As men set their sights on women’s earnings, their entrepreneurial spirits, and sometimes, their celebrity value, women are increasingly finding the picture of so-called equality looking very strange. How is it that women increasingly are paying alimony?

Almost one in three married women makes more money than their spouses do. This economic statistic is certainly a factor why women increasingly are paying alimony.
However, in our society, women seem surprised to have to pay alimony even if they earn more.

This is because it is a fairly recent phenomenon in our legal courts. Secondly, for many women who are breadwinners (in a failed marriage), it’s not as if they ever expected to out earn their husbands, or do all of the heavy lifting in the family, or end up giving him spending money as you would do with a child. Women often feel cheated by the legal system because it is possible that they have to reward a sit at home bum.

The wife’s sense of being the victim is intensified when children are involved. Women share disproportionately the burden of money making, household chores, and child rearing. This is usually compounded by the lack of gratitude, appreciation, and emotional support a breadwinner is typically afforded by the household.

I have assisted many divorcing women who face the prospect of paying alimony. Our financial strategy is predicated upon her entire contribution to the family, including her spouse. Most importantly, they realize they are not an anomaly. They are freed of social stigma and part of a trend that is growing in ranks.

After a difficult divorce, Becky Rohrer was jobless with a baby to support. Instead of re-entering the 9-to-5 world, she put all her savings into an abandoned house in Westerville, Ohio and transformed it into The College Inn Bed & Breakfast.

Becky's decision to invest in herself and start a small business opened up a whole new world for her. She boosted her self-esteem and created a flexible lifestyle that allowed her to spend precious time with her son as he was growing up.

The leap from employee to entrepreneur is challenging. Our exclusive firstwivesworld series will help you discover whether you have what it takes. As Becky Rohrer discovered, the rewards can be enormous. Being your own boss can offer you the freedom to do work you really love. It can also be the path to financial independence. While launching a venture is very time intensive and demanding, successful business owners often earn more than they would working for someone else.

If starting a small business sounds appealing, you will need a road map. Based on frontline advice from the entrepreneurs interviewed in my new book, Birthing the Elephant, here is what you should do:

Pursue your passion: Desire is a powerful motivator: It will help fuel your emotional stamina and give you the staying power to overcome the barriers you'll hit along the way. Identify a hobby or area of interest that truly excites you. Dig deep for an idea with strong business potential that you're prepared to mobilize all your resources to drive forward.

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A job search can be intimidating for even the most confident person. It's all the more daunting after an emotional set back like divorce.

Perhaps you want to start a whole new life direction for yourself. Or maybe you're re-entering the job market after a long absence.

Are your skills current? How you will handle an interview? How you will measure up against other job-seekers? Here's how to brush yourself off and make your job search pay off:

Fill in the blanks. Is there a gap in your resume staring you in the face? Find a way to fill it. Even if you weren't working outside the home, you still developed and maintained many skills that translate to the workplace. Present them in a way that shows off your strengths and demonstrates that you're qualified to handle ANYTHING that comes your way. Chances you did something that called for business skills. Did you:

• •Organize the Scout cookie drive, food bank collection, wreath sales?
• •Work as a teacher's aid, or in the office of your local school?
• •Volunteer to support of a political candidate or environmental cause?
• •Write, edit or publish your school/church newsletter?

These types of experience are just as important as those used in a paying job, so list them. If you haven't done any volunteer work, address the gap in your cover letter. Add a few sentences to say after being out of the workforce for several years to raise a family (certainly no small feat in itself!) you are ready and eager to return.

Get current. It may be time to hit the books. If you're looking for office work but your computer experience begins and ends with Solitaire, get busy and take some classes. Here's how you can get started:

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If you are a divorced single Mother one of the biggest challenges you will face is the issue of childcare. Whether you are a working mother with multiple young children or a stay at home mom who needs a hand, you are probably asking the question "How can I go about finding quality childcare"?

There are several options, however the two most common methods would be using a placement Agency, or using an online resource.

Using a placement Agency has many advantages, for instance, if money is not an issue one should do the research and consider a good reputable Agency. An Agency simply does all the work involved in vigorously screening candidates before they are presented to a prospective employer, providing clients with support, trial and guarantee periods. In addition, the Agency runs all the necessary background checks involved. Agency Fee's are usually based on a percentage of the employee's annual salary which is usually several thousand dollars. This can be a tremendous disadvantage for a divorced Mother on a fixed budget!

