Here are my answers to questions posted by firstwivesworld.com bloggers:

From Megan Thomas: I cannot afford to pay the mortgage on my own, so if I leave my husband I'll have to get a tiny apartment. Can this be used against me when it comes time to deal with custody issues?

Megan: When deciding custody issues, Courts look to what is in the best interests of the children, not who earns the most money or who can provide better housing or monetary advantages. However, if you are the primary caregiver to your children, then maybe you should stay in the marital home and seek to have the Court order your husband to move out. While the divorce is pending you can make an application to the Court to have your husband continue to pay his share of the bills or mortgage until you have worked things out. You are also entitled to your share of the equity in the marital home, so maybe you can afford to buy him out and stay there with the children, or alternatively he might agree to defer the home sale until the children are older. You may be entitled to alimony and child support which would assist you in being able to pay the mortgage. My advice is not to rush into anything without considering all the options.

From Elaina Goodman: I'd never consider taking my kids' dad out of their (almost) daily lives. We share custody, and neither of us would have it any other way. Still, I wonder even if their time is split evenly with both parents, does it benefit them for one parent (me) to have full custody i.e. decision making power?

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Here are my answers to questions posted by firstwivesworld.com bloggers:

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Warning: If you are arguing over who gets the "Endless Love" CD or a hairbrush, you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse are spiraling out of control. Yes, your "stuff" may have great sentimental value. And yes, telling your soon to be ex-spouse that you want something that you know he or she will want—just to annoy them—may give you some sense of satisfaction at the time. But you have to stop and regroup.

It is very important that you take a practical approach when dividing up your marital "stuff" (or as we lawyers like to call it, "personal property"). It makes no sense to spend more money on attorney's fees or appraisal fees than your "stuff" is worth.

The most effective approach is for you and your soon to be ex-spouse to make a list of what you want to take with you after the divorce. Exchange your lists and negotiate the items you both want. In this day and age of technology, this is no reason to fight over photos anymore...just make copies. And when it comes down to the fishing pole, just give it to him. You can even flip a coin for the unresolved items, especially if these items do not have substantial value.

If you have personal property of great value and you cannot agree on the value and how to divide the items, you will have to get them appraised. You will incur appraisal fees and probably counsel fees in order to resolve the issue.

In most jurisdictions, if you brought personal property into the marriage, these personal items will be considered separate property and not subject to division. If you purchased items during your marriage, these items will be considered marital property, and are subject to division.
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Coming into money can be life-changing, regardless of the circumstances under which you receive it. Financial windfalls, such as divorce settlements, usually unleash as many dreams of what to buy as they do dollars to spend.

Whether that chunk of money is thousands or millions, wise planning can make those dollars work to improve your financial future.

Your Money Mentality: Take a moment to ask yourself a few questions. What does wealth mean to you? Are you a saver or a spender? Do you live below, at, or above your means? How do you feel about debt?

Receiving a settlement carries with it ample opportunities, the first of which is a chance to start fresh with an honest evaluation of your personal money personality. Experts say attitudes toward money don't necessarily change in accordance with bank balances. So, it's important to understand your motivators and potential pitfalls. You may not like the truth you uncover, but you can always improve if you know where to start.

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Over the more than 25 years that I've been practicing law, I've often been asked what a court will look at when determining a custody award.

While I can tell you that no two cases are alike, I can safely say that while state laws vary across the country, a court will generally consider the following:

1. The parents' ability to agree, communicate and cooperate in matters relating to the child.

2. The parents' willingness to accept custody and any history of unwillingness to allow visitation that is not based upon substantiated abuse.

3. The interactions and relationship of the child with its parents and siblings.

4. Any history of domestic violence.

5. The safety of the child and the safety of either parent from physical abuse by the other parent.

6. The preference of the child if the child is of sufficient age and capacity to reason so as to make an intelligent decision.

7. The needs of the child.

8. The stability of the home environment offered.

9. The quality and continuity of the child's education.

10. The fitness of the parents.

11. The geographical proximity of the parents' homes.

12. The extent and quality of the time spent with child prior to or subsequent to the separation.

13. The parents' employment responsibilities.

14. The age and number of children.

Whatever the criteria used, a court will also examine the criteria in light of "the best interests of the child". I also recommend the use of a mental health professional to appear as an expert and lend his or her professional opinion into the considerations.

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