After a divorce or any life changing event, we reevaluate . . .our lives, our relationships, our history. While the process is integral to your sanity, it's often uncharted, uncomfortable territory. But I found a hobby that makes the healing a whole lot happier.

Scrapbooking.

Yep. That Martha-Stewart-esque-photo-cut-and-paste pastime. It's a downright fun way to organize and make sense of the feelings and memories in your head.

Pull out that box of photos in the attic. Get some adhesive (glue stick is fine) and scrapbook paper at any local craft store. Put the photos on the paper and write down on the paper what the photos contain and your thoughts and memories of those points in history. In the process of remembering and writing it down, a miraculous thing begins to happen. You begin to heal your thoughts, your heart, your soul.

It's the combination of the photos and the journaling that does it. Writing alone, does not remind you of all the parts of yourself the way contemplating a photo does. Writing and making art around those photos, even the simplest kind of art, is altogether healing. It's more powerful than any psychiatrist's couch.

And ninety-eight percent of scrapbookers are women. Much like the quilting circles of generations ago, scrapbook "crops" are weekly events where women gather to work on their craft while sharing the ups and downs, sorrows and joys of their daily lives. Just gathering in a community of women regularly makes scrapbooking a strengthening experience. Throw in the actual process of "scrapping," and you have the means to heal your life.

I have a saying, "Scrap strong sistah." It means scrapbook your life fearlessly. Uncover and discover yourself. Reclaim those parts of yourself you forgot. Venture backwards to conquer going forward. And make some really good art in the process.

Scrap strong sistah. Scrap strong.

I get a lot of reader mail at FocusOnStyle.com — I think that I was born giving advice, but it’s well over a decade that I’ve been problem-solving professionally, and add another one to being in the fashion biz. So when it comes to pining away on dress dilemmas, I probably have heard (almost) everything, and seen plenty, including some bouts of male fraud.

But what about you, the dress distressed divorced diva? It’s been some time since you last went on a first date or that you even attempted to see what’s out there in Guyville. Can it still be that nerve-wrecking to decide about what to wear on a date? You betcha. But it doesn’t have to.

Going on a date can be scary enough when you’re a little rusty. Add the pressure of being judged by your outfit, and most of us can stymie ourselves into a night of indecision, droopy sweats, some takeout Chinese, and a very close relationship with the remote control. Stop. Get out of the house and learn to look like the smart vamp that you are!

If spending time with a new man still gives you reason for acid reflux, start practicing. Understand the value of male friends — gay, straight, young, or old — to take the edge off thinking every date is a potential Mr. Maybe and to help you to be more at ease with male company. Then get yourself some good lingerie — everything from lacy and risqué to body shapers that give you a boost. Toss out all the undies that once shared a home with Ex-Man and start fresh, from the inside out

Most newly divorced divas fall into four types when it comes to perfecting a date-friendly wardrobe:

1) Close to You — You never lost your sense of style, but divorce certainly chipped away at your self-confidence. You need to know that you do have that extra sizzle to make heads turn by taking your style up a notch.

I remember sitting in a doctors reception area before I was divorced and reading an article called the Secret Perk of Being Divorced. My marriage was hanging by a thread at the time and I was very sad about the idea of having a broken family. The author was recently divorced and wrote about the wonderful feeling of having a whole weekend to herself while the kids were with their dad. Ironically, she wrote he rarely made time for the kids when they were married, but was now spending every other weekend doing everything from making pancakes to baths at night.

Something clicked in me when I read that article, and I started to focus on the ways my life would improve if my marriage failed. One of the things I looked forward to the most was more quiet time to read and journal. I also looked forward to being able to talk on the phone with my friends, and have long conversations or simply silly conversations without him wanting me to get off the phone or have judgment about what we were talking about.

When we did ultimately divorce, one thing that I was able to do again was take long workouts on Saturday morning and have long lunches with friends. I have always needed a lot of time to spend with my girlfriends and to replenish my soul in nature working out. I look forward to that time every weekend, and could not imagine my life with out it.

I often get asked if I am dating, and while I love men and miss sex a lot, I am now even more particular about the people with whom I spend time. I love my children and am so fulfilled taking care of them. I love my freedom and ability to see friends and spend time alone. I have asked myself if something is wrong with me because I have not gotten into another serious relationship or marriage in the last few years. Truth is, I love the ability to come and go with the kids as I want. I am so happy. I am not weird, just protective of my time.