Every woman who has gone through a divorce knows it can be lonelier in the wrong relationship than it would to be single.

Being without a man is really not the survival test it is made out to be. Instead, when single, you can are in control and can enjoy the luxury of managing your own world. The whole universe your oyster!

As a single woman you have so many distinct, delicious possibilities to explore — far more than someone who's married. Seize the day. For now, your life gets to be all about you — you your attention can be directed at your desires rather than subject to the whim of a protesting partner.

You can focus on making sure that your working life works for you. You have the time to search for the right job, and then to concentrate on excelling in it. You have the sole say as to how you spend the disposable that is a product of your labor! There is no other half complaining you should be spending money on new wall paint rather than a new nail polish.

You can get the body you want — no one is pressurizing you to keep up with their penchant for calorific takeouts. Take this opportunity to gain control over your habits. You can decide how to spend your free time without fear that it will conflict with anyone else's agenda. At a moment's notice you can take a trip to the gym... or enjoy a quiet night in under the covers with an eye mask and large tub of Ben & Jerry's!

You are in the driving seat of your destiny — and the type of vehicle you motor around in. Who said that a pink mini-cooper was not a sensible car? Home is your domain — if you want, you can take pride in it and perfectly feng shui your pad without fear of a smelly soccer equipment voiding its vibe. And its location is YOUR choice. You can go for a shoebox with a fabulous location if you want — there's no one complaining about the lack of outdoor space for BBQ'ing.

Not long ago I wrote a blog post on my blog at Divorce Support.About.com. In it, I discussed ways to keep the family court system from gaining too much control over what happens in your divorce. I had a comment left that I found very enlightening and an apt description of how adversarial divorce has become. I'm going to use the comment here in hopes of making a point.

"Does divorce ever end? The answer, predictably, is "Yes," but not until you've reached the end of your patience, logic, optimism and reasonableness. Because, you see, that's exactly the point: The divorce wars have little to do with Mediation or Courts or even which spouse is the more childish of the two. It's about power and who can manage to stand on the log longer before toppling off, into the rushing water below.

If you really want to make it to the shore of singledom without finding yourself tossed into shark-infested waters, learn the art of endurance. Exercise until the sweat gushes from pores and glands you didn't know you had; take a Yoga class and learn discipline of the mind, spirit and body.

Build up your strength from within and get ready to stick to what you want like a barnacle to a shipwreck. After you've proven your tenacity, it won't matter whether it's a mediator or a lawyer assisting you on this voyage: You'll have set your course and now all you'll need to do is steer towards your goal."

I won't argue with anything in the above statement. If you have been through an adversarial divorce, you know from experience that it does boil down to who is the weakest, who has the most stamina, and who can hire the most expensive attorney.

Our reaction to stressful events such as divorce can become so habitual that they occur without our awareness. We become so accustomed to reacting to stress in a certain way that it is second nature to us. We aren't aware that we are reacting in a way that is harmful to us until we are plagued with physical or emotional problems that we can no longer ignore.

The way we react to stress depends on the way we think about a stressful event when it happens. Have you ever known anyone who seems to sail straight through the problems in their lives? There are people in the world who can deal smoothly with issues that might cripple others emotionally. I'm sure you've met such people and have even been envious of their ability to "take it on the chin."

The one thing that enables these people to deal so well with a stressful event is the way they think about the event or issue. They aren't in the habit of jumping to the worst conclusion. They are not habitual, negative thinkers who are prisoners of their own "I can't handle this" attitude.

It wasn't until I went through my divorce that I became aware of just how much damage being addicted to negative thinking can do. I literally became physically and emotionally exhausted from worry -- exhaustion that occurred because I had no idea how to be mindful of what I was thinking and how my negative thinking was affecting me physically and emotionally.

Most people use the term "mindfulness" to express the need to stay tuned into what is going on in your life. I use the term to express the importance of staying tuned to what is going on in your head. Be mindful of those thoughts rattling around in your brain because it is those thoughts that will determine how well you navigate stressful events and issues as they come up.

I get a lot of reader mail at FocusOnStyle.com — I think that I was born giving advice, but it’s well over a decade that I’ve been problem-solving professionally, and add another one to being in the fashion biz. So when it comes to pining away on dress dilemmas, I probably have heard (almost) everything, and seen plenty, including some bouts of male fraud.

