little more sex appeal — maybe red or pink, maybe a neckline lower than your collarbone” as my friend Julie put it.

Truth is, I loved the sophistication and attitude of wearing black — it has that whole French fashion thing going for it. Black turtlenecks, slim black trousers, and nearly black nail polish made me feel sophisticated and cool… the way colors never did.

Well here’s a news flash: Somewhere around 50 — right before I met my husband Robert — I began to prefer beige. Beige everything, from pencil skirts to tailored coats to shimmery beige pedicures. My girlfriends worried I was going through a peri-menopause stage of “the blahs.” After all, Lauren Hutton herself once told me in an interview that “wearing beige after 50 makes you invisible.”

I see it differently now and so do designers like Versace, Michael Kors, Valentino, Calvin Klein and Armani, who understand “nude” is the sexiest color alive. Beige, in all its variations from champagne to camel, is glamorous and classy, no matter what color your skintone. Worn head to toe, monochromatic, tone-on-tone, it says luxurious.

So if you’re bored with black, out there looking, or just want to stand out in the crowd — head straight for these beige-y beauties:

Last week, I had my makeup done for the Skin Cancer Foundation Gala where I was a guest of honor and speaker.

Sitting robed and restless in a N.Y.C. salon two hours before the event, I worked on putting the final touches on my speech and my face in the hands of a staff makeup artist (difficult for a control freak like me but I needed rehearsal time ). She asked what look I wanted. “Bigger more dramatic eyes that would connect with the audience from the stage but not smudge if I got a little teary.”

When I finally looked up and into the mirror, my eyes were smoky and huge, highlighted with gold and fringed with individual fake lashes -- perfect for the over-the-top mood of a black tie party, but just not me. I did a quick fix in the ladies’ room, taking it down a notch with Q-tips and powder, pulled off the falsies, and had a great time.

Most women know that a well-done, clean eye makeup enhances their looks and their communication skills. Check out the current makeup of news anchors and women in the political arena -- eye makeup, not lips, are the focal point of the face.

Neutral shades work for everyone, are hard to overdo, and convey confidence whether you’re wrangling a settlement in divorce court, nailing that final bid for a new condo, or attending your college reunion. Experimenting beyond your comfort zone keeps you looking modern and contemporary but it does not have to be complicated.

Rethink and refresh your basics with one or all of these eye makeup changes. They’re easy and get the balance of news and flattery just right.

1. Get a Neutral Shimmer Eyeshadow

Hey, I know it’s not quite October, but the Farmers Almanac predicts a wet, cold winter, and I like to be prepared.

Every woman I talk to is questioning whether a new winter coat is even on her to-buy list now. This is partly due to fashion’s emphasis on layering, which happens to add warmth in addition to style, our communal dislike of big, bulky (read fattening ) puffers, and daily reports on global warming plus a tanking economy.

Frugality is “in” whether you have a corner office, worker-bee cubicle, or a desk and computer stashed in your bedroom. Funny how quickly coat designers learned from last year’s forced markdowns and clogged sales stock to rethink the entire category.

This year’s trenchcoats, those sexy-but-sensible staples (they also never go out of style) are hitting store racks in droves. What started out as a military item has shaped up to be a fashion icon — and nearly every brand is counting on its appeal to revive coat purchases.

Let’s be realistic: For truly hideous weather — treks through snow and storm — those down coats in the backs of our closets are always welcome, but trenches have an offhand glamour that’s irresistible. Trench legends like Audrey and Katharine Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe and Marlene Dietrich are part of the allure, but every front-row chic-ette from Carla Bruni to Catherine Deneuve have been spotted recently in one. They work easily over trousers and pencil skirts, sheath dresses with heels, or jeans with boots — and every brand and designer has a trench in their lineup this season.

Get the double-breasted, notch collar style, and knot the belt bathrobe-style at the waist for definition, even if it has a buckle! The evolution of style has made some changes, a more fitted silhouette, a higher armhole, and leaner shoulder (even those that have epaulettes).

The number of new beauty products being marketed to adult women is now over 100,000 a year and growing steadily — with a definite upwards price boost at every level.

Sometimes it seems as if researchers and scientists behind the scenes must be working 24/7 to develop new technologies and hotter ingredients-of-the-minute, since updated products hit the shelves daily.

Friends and readers ask me about the efficacy of products from drugstores vs. department and specialty stores. They question whether an expensive cream with megastar packaging is definitely worth the splurge.

