Every woman who has gone through a divorce knows it can be lonelier in the wrong relationship than it would to be single.

Being without a man is really not the survival test it is made out to be. Instead, when single, you can are in control and can enjoy the luxury of managing your own world. The whole universe your oyster!

As a single woman you have so many distinct, delicious possibilities to explore — far more than someone who's married. Seize the day. For now, your life gets to be all about you — you your attention can be directed at your desires rather than subject to the whim of a protesting partner.

You can focus on making sure that your working life works for you. You have the time to search for the right job, and then to concentrate on excelling in it. You have the sole say as to how you spend the disposable that is a product of your labor! There is no other half complaining you should be spending money on new wall paint rather than a new nail polish.

You can get the body you want — no one is pressurizing you to keep up with their penchant for calorific takeouts. Take this opportunity to gain control over your habits. You can decide how to spend your free time without fear that it will conflict with anyone else's agenda. At a moment's notice you can take a trip to the gym... or enjoy a quiet night in under the covers with an eye mask and large tub of Ben & Jerry's!

You are in the driving seat of your destiny — and the type of vehicle you motor around in. Who said that a pink mini-cooper was not a sensible car? Home is your domain — if you want, you can take pride in it and perfectly feng shui your pad without fear of a smelly soccer equipment voiding its vibe. And its location is YOUR choice. You can go for a shoebox with a fabulous location if you want — there's no one complaining about the lack of outdoor space for BBQ'ing.

Not long ago I wrote a blog post on my blog at Divorce Support.About.com. In it, I discussed ways to keep the family court system from gaining too much control over what happens in your divorce. I had a comment left that I found very enlightening and an apt description of how adversarial divorce has become. I'm going to use the comment here in hopes of making a point.

"Does divorce ever end? The answer, predictably, is "Yes," but not until you've reached the end of your patience, logic, optimism and reasonableness. Because, you see, that's exactly the point: The divorce wars have little to do with Mediation or Courts or even which spouse is the more childish of the two. It's about power and who can manage to stand on the log longer before toppling off, into the rushing water below.

If you really want to make it to the shore of singledom without finding yourself tossed into shark-infested waters, learn the art of endurance. Exercise until the sweat gushes from pores and glands you didn't know you had; take a Yoga class and learn discipline of the mind, spirit and body.

Build up your strength from within and get ready to stick to what you want like a barnacle to a shipwreck. After you've proven your tenacity, it won't matter whether it's a mediator or a lawyer assisting you on this voyage: You'll have set your course and now all you'll need to do is steer towards your goal."

I won't argue with anything in the above statement. If you have been through an adversarial divorce, you know from experience that it does boil down to who is the weakest, who has the most stamina, and who can hire the most expensive attorney.

Our reaction to stressful events such as divorce can become so habitual that they occur without our awareness. We become so accustomed to reacting to stress in a certain way that it is second nature to us. We aren't aware that we are reacting in a way that is harmful to us until we are plagued with physical or emotional problems that we can no longer ignore.

The way we react to stress depends on the way we think about a stressful event when it happens. Have you ever known anyone who seems to sail straight through the problems in their lives? There are people in the world who can deal smoothly with issues that might cripple others emotionally. I'm sure you've met such people and have even been envious of their ability to "take it on the chin."

The one thing that enables these people to deal so well with a stressful event is the way they think about the event or issue. They aren't in the habit of jumping to the worst conclusion. They are not habitual, negative thinkers who are prisoners of their own "I can't handle this" attitude.

It wasn't until I went through my divorce that I became aware of just how much damage being addicted to negative thinking can do. I literally became physically and emotionally exhausted from worry -- exhaustion that occurred because I had no idea how to be mindful of what I was thinking and how my negative thinking was affecting me physically and emotionally.

Most people use the term "mindfulness" to express the need to stay tuned into what is going on in your life. I use the term to express the importance of staying tuned to what is going on in your head. Be mindful of those thoughts rattling around in your brain because it is those thoughts that will determine how well you navigate stressful events and issues as they come up.

