Shed enough tears? Done second-guessing your actions, his actions and all the "what-ifs?"

Congratulations! Now it's time to start dating.

If you're middle-aged like me, a new man won't come into your life without some effort on your part. In other words, you've got to get out there. Stop thinking about it and worrying about it. Just do it! Here's how: 

Prepare yourself. Get out your notebook. Jot down some places you can meet men. Ball games? Lacrosse matches? Try out an activity that's slightly beyond your comfort zone (join a bowling league, the library's book discussion group, a local hiking club). You may meet people you wouldn't ordinarily meet in your normal routine, and you might develop a new hobby or passion. Of course, you should also seek out areas that interest you, such as the local gardening club, health club or wine enthusiasts group. You may not meet your next date at one of these events but your circle of friends and acquaintances will broaden and you never know which of these new friends has a brother, friend or uncle who would be the perfect date for you! 

In my last article, I wrote about things to consider before making the decision to divorce. This article deals with accepting and recognizing when it is time to "throw in the towel." Below are a few signs that you are dealing with a marriage that has gone past the point of saving...in my opinion.

Are you to the point that your spouse just can't do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin?

Shortly before my Aunt and Uncle divorced, I heard her say, "If he died tomorrow I'd have to peel an onion before I could shed a tear." Their marriage had gone on way too long. So long that she had developed feelings of animosity toward her husband. If you feel yourself moving in that direction, do yourself and him a favor and move on.

Are you tired of the trying, so tired you can't muster of the energy to even engage anymore?

Trying to solve marital problems can turn into a cycle of the wife trying to get her needs met and the husband stonewalling or dismissing her. A woman will normally try to re-engage her husband. Women are natural problem solvers who don't give up easily. She will eventually tire of trying to engage her husband in finding solutions to the marital problems. She will withdraw, stop expressing her needs; and once this happens, the marriage is headed for separation or divorce.

Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder?

Are you like Megan, one of First Wives World's Community Bloggers? Does the idea of sex with your husband cause you to feel trapped, like you want to cry, pack your bags and never come back? If so, it is time to act on your feelings.

Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment?

Like the old song says, breaking up is hard to do. Getting a divorce is even harder because you can't always cut your ex out of your life. Relationship author/expert Lisa Steadman offers the following five tips for healing and moving on after divorce.

Create new boundaries with your ex

Healing and moving on after a breakup is easier when you can cut your ex out of your life completely. However, when you go through divorce, you can't always do that. Maybe you have kids together, property together, a business together, etc. If this is the case, the first thing to do when going through a divorce is create new boundaries with your ex. Only discuss matters that relate to both of you, i.e. the children, business, property. Don't try to nurture each other through the divorce or talk about your new social life. That just muddies the water and makes moving on more difficult.

Enlist the help of your Boo-Hoo Crew

No matter how many breakups we go through in our life, we never get through them without our friends. Divorce is no exception. It's important to have a support system in place for those times when you're sad, depressed, or just have the urge to contact your ex. If you don't feel comfortable, enlisting the help of friends he made during your marriage, call on old friends or join a divorce support group. And don't worry — as you ease into Movin’ On Mode, your Boo-Hoo Crew becomes your Woo-Hoo Crew!

Give your bedroom a makeover

Divorce is always painful. Even if you are the leaving party, the last months or years of an unraveling relationship take their toll on self-esteem and the ability to give and accept love and sex. If someone left you unexpectedly, the toll on your self-image can be more devastating.

The natural reaction is to hide and tend to one's wounds for awhile — and in many cases, that is a realistic and appropriate thing to do.

But there comes a time to stop all that and reclaim one's womanliness, one's sexuality and one's bliss and fun in life. My Rx is to go out and date, flirt, and see where it all leads — hopefully, eventually, to bed. I do think the best cure for a wounded heart is to re-engage in the world — and, if not find a new love, at least a new lover. There is much to be said about the healing properties of an orgasm.

A lover is just not that hard to find these days. Even if you are over fifty, even if you have thighs and a tummy, there is someone worthy out there who will adore you. I am living proof of that statement. After my divorce from a 23-year marriage, I had to get back out there and put my body and ego on the line. While I had the advantage of being a sex/relationship researcher (and the relationship expert for Perfectmatch.com), it still isn't easy to start dating and mating again.

However, it was and is worthwhile. Sex was no less passionate than it had been in my twenties.

My ego was actually more resilient. And good men and lovers — and love — were available too.

Online dating is a boon to older people and, while you may have to take an anthropological lens on some of your outings to find a way to enjoy some of your dates, eventually you will find someone special.

Here is some good news...orgasms relieve stress! If you are feeling stressed-out and overwhelmed, a good roll in the hay might be just what you need. Then again, if you're divorced, raising children, working full time and up to your knees in laundry, an orgasm may be the last thing on your mind.

If you're too stressed-out to focus on sex and the only sex organ you've come into contact with for months is your own, I've got some tips for you—tips that will at least get you thinking about sex and hopefully jump-start that libido you've put on the backburner. Try a couple of these tips and I promise your motor will be humming again in no time. All you will need is a partner and, as we all know, those are easy to come by.

Think about sex. Think about it for more than a few seconds. Dive feet-first into delicious sexual fantasy. The great thing about fantasy is you can have sex with anyone you want and do anything you desire. So, pick someone who floats your boat, let him into your brain, and let the good times roll.

Practice Kegel exercises. You know what Kegels are -- they're the squeezing exercises your doctor told you to do after pregnancy. What your doctor probably didn't tell you is that they're also great for strengthening the pubococcygeus muscle, essential for orgasm. To do Kegels, take note of the muscle you use to stop urinary flow, then practice contracting that muscle, then gradually releasing it. Work up to 20 contractions three times a day.

I ran a little piece here not long ago called "In Defense Of The One-Night Stand," making the point that sex, love, and intimacy are three related but disparate states, and that you don't have to have all three in play in order to make a satisfying connection with someone.  Unless you do, of course. 

There are a lot of us who do need to have all three at once or risk feeling used, hollow, dirty, or just plain lonely. Especially in the dispiriting aftermath of divorce, I think one ignores that need at one's peril:  If you are feeling vulnerable, wounded, and betrayed, it is no time to go prove how tough you are by hooking up with strangers.

What if they're not strangers, though? The current phrase "friends with benefits" seems to have replaced the older, crasser, and yet less coldly transactional-sounding "f_ck buddies," but we all know what we're talking about, right? There's this guy, you like each other and there's mutual attraction, and you seem compatible enough in bed.  So, once a week, or a month, or a year if you're wired that way, you get together and have fun and part friends ‘til next time, or so it's supposed to go.  By either name, it's a functional enough arrangement when everybody has exactly the same degree of attachment (or, ideally, de-tachment).  But the tightrope walking!  The potential misunderstandings! The oh-so-delicate balance between "just" and "friends!" So few people can really finesse it and, failing that, it's often just another way to cause ourselves pain and disappointment—two things we don't need more of after a divorce, thank you.