But what about you, the dress distressed divorced diva? It’s been some time since you last went on a first date or that you even attempted to see what’s out there in Guyville. Can it still be that nerve-wrecking to decide about what to wear on a date? You betcha. But it doesn’t have to.

Going on a date can be scary enough when you’re a little rusty. Add the pressure of being judged by your outfit, and most of us can stymie ourselves into a night of indecision, droopy sweats, some takeout Chinese, and a very close relationship with the remote control. Stop. Get out of the house and learn to look like the smart vamp that you are!

If spending time with a new man still gives you reason for acid reflux, start practicing. Understand the value of male friends — gay, straight, young, or old — to take the edge off thinking every date is a potential Mr. Maybe and to help you to be more at ease with male company. Then get yourself some good lingerie — everything from lacy and risqué to body shapers that give you a boost. Toss out all the undies that once shared a home with Ex-Man and start fresh, from the inside out

Most newly divorced divas fall into four types when it comes to perfecting a date-friendly wardrobe:

1) Close to You — You never lost your sense of style, but divorce certainly chipped away at your self-confidence. You need to know that you do have that extra sizzle to make heads turn by taking your style up a notch.

Safety continues to be the #1 issue facing today's woman travelers. There are many actions during the travel process (such as getting into a cab), where a woman is vulnerable but she takes with blind trust because that is the only way for her to get from point A to point B or conduct her business. By arming yourself with some tips, tricks and tools you'll be prepared to feel more confident and safe and handle the unexpected turbulence that might come your way.

Some key security tips that every traveler should use:

Check-in Checklist.

In a hotel, don't let the desk clerk announce your room in a voice that can be heard by anyone but you. If you are signing a hotel charge to your room, do not leave the signed receipt on the table; give it directly back to the server. Keep yourself safe and keep unwanted visitors out - check to be sure there's no one else in your room every time you enter, check the phone to make sure it works, and use door bolts and chains. Fire safety: don't trust the map on the back of the door; do a dry run - drop your bags and find the closest exits, then relax. When you go out, leave a note in your room detailing where you went, what time you left and what you were wearing.

Identity Insurance.

Do not allow your name, credit card number, home address or phone to be discussed or printed on any visible document, including luggage tags.

Put Your Best Foot Forward.

Do you like to run as part of your work out routine while on the road? You don't have to run alone - contact a health club or running store and inquire about running clubs; and join one of them for your daily run.

What's in your Wallet.

Minimize the number of credit cards you carry. Good rule: one for business and one for personal. If you are traveling internationally, alert your bank that you will be out of the country and to expect uncommon charges.

Like the old song says, breaking up is hard to do. Getting a divorce is even harder because you can't always cut your ex out of your life. Relationship author/expert Lisa Steadman offers the following five tips for healing and moving on after divorce.

Create new boundaries with your ex

Healing and moving on after a breakup is easier when you can cut your ex out of your life completely. However, when you go through divorce, you can't always do that. Maybe you have kids together, property together, a business together, etc. If this is the case, the first thing to do when going through a divorce is create new boundaries with your ex. Only discuss matters that relate to both of you, i.e. the children, business, property. Don't try to nurture each other through the divorce or talk about your new social life. That just muddies the water and makes moving on more difficult.

Enlist the help of your Boo-Hoo Crew

No matter how many breakups we go through in our life, we never get through them without our friends. Divorce is no exception. It's important to have a support system in place for those times when you're sad, depressed, or just have the urge to contact your ex. If you don't feel comfortable, enlisting the help of friends he made during your marriage, call on old friends or join a divorce support group. And don't worry — as you ease into Movin’ On Mode, your Boo-Hoo Crew becomes your Woo-Hoo Crew!

Give your bedroom a makeover

One of my favorite clients recently said to me, "You have to have fabulous hair in your forties". She certainly does, and it looks great. I have nice hair too when I color it, trim it regularly, and blow-dry it professionally. The whole process takes an entire Saturday morning and, in Los Angeles, costs about $200 plus tip. I have so much gray that I was running to the salon every 3 to 4 weeks, and the costs were mounting. Of course there are also the manicures, pedicures, occasional facials, and much needed botox treatments.