Using an online service offers advantages too at a fraction of the cost. Of course, you must do all the screening, interviewing, emailing, phone calling and background checks yourself. However, the nice thing is that this can all be done in the convenience of your home or office at anytime, during or after business hours. You have the control as opposed to having to go through or reach an Agency representative.

As a nanny expert in the field I suggest that you evaluate your situation (i.e., finances, and time frame) If you have the luxury of using both methods you should do so. Remember, these are your children!
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Divorce is a time when many physical, emotional and spiritual changes occur. You can use these changes to help guide you into a new phase of your life.

As a life coach, I believe these changes can have a positive momentum to lead you to a better place. GoGirlCoach is a place to put on your red shoes, get soulful and stay spirited. You can identify your passions, clarify your dreams and go after them in “haute” pursuit!

Exercise your option for beautiful changes. GoGirlCoach is designed to facilitate your own co-creation of life experience. It's not about advice, therapy or direction. It's about living your questions, finding your voice and trusting the presence of grace in the process.

Are you ready to …

• fuel your ideas?

• get unstuck, or minimize stress?

• write a book?

• meet the love of your life?

• find a more fulfilling job?

Do you want to …

• transcend limitations?

• do away with mundane habits?

• dig deeper to access your latent spiritual wisdom?

Are you wondering what’s possible?

Through a process of artful inquiry and focused reflection…

• GoGirlCoach can help you define what you really, really want.

• identify what may be holding you back.

• plot a path forward that’s consistent with your personal style.

You can do this at any age:

•In your 30s, begin to assess your goals and strategies in order to live your dreams.

•In your 40s, gather inner resources and move with awareness through perimenopause.

•In your 50s, get gutsy and begin to release energy for a burst of productivity.

•In your 60s —the cocktail hour of life — dress up and throw a party, travel beyond borders, participate in a mission, write your life story.

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Five years ago, one of my best friends got divorced. Her husband met another woman and left her and their two small boys. Heartbroken and alone, she and her kids moved in with my family while she tried to get her bearings. Oh, did I mention the jerk who left her was my brother?

Until then, I had never seen divorce up close and personal. Most of the people I knew were in seemingly healthy marriages. When my sister-in-law moved in, I honestly imagined that home-cooked meals, some pretty new clothes, a bedroom makeover in feminine florals and oodles of babysitting would get her right back up on her feet. After all, “she’d be better off without him after what he did to her.” She was smart, young and pretty. Why was she moping around? “Shake it off.” I thought. “Get over it and move on.”

But for months, she couldn’t eat, sleep or digest what was happening to her. Not only had she lost her husband, she had lost her home, her role as a stay-at-home mom and her confidence.

As the months passed, I grew impatient with her. I wanted her to face life with more courage. When she took a job with a local school district and moved into a new condo with my nephews, I thought, “Wow, it’s been almost a year. I hope she snaps out of this soon.” But now that I’m divorced, I finally understand how wrong I’d been all along.

Here are some of the stupid things I said, and things that people have said to me that serve no purpose to the newly broken-hearted:

1. “Get over it and move on!” I shamefully admit that I said this to people who were in the “first trimester” of the divorce process. As I’ve since learned, it takes time to adjust to divorce. “Getting over it” is a lot easier said than done. Divorce is not the common cold, the symptoms don’t clear up in a week or two.

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My pastor said something recently that really impressed me. He said tell me who your friends are, how you spend your time and what you read and I will tell you who you are.

Time can be used to enrich and enhance your life or to tear down and destroy your life. Did you ever notice how you feel after having a long conversation with a friend who is constantly stuck in problems. She might go from one bad relationship to another. Or have health problems or marriage problems. It's draining. You get off the phone and if you're honest with yourself, you regret the time you spent going round and round on the same problems.

Last week I really hit bottom with this issue. On Friday nights my children are with their dad so I have the whole night to myself and how I spend that time can really offer a new source of energy, passion and abundance to my life, or drain me and deplete my life.

I chose to see a movie that many friends were raving about and I set aside the night to see it. I didn't t take the time to read the storyline or any of the reviews and trusted my friends' recommendations. Well, you know what happened? It was awful, at least in my opinion. Spending almost three hours with this hideous character was a big, fat waste of time. I left that movie with my friends and said I'd never spend three hours doing something again that I didn't have an advance description about.

