Budgets are like diets...difficult to maintain and backfire resulting in binging and rebellion. Admitting that I cannot spend like I use to or like the "Jones" immediately puts me in a place of defensiveness and determination to take a well deserved vacation or "invest" in a new summer wardrobe.

In the last 10 years we have identified in our country an obesity crisis spanning from our youngest citizens to most middle-age Americans. It was embarrassing to face, but the statistics and health problems stemming from this fact were too strong to ignore. Now we cannot look at an overweight person without having compassion and concern about their heart attack risks, diabetes and general propensity for other health problems. It is no longer simply a judgment on their appearance but a concern for the inevitable health issues that come from prolonged obesity.

The crisis emerging among Americans today is a spending and debt crisis. An over-indulgence in consumption of the material kind. So likewise, today when we have a friend or family member who is overspending or simply not preparing or saving for their old age, we worry for the long term consequences on their quality of life.

All of us know that, as we age, our metabolism slows down and watching what we eat is more important than ever. Likewise, as we age our earning capacity levels out and we have less years to save and plan for retirement. Consequently, like watching our food choices becomes more and more important as we age for health and weight reasons, a regimented savings, spending, and debt management plan becomes imperative for sound financial health.

Resign yourself to developing a sound savings, spending, and debt plan and, in my next article, I will give you the simple tools to begin your own personal one no matter where your financial situation is at this time.

The saying goes that the face of poverty is a woman. Make that a divorced or single mother with insufficient child support. On average women experience a dramatic drop in their standard of living after divorce while a man's standard of living improves significantly.

Why the disparity?

First of all, because there is no financial value assigned to the time we tend to our children, this value is not computed in divorce agreements. There is no accounting for the opportunity cost of lost salary and career growth for the hours spent taking care of a child. Also, child support guidelines, which are determined state by state, are not intended to cover all costs associated with raising a child and often fall far short. They take into account the cost of food, housing, clothing, and some healthcare expenses. But they do not cover a range of other expenses from after school activities like music lessons or sport lessons to vacations, or restaurant meals to school supplies. These expenses rise significantly as children get older.

The sad truth is that if a caregiver mother suffers financially, so does her child. And the human story behind this financial story is heart wrenching. One of my clients described how her child went from a comfortable standard of living to below the poverty line virtually overnight. The child was afraid to tell her that he'd outgrown his sneakers. Another said her daughter declined invitations to go to the movies with her friends because she didn't want to have to ask for movie money. In both cases, the father was making over $200,000 per year!

So how can you make ends meet if child support payments are insufficient?

From Maya Halpin: My husband and I contribute to household bills according to our income. In other words, since his income represents 75% of our total household income and mine represents 25%, he pays 75% of the bills and I pay 25%. Since we've never paid in 50-50 to our lifestyle, does that ruin my chances to get "traditional" alimony if we were to divorce? (We have no kids.)

Lili Vasileff writes:

Alimony is determined by several legal statutes:

In determining whether alimony shall be awarded, and the duration and amount of the award, the court shall hear the witnesses, if any, of each party, and shall consider the following factors:

1. The length of the marriage,

2. The causes for the dissolution of the marriage,

3. The age, health, station, occupation, amount and sources of income, vocational skills, employability, estate and needs of each of the parties,

4. The property division which the court might make, and

5. In the case of a parent to whom the custody of minor children has been awarded, the desirability of such parent's securing employment.

There is no absolute right to alimony. The court isn't required to give equal weight to each of the specified items it considers in determining an award.

Slowly, the courts have begun to see they don't need to award alimony permanently, like it always was in the past. Today, alimony can still be awarded permanently, but it also serves to "get people back on their feet" after a divorce — not just women, but men as well. Although alimony is usually reserved for longer marriages (i.e. more than 10 years), and/or when one spouse earns substantially more than the other, this is not always the case. Alimony is basically dependent upon the paying spouse's ability to pay and the receiving spouse's need for support.

The obvious fact is that most couples fail to budget for divorce like they would for a wedding or funeral. Their expectations about the cost of divorce are based on hearsay, interviews, and generalities. In fact, costs can be managed by clients to a large degree, but not totally so. So when someone says I want the least costly divorce possible — what do they mean and really want? Sometimes, the old adage "you get what you pay for" is not only true, but dangerous. Aiming to find the cheapest divorce possible should not be the prime motivating factor for anyone in a contested divorce.

The risks of cutting a deal on the "cheap" may have not only short-term risks, but long-term financial consequences that cannot ever be "undone". Property division is a one shot deal for the rest of your life.