Right now I’m feeing a big push-back in the air, as everyday lifestyles and the cost of essentials like housing, education, and childcare are genuine concerns for a lot of divorced women. How many times have you been seduced into buying a skin cream or serum that proved unworthy of its promise whether it cost $17 or $70 or $300?

Unfortunately we’ve seen the cost of many at-home anti-aging treatments climb so high they compete with in-office dermatological procedures. As a beauty editor and consultant I evaluate thousands of products each year, so when I come across amazing finds that slide in under $30 and do the job just as well or better than those costing ten times as much, I’m thrilled to share.

In this economy, every bit helps.

Here are five that won’t disappoint and are available at mass retailers and drugstores (all prices are approximate and may vary slightly depending on timing and point of sale):

• L’ Oreal Paris Age Perfect Pro-Calcium Day Cream SPF 15 ($19) Strengthens and plumps up thin, fragile skin with soy proteins, calcium, and marine collagen — just like reupholstering restores a favorite but flabby sofa gone flat and soft.

It’s hard to resist the temptation of a new scent, but when you’ve worn and loved the same fragrance for years, it becomes part of you. The smell that others know you by becomes embedded in your psyche as well as your clothes.

However, a life-changing situation — like divorce — is one of the best times to create a fresh perfume identity. Since scent is the most powerful memory trail of all, who needs the reminder 24/7?

Every time I have changed relationships, let go of a long-term boyfriend or husband, I switched my signature scent. It gave me a fresh start.

My husband Robert knows me as Frederic Malle’s Carnal Flower but friends recall times when a hint of Quelques Fleurs or Fracas said “Lois is here.”

Eye-catching advertising, beautiful display-worthy bottles, and the promise of wafting around in a cloud of sensuality make it hard to be faithful to only one (perfume that is). You’re probably attracted to new scents with the same accords of ones you’ve loved in the past.

Sylvanie Delacourte, a creative director of fragrance for Guerlain, a legendary “nose” in the industry (and a very glam 40+ blonde) told me “the main message of a perfume, the soul, is in one of seven accords, each made up of several notes. Bergamot plus violet plus jasmine is one very common accord, for example. Perfumers dress up the accords with facets (there are eleven, from fruity to spicy to gourmand) and use them as accessories to individualize the scent.”

I now prefer powerful white flower scents and always head straight for the gardenias and tuberoses. This summer I had a test-fling with Guerlain Cruel Gardenia, a feminine scent with slightly dangerous undercurrents. NYC cabdrivers, waiters, my fellow commuters on Metro North, and work colleagues all gave it raves. For most women, style and scent collaborate for one big imprint.

Check any shopping mall and you’ll see identical long manes on moms and their college-bound daughters. And whether you like it or not, most men do prefer long-ish hair (just ask any dating service counselor).

Spurred on by glamorous celebs in their 40s, 50s, and 60s like Demi Moore, Christie Brinkley, and Goldie Hawn, we’re actually growing our hair at the age we used to think about cutting it. I know from years of working on shoots in studio that even stars and ex-supermodels deal with age-related thinning, dryness, and damage from color, highlights, blow-dryers, and flat-irons. Extensions (a well-kept secret of many) are really expensive and annoyingly difficult to maintain (plus can you imagine a man running his hands through your hair and coming away with what looks like a pelt?).

Like us, they’re always looking for repair products and solutions to keep the scissors at bay. These three and the changes they encourage will improve the quality of your hair. Grab them in multiples before your friends snap them up — they’re that good.

1. Shampoo less frequently and use a dry shampoo like Ojon Rub-Out Dry Cleanser ($29 at sephora.com) to freshen your scalp and hair, plus add lots of volume between washes. It doubles the look of your hair better than any thickening spray and eliminates the stress of daily heat-styling. This is now my all-around favorite styling product.

I think it was the fabulous Bette Davis who said growing older is not for sissies. Well, it’s not for fashionistas who like their trends with a second-skin fit, either.

But now that Spanx has taken over our universe, even late night Ben & Jerry binges and pasta-crazed vacations in Italy don’t keep us from our pencil skirts and matte jersey DVF dresses.

There’s a real sense of communal joy when women talk about body-shapers now. Instead of embarrassed whispers of “do I look fat in this?” we’re whooping it up in the dressing rooms at Saks and Bloomies. We’re sharing our latest control-garments the way we used to trade info about gynecologists and colorists.

Of course it helps that the word “girdle” is never mentioned. I came late to the party, preferring teeny thongs and lacey demi-bras no matter what the outcome.

Then one day last May beneath my Dolce & Gabbana sheath was a little pooch I couldn’t deny.

