Life challenges such as divorce have a way of dimming our spirit. We can go from feeling like a 100-watt bulb to a flickering 60-watt bulb. Worse yet, if adversity is not properly dealt with, we can eventually burn out and find ourselves feeling powerless. That little light that was your spirit just won't shine anymore.

So, what you ask, is the proper way to deal with and view adversity. How do we keep our spirit from growing dim and losing power during difficult times? We all go through adversity; the trick is how to get through adversity without adversity getting the best of us.

Thriving and growing through times of adversity depends on how you view adversity, the attitude you have toward it, and how willing you are to actively work through it. Over time, as I assessed what I have learned and how I have grown through the years, I have come up with a few survival strategies that I feel help me through hard times. They are:

1. Having a Proper Attitude:

I've said before that I don't believe what happens to us is important. It is how we respond to what happens to us that is key to spiritual and physical survival. If you are the type to make a mountain out of a molehill then you are going to have to deal with a mountain instead of a molehill. In other words, our problems are as big as we allow them to become.

Next time you are struggling with a problem, try to bring it and what it means for your life into proper perspective. It may seem huge and insurmountable to you, but is it really? Is it going to mean physical injury, are you going to be burned at the stake, or lose everything you have? When we are consumed with our own problems, we may believe they are the worst in the universe. The truth is, they are not. They may be of supreme importance to us, but if you look around, you can always find someone with worse problems that yours.

2. Develop Patience:

It is an easy concept, but some have a hard time coming to terms with it. It is pretty basic — when we find ourselves in a bad place, the quickest way to change our situation is to look at our actions and what role our actions played in bringing about our problems.

Your life is your responsibility. You have no control over what happens to you or what someone else does to you, but you do have control over the way you respond. When faced with the end of a marriage, you have a choice. You can get bogged down in blame and bitterness, or you can take an honest inventory of your own shortcomings and mistakes during the marriage.

You can choose to be angry with a husband who leaves you for another woman, or you can look at what kind of wife you were. Let's face it, we are none perfect. You aren't responsible for your husband's choice to leave, but you may have played a role in his feeling he had no choice but to leave. It truly does take two to destroy a marriage. A happy husband doesn't leave for another woman. Before you get all red in the face and spew venom at me, let me qualify what I'm saying.

An unhappy husband is just as responsible for his actions and his happiness as his left-behind wife. If he was unhappy during the marriage, it was his responsibility to take inventory, identify the behaviors and beliefs that he had that kept him from being happy. Leaving for another woman doesn't show integrity, it shows cowardice and an unwillingness to take responsibility for his own happiness.

Both parties to the divorce played a role in the demise of the marriage. Both need to own and take responsibility for the role they played in the demise. You can both point fingers or you can take responsibility. Until you are willing to take responsibility for the mistakes you made and the role you played, you will take the same behaviors into your next relationship.

When you and your ex split, you never intended to divorce your friends. Now you're flying solo in every sense of the word — no party invitations; the phone barely rings. Where is everyone?

No doubt you have discovered one of the toughest aftershocks of divorce: Suddenly single brings a change in your social status. But don't despair. There is a silver lining to the feelings of alienation you may be experiencing. Loneliness, while unpleasant at times, is part of the healing process.

It makes space for self-discovery. Instead of bemoaning your aloneness, recognize that it is essential that you to learn to be your own best friend. After all, the key to rebuilding when a relationship ends is being comfortable in your own skin, according to Dr. Bruce Fisher, who has conducted divorce process seminars for more than 23 years. Take this time to look inward.

You're not the first, nor will you be the last person to feel abandoned socially. But before you blame the people you once called friends for deserting you, take a look inward. Your so-called social life may be partly your own doing. Do any of these examples describe you?

I have a date with must-see TV. Toni graciously passed up offers to join her married pals for dinner and drinks. Instead, she spent her evenings alone watching reruns of "Sex and the City." It filled hours of time and she took comfort in not having to be "on." Many divorced women don't realize that they are unwittingly sending the message "I want to be alone" when they decline invitations from well-meaning married friends, rather than be a third wheel.

"You will be happy again," my friends said when — at 40-something — I was alone. My then-husband announced one New Year's Day he wanted a divorce. I went into a tailspin. The future looked bleak.

Now the good news: I remarried within two years to a man with whom I am much more compatible. Though I went through terrible torment at the beginning, it was well worth it. Divorce at middle age spells opportunity. You may be older, but you're also wiser and more self aware than you were a decade or two ago.

You're a real grown up. And now is a great time to go for what you really want! Know why everyone says don't dwell on the past? You can't change it. But you can certainly control how you approach your future. Putting these tips into action today:

Be good to yourself. Make time for you — finally! This is the perfect opportunity to put yourself at the very top of your to-do list. Pamper yourself with a feel-good spa treatment after work. Put up your feet for an afternoon and read a trashy novel while the laundry piles up. Give in to your whims (at least the reasonable ones!) and treat yourself well.