Well, I had to find a breakthrough, and I did...at my local beauty school. I have to admit, my mom always went to the local beauty school in Long island when we were growing up. I actually think the schools have gotten even better. I introduced myself to the head of the school. She is an experienced hairdresser with beautiful hair and great color. I asked for an advanced student and for her oversight with mixing the color. Once we found the right mix for me, she wrote it down for future visits and she promised to oversee my future visits. The cuts have been a little more inconsistent, but the blow dry always looks great. Then again, many of my $200 haircuts were inconsistent too. A great blow-dry can make most hair look fabulous. The whole treatment: $20...and that is in Los Angeles.

First, a quick word on the meaning of "Spirituality" so that no one confuses this with some type of religious statement. Religion can be a wonderful thing for some people, but just by naming it, it puts you into a specific category, which automatically puts other people outside of that category, if they happen not to share your religious beliefs.

Spirituality is simply the willingness to be open to the concept that there are forces at work in this world that are beyond our comprehension. Some people refer to those forces as Nature, The Universe, or G-d. It doesn't matter what you call it, as long as you know it isn't you, because it's when you think that you are running your own life, and that it's up to you to make everything work out perfectly, you are setting yourself up for stress-related illness and Depression.

As it pertains to divorce, which is one of the most stressful things a person can experience, there are certain Spiritual principles that are important to grasp:

1. People are put in your path for a reason. You never meet anyone by accident.

2. You never made a mistake in your life. It was all a learning experience, even if the lesson was just that you could learn what you do NOT want in your life.

3. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. Some people are only meant to be in your life for a certain amount of time, until you both learn what you need to learn.

Divorce is always painful. Even if you are the leaving party, the last months or years of an unraveling relationship take their toll on self-esteem and the ability to give and accept love and sex. If someone left you unexpectedly, the toll on your self-image can be more devastating.

The natural reaction is to hide and tend to one's wounds for awhile — and in many cases, that is a realistic and appropriate thing to do.

But there comes a time to stop all that and reclaim one's womanliness, one's sexuality and one's bliss and fun in life. My Rx is to go out and date, flirt, and see where it all leads — hopefully, eventually, to bed. I do think the best cure for a wounded heart is to re-engage in the world — and, if not find a new love, at least a new lover. There is much to be said about the healing properties of an orgasm.

A lover is just not that hard to find these days. Even if you are over fifty, even if you have thighs and a tummy, there is someone worthy out there who will adore you. I am living proof of that statement. After my divorce from a 23-year marriage, I had to get back out there and put my body and ego on the line. While I had the advantage of being a sex/relationship researcher (and the relationship expert for Perfectmatch.com), it still isn't easy to start dating and mating again.

However, it was and is worthwhile. Sex was no less passionate than it had been in my twenties.

My ego was actually more resilient. And good men and lovers — and love — were available too.

Online dating is a boon to older people and, while you may have to take an anthropological lens on some of your outings to find a way to enjoy some of your dates, eventually you will find someone special.

Here is some good news...orgasms relieve stress! If you are feeling stressed-out and overwhelmed, a good roll in the hay might be just what you need. Then again, if you're divorced, raising children, working full time and up to your knees in laundry, an orgasm may be the last thing on your mind.

If you're too stressed-out to focus on sex and the only sex organ you've come into contact with for months is your own, I've got some tips for you—tips that will at least get you thinking about sex and hopefully jump-start that libido you've put on the backburner. Try a couple of these tips and I promise your motor will be humming again in no time. All you will need is a partner and, as we all know, those are easy to come by.

Think about sex. Think about it for more than a few seconds. Dive feet-first into delicious sexual fantasy. The great thing about fantasy is you can have sex with anyone you want and do anything you desire. So, pick someone who floats your boat, let him into your brain, and let the good times roll.

Practice Kegel exercises. You know what Kegels are -- they're the squeezing exercises your doctor told you to do after pregnancy. What your doctor probably didn't tell you is that they're also great for strengthening the pubococcygeus muscle, essential for orgasm. To do Kegels, take note of the muscle you use to stop urinary flow, then practice contracting that muscle, then gradually releasing it. Work up to 20 contractions three times a day.