The "what ifs" are the most painful and avoidable elements in divorce everyone should face head on. To be blunt, you should embrace the opportunity to pay for this knowledge to have peace of mind post-divorce. A divorce financial planner is the expert you want and need during divorce to make strategic recommendations in a cost-efficient manner in any legal setting.

DIY or Pro Se. The least expensive divorce is the do-it-yourself or pro se. This means both parties literally negotiate, settle, and arrange for their own divorce. As can be imagined, this works best for short-term marriages with no children, few complications, little assets, and at best, in uncontested situations.

Volumes have been written on how to handle your finances. We are going to try and cover it all, so fasten your seatbelts.

Set priorities

Sit down with a cup of tea and think about what it is that you want in life. Do you want to send your children to Harvard? Retire at 45? Travel the world? Open your own business? Write down all of the ideas that pop into your mind. Once you have these ideas down, prioritize them from the most important to the least important.

Track your spending

At the end of the month, do you find yourself wondering where all your money went? For a month, track every penny you spend (even the $1.00 you spend getting a drink from the soda machine) in a spending diary. At the end of the month, sort what you spent into topics like dining out, groceries, clothing, grooming, etc.

Create a budget

Review your spending diary and the amount of money you have coming in each month. Does your spending align with your priorities and values? Create a workable monthly budget that reflects your priorities and values. Your expenses should be less than your income.

Get out of debt

Many people find themselves surrounded by debt, whether it is school loans, credit cards, or home mortgages. Being debt-free is a liberating feeling. To get out of debt, start paying off your highest interest loans first.

Retirement

The best rule of thumb in preparing for retirement is to save 10-20% of your income. Start saving early so that your money can accumulate and grow for many, many years. There is a lot of flexibility in saving for retirement, including many different types of tax advantaged accounts.

Let’s face it — money can cause emotions to soar and plunge. Yet strategic financial decisions are best made in the absence of emotion. Thus, a woman going through divorce must learn how to separate her emotions from the financial issues facing her divorce.

I recommend building two separate support teams that a woman can access throughout her divorce: One to help her process her emotions, and the second to strategize financial decisions. The importance of having separate teams is that it requires you to stay focused and not drift into emotion or seek counsel from unqualified people on important financial matters. It is highly damaging to call a friend with no financial experience who feels sorry for you and starts telling you to take your soon-to-be ex to the cleaners. That kind of attitude can cause you to wrack up legal fees and cause dissension with your ex.

I recommend that, as emotions flare up, the woman call on her emotional support team (like a best friend, mom, therapist, pastor, or rabbi). Conversely, when she is called to make financial decisions, she turns to her CPA, a friend who is great with finances, or even a pastor. The key is to keep them separate.

Learning to identify your emotions is a real skill, and it is imperative to be able slow down when you are sad about the impending change in quality of life, scared about going back to work, or angry about the debt he accumulated or investments he lost. When you feel these feelings, STOP and write in your journal, meditate, or call on your emotional support team. Moreover, get some rest before resuming you strategic financial planning. It is extremely confusing and exhausting to try to make smart financial decisions with someone who is angry or sad due to lack of sleep. It is difficult to stay on topic, and your professionals will become impatient with you (and can even charge you additional fees for their time).

In general, state law determines child support guidelines. After the gross income of both parents is totaled, certain deductions are allowed from each parent's income, (such as local income taxes already paid and child support paid to other children). Keep in mind that any court-ordered spousal support is included in the gross income of the recipient spouse, and is deductible from the gross income of the payor spouse.

Once the adjusted gross income of each parent has been totaled, these figures are applied to a chart which outlines the approximate support required to raise a child based on stated income levels. The court then requires each parent to pay his/her pro rata share of that charted amount.

For example, if the mother is earning $90,000 and the father is earning $60,000, the combined total is $150,000. If the charted amount states that $10,000 of child support is required each year, the father would be required to pay $4,000 of the $10,000 because he provides 40% of combined spousal income. Furthermore, the mother would be required to pay $6,000 because she contributes 60% of combined spousal income.

Once these payments are determined, the amounts can be changed; however, you will need to go through a similar process, just as when child support was first established. The parent requesting the change must file papers with the Court and prove that there are significant changes, beyond his/her control, which necessitate a change in the current arrangement.

Child support payments continue until the youngest child graduates high school or reaches age 18. Unless otherwise ordered, payments to a child over the age of 18 will continue to age 19 as long as the child attends high school. Special consideration is made to disabled children and children born out of wedlock.