Spending your time productively is important because time is money. Time is our most scarce commodity and must be used wisely. My most productive friends get up between 5:00 a.m. and 5:30 a.m. They read, meditate, pray or journal. Then their day is highly scheduled and planned. It can include a three hour lunch with friends but it's planned and time is blocked.

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When a woman comes out of something like divorce, her entire world changes. That is why it is imperative to have a supportive community to help you along the way. This advice is especially true for recently divorced entrepreneurs.

Can you imagine trying to rebuild your life as you build your business? Well, what a better time to reach out to those within your circle! Here is how you can do just that:

1) Create a list of the people within your inner business circle (sometimes different from your personal circle). Then make a list of friends and colleagues who are not on that inner circle list, but you still feel comfortable reaching out to.

2) Make a list of your wants and needs. This list could have anything from babysitting to new clients. It doesn't matter if the list includes a haircut, office supplies, networking opportunities or a car. Find out what it is that you now need to continue your journey to success.

3) Reach out and connect: If people know what you are going through, they are more willing to be sympathetic to your plight. So, let them know! There is NO shame in getting divorced and having to start again. Send out e-mails and make phone calls letting everyone on your lists know what's going on and what you need. If they're unable to help you, then ask them to refer you to anyone who may be able to help. We each come with our own built-in community. So, take that knowledge and use it to your advantage. Have your community reach out to theirs!

Once you have reached out, remember to thank those who have helped you, as well as, give back. Successful communities (professional or personal) thrive on sharing with one another. Once you are back on track, make it a point to help as many of your personal community as possible. This constant state of giving will strengthen your relationships, as well as create a pattern of win/wins!

Truth be told, I hope most of you don't feel like scorned women. But rather dignified women whose marriages didn't work out. You're extraordinarily capable women who can rebuild your lives.

When I got divorced with very little in the bank and a small income, I set my sights on rebuilding and was very careful not to get too far ahead of myself. I didn't let myself think too much about the future, but focused on one day at a time and doing the best I could that day. I heard once that a string of good days constitutes a great life. Once in a while, my mind would drift into worry and I literally would have to slap myself out of it. The worry would only perpetuate more worry and then it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I never thought about the many hopeless and suffering single moms. Instead, I focused on the women I read about who went back to school while raising four children. Those women who took jobs and then slowly became very successful.

My advice to all of you who are trying to rebuild your lives is first, find something you enjoy doing. Ideally, it's something you can begin now and over time, build success and good earning potential. Sales is often a great place for women. If you love it, start small and just get into the business. Make sure you truly enjoy the work and the schedule and environment sync up with your needs. Don't focus on what you're earning today but rather what the potential is as you succeed and grow in your success.

In my situation, I had a slow and steady climb with a setback during the crash of the technology market in 2000 and 2001. I was often discouraged during that time but kept showing up and working. I had to rebuild much of my business after that crash.

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If you're like everyone else trying to start a new business, you have no money. In fact, you probably have less than no money. You're probably in debt up to your tonsils. Still, there are birthday presents to be bought and lawns to be mowed and how do you keep up with these things when you feel like you don't have a nickel to your name?

Bartering is a great way to move your business forward when you don't have the experience to command cold cash. The basic idea is that you exchange your product or service for someone else's — no money changes hands.

When I'm not writing for First Wives World, I run a marketing company for very small businesses and my blog, ittybiz. In the last year or so, I've been getting a lot of my business through this method and it works wonderfully. In exchange for my services, I get free coffee at the local café for life. I'm six months into a year of free badly needed manicures and pedicures. I even organized the marketing for a tattoo parlor and transferred the gift certificates to my neighbor who has agreed to paint my apartment.

Here are a few things to know about the whole process:

1. You can barter either independently or through a bartering network. Independent bartering is simple — you clean my house and I watch your kids, for example. Network bartering is when a large group of businesses get together to streamline the process. In this case, you would clean my house, I watch the neighbor's kids, and he shovels your driveway. Everybody gets a service, but they're not limited to the offerings of one person.

2. In most states, services or products received through barter are treated as taxable income. Since laws vary from place to place, check with your accountant.

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