Maybe Susan Sarandon or Kim Cattrall could have pulled it off, but I slipped on my first Spanx Hide & Sleek Full Slip ($72, pictured) and was reborn.

Are they sexy? Well, the slips and camis are, especially in black. But the panties and bodysuits are more empowering than sensual, so choose your poison and know when to wear what.

Recently I did a little investigative undercover work and found some new favorites. Try what I consider these five essential pieces and let me know what you think. All are available at department stores right now:

Yummie Tummy Hip Length Shapewear Tank ($62)

A perfect layering piece to sandwich between others and wear out over jeans; the flattening tummy panel is undetectable to the eye. Get it in chocolate and navy and no one’s the wiser.

Sassybax Torso Trim Camisole with Underwire ($75)

Heart disease is the #1 killer of women, and yet another condition is so prevalent that certain stores should be labeled “dangerous to your health.”

That plague is shopping fever.

Resistant to economic strain, relationship turbulence, and toxic workplace politics, it’s easy to catch in late August or early September.

A diagnosis becomes apparent via your credit card statement weeks after symptoms first appear. At this time you may seem to have developed selective amnesia.

“I didn’t buy this did I?”

There is no cure. As a beauty and fashion editor, I see collections months before they arrive in stores, so by the time they do, I’m nearly over it (having mentally worn and rejected nearly every trend). Shoes and bags are irresistible since they genuinely give last year’s wardrobe and jeans a new look with the least amount of effort, but a few trendy clothing items can also provide a fast update.

For now, the shopping list is short, sane, and in the safe black hue of 90 % of my closet (I can’t splurge until I’m truly in love with an item) but stay tuned:

A High Heel Black Bootie

I thought I’d never want these again, but ankle-cropped booties do look great with opaque tights and tailored skirts, dresses, or stretch pants like the ones below. Open-toe versions are the hotties in this category. Manolo Blahnik’s black patent booties are fabulous at $785 but I ended up with a KORS Michael Kors croc-embossed pair for $380. I visualize them as lasting one season — not a major commitment.

Black Stirrup Pants

It’s not clear exactly when jeans became a staple in every woman-worth-her-Manolos' wardrobe. But the denim universe seems to be polarized into below-the-belly, hip-hugging skinnies fit for Hannah Montana, and unflattering jeans — known in the trade as, shudder, “mom jeans.”

What is a chic woman to do?

Try Not Your Daughter’s Jeans. These high-waist jeans have a cult following for their ability to slim the tummy, lift the butt and diminish the muffin-top.

If that weren’t enough, they’ve received the Oprah seal of approval. But wait, there’s more: most women say they can fit into a size smaller than usual.

The Classic Indigo slim-cut jean costs less than $100 and is available online from Nordstrom.com.

It can easily be dressed up or down with the right tops and accessories. Here are three looks, from day to night, work to play.

1. Work: Pair the Classic Indigo with the Valette cotton cashmere top from Nordstrom ($168, in gray or oatmeal) The oversized collar gives the Valette an ample dose of structure and exudes confidence. Slip on a faux-snakeskin pump, like the Karyn ($125) from Nine West, and you’re set.

Maybe it’s hormonal. I don’t know about you, but at 3 AM I’m wide-awake and e-mailing my friends who are also — boiing! — awake and shopping online.

Rumor has it that sleep-deprivation leads to weight gain, general crankiness, and an urge to splurge on expensive designer bags you’d never buy in the cold light of day. I doubt that’s true, but Madonna and Martha Stewart famously get by on almost no sleep — and they seem slim and on top of their game. But, yes, they are well put-together, come to think of it…

When I do finally doze-off, I’m still multi-tasking and de-aging with these four ingredients:

Prescriptives Good In Bed Restoring Night Moisturizer ($65 at prescriptives.com)

A super-charged hybrid hydrator/subtle self-tanner that smoothes with shea butter and vitamin E, you wake up looking like you’ve been on vacation for weeks.

Rogaine for Men ($29.99 at drugstore.com) dabbed on my skimpy outer eyebrows with a Q-tip

A top NYC dermatologist, Dr. Debra Jaliman, suggested this to me as a possible way to regrow my overplucked brows... and it works! (But ask your own dermatologist first before your try)

John Frieda Frizz-Ease Crème Serum Overnight Repair ($9.99 at your local drugstore)

Work a gumball-size glob through dry hair before bed to restore a silk texture. It won’t leave any residue on pillows or sheets and makes-over crispy fried hair by dawn.

Hanro long black cotton slip-style nightgown ($124 at saksfifthavenue.com)