Talk about your feelings. Find a good therapist. Within the first month of your separation, look for someone whose approach suits you. I suggest identifying one close to your age; you'll relate to each other a lot better. Personally, it took me three tries and two months before I found a psychologist who was right for me. So search until you are comfortable with the professional you choose. Don't worry about how you will know — believe me, you will know. You won't be instantly cured of that pain in your gut. Still, each time you go you should leave the office feeling a little stronger, and a little better about yourself and your future.

I have a forum at my About.com site. One of our regular posters is just beginning the divorce process. He and his wife are still living in the same home, so he is very new to the legal, emotional, and financial aspects of divorce. He is also of the opinion that all the marital problems are his wife's fault. In his mind, he had nothing to do with the demise of the marriage, and the blame is laid squarely at her feet.

Recently he posted and asked for opinions about online dating. It seems that this man (who still lives with his wife, is angry as hell over her shortcomings, and wrapped around the axle over what this divorce is going to cost him) is ready to date. No, not ready to date, but wants to date...God help the woman who becomes involved.

One young woman responded and told him that another woman could "lighten" things up a bit. She described herself as an "open and positive" person who didn't believe in waiting until the dust settles. No navel gazing for her, no sir — her and her problems are going to move on to the next relationship, and she will do it in an open and positive way.

I read responses from people with this attitude and I don't have to wonder why the divorce rate for second marriages is higher than for first marriages. How can you expect to succeed the second time around if you don't deal with issues that caused problems the first time around?

We Grandmas have a unique perspective — and a unique set of issues:

Finances: As the finances of the divorced family changes, we grandparents are often asked to step up to the plate and assist financially.

Custody: Grandparents are often an important part of a grandchild’s life, how does access shift after divorce? Do we have rights?

Care giving: Grandparents are often rearranging their lives as they take a more active part in their grandchildren’s lives, particularly after divorce.

Setting Aside Your Life: Grandparents are often postponing their retirement plans and moves so they can help raise their grandchildren.

Many grandparents share their stories with me and their anguish as their families face the trauma. Many divorcing people share their experiences with me. And my own experience as a divorced woman before the time of books, gurus, and blogs has given me some Grandma insights about:

—What our children need to hear from us.

—What our children should and should NOT say to their children

—How we answer our grandchildren’s questions.

—What in-laws can do?

—How we advise newly dating parents.

—How we offer financial help to our kids in a healthy way.

—How we help our children get through the hurt and start their new life

While we deal with these challenging issues and significant emotions all around, we must also be the flag-bearing leader of the family — salvaging love and respect in a family searching for answers, safety, and an end to all the hurt, while heralding the new “emerging” family which may very well bear little resemblance to the family that once was. Together — Grandparents included — we can make it through.

Before my divorce, I was not a very open person. In other words, I had very little interest in new experiences and I rarely thought “outside the box” that was my world. I liked tradition and predictability and didn’t like anyone messing with the life I had built for myself and my family.

Needless to say, I had a hard time accepting and healing from my divorce. The less open a person is to change and thinking “outside the box”, the more difficult they will find it to adjust when someone screws with the life they have designed for themselves. In this article I want to share with you things I’ve learned over the years that will help you become more open and accepting of change, whether that change is of your choosing or not.

Try Something New

You may feel as if something new has been forced upon you and the last thing you need is “something new.” You are wrong, though. Now is the time to become an explorer. Your life is in transition, like it or not, so you may as well take control of where you will end up by being open to all possibilities. Do something you’ve always wanted to do but never thought yourself capable. You are both capable of doing it and enjoying it.

Learn To Give And Take

Let go of your inflexibility. People who are not open to change are generally inflexible toward others and their differences. If your ex has turned into someone you no longer know, instead of doing battle with him on every issue, become more flexible…willing to give and take. Be open to suggestions, willing to consider and deal with something that would usually cause you discomfort. Being flexible will make others more likely to give in when an issue is really important to you.

Take Stock Of What You Are Missing

Dr. Seuss once said: "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." The beloved children's author never turned his wit and whimsy to the subjects of marriage or breakups. Yet these wise words can easily be applied to divorce.

Divorce hurts. But your pain doesn't have to destroy you. Make a conscious choice each day — and for awhile it may take near-constant reminders — not to be bitter about the end of the marriage. This is the second part of our exclusive First Wives World series, Get On With Your Life. Only you know when to put your grief behind you.

Believe it or not, every event in your life is balanced with pain and joy. There is another side to your divorce. You just need to put on a different set of lenses and find the gift. Ask yourself:

•What can I do now that I couldn't do before?

•What are the things I no longer have to do?

•What do I have that I didn't have before?

•What can I finally let go of?

•How can I be different now, in a positive way?

Once you recognize the benefits of your divorce, you are well on your way to moving on. What follows is a step-by-step recovery plan. Here's what you can do:

Don't be a victim. Recognize denial, anger, desperation, depression as natural and take control of your new life. He may have tried to poison your life, but make sure you don't add to it. The only person's behavior you can control is your own. You are not a victim of your emotions, your past, your husband, this divorce or your choices. You can control what you do in this present moment.