I get a lot of reader mail at FocusOnStyle.com — I think that I was born giving advice, but it’s well over a decade that I’ve been problem-solving professionally, and add another one to being in the fashion biz. So when it comes to pining away on dress dilemmas, I probably have heard (almost) everything, and seen plenty, including some bouts of male fraud.

But what about you, the dress distressed divorced diva? It’s been some time since you last went on a first date or that you even attempted to see what’s out there in Guyville. Can it still be that nerve-wrecking to decide about what to wear on a date? You betcha. But it doesn’t have to.

Going on a date can be scary enough when you’re a little rusty. Add the pressure of being judged by your outfit, and most of us can stymie ourselves into a night of indecision, droopy sweats, some takeout Chinese, and a very close relationship with the remote control. Stop. Get out of the house and learn to look like the smart vamp that you are!

If spending time with a new man still gives you reason for acid reflux, start practicing. Understand the value of male friends — gay, straight, young, or old — to take the edge off thinking every date is a potential Mr. Maybe and to help you to be more at ease with male company. Then get yourself some good lingerie — everything from lacy and risqué to body shapers that give you a boost. Toss out all the undies that once shared a home with Ex-Man and start fresh, from the inside out

Most newly divorced divas fall into four types when it comes to perfecting a date-friendly wardrobe:

1) Close to You — You never lost your sense of style, but divorce certainly chipped away at your self-confidence. You need to know that you do have that extra sizzle to make heads turn by taking your style up a notch.

Safety continues to be the #1 issue facing today's woman travelers. There are many actions during the travel process (such as getting into a cab), where a woman is vulnerable but she takes with blind trust because that is the only way for her to get from point A to point B or conduct her business. By arming yourself with some tips, tricks and tools you'll be prepared to feel more confident and safe and handle the unexpected turbulence that might come your way.

Some key security tips that every traveler should use:

Check-in Checklist.

In a hotel, don't let the desk clerk announce your room in a voice that can be heard by anyone but you. If you are signing a hotel charge to your room, do not leave the signed receipt on the table; give it directly back to the server. Keep yourself safe and keep unwanted visitors out - check to be sure there's no one else in your room every time you enter, check the phone to make sure it works, and use door bolts and chains. Fire safety: don't trust the map on the back of the door; do a dry run - drop your bags and find the closest exits, then relax. When you go out, leave a note in your room detailing where you went, what time you left and what you were wearing.

Identity Insurance.

Do not allow your name, credit card number, home address or phone to be discussed or printed on any visible document, including luggage tags.

Put Your Best Foot Forward.

Do you like to run as part of your work out routine while on the road? You don't have to run alone - contact a health club or running store and inquire about running clubs; and join one of them for your daily run.

What's in your Wallet.

Minimize the number of credit cards you carry. Good rule: one for business and one for personal. If you are traveling internationally, alert your bank that you will be out of the country and to expect uncommon charges.

Like the old song says, breaking up is hard to do. Getting a divorce is even harder because you can't always cut your ex out of your life. Relationship author/expert Lisa Steadman offers the following five tips for healing and moving on after divorce.

Create new boundaries with your ex

Healing and moving on after a breakup is easier when you can cut your ex out of your life completely. However, when you go through divorce, you can't always do that. Maybe you have kids together, property together, a business together, etc. If this is the case, the first thing to do when going through a divorce is create new boundaries with your ex. Only discuss matters that relate to both of you, i.e. the children, business, property. Don't try to nurture each other through the divorce or talk about your new social life. That just muddies the water and makes moving on more difficult.

Enlist the help of your Boo-Hoo Crew

No matter how many breakups we go through in our life, we never get through them without our friends. Divorce is no exception. It's important to have a support system in place for those times when you're sad, depressed, or just have the urge to contact your ex. If you don't feel comfortable, enlisting the help of friends he made during your marriage, call on old friends or join a divorce support group. And don't worry — as you ease into Movin’ On Mode, your Boo-Hoo Crew becomes your Woo-Hoo Crew!

Give your bedroom a makeover