In my last article, I wrote about things to consider before making the decision to divorce. This article deals with accepting and recognizing when it is time to "throw in the towel." Below are a few signs that you are dealing with a marriage that has gone past the point of saving...in my opinion.

Are you to the point that your spouse just can't do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin?

Shortly before my Aunt and Uncle divorced, I heard her say, "If he died tomorrow I'd have to peel an onion before I could shed a tear." Their marriage had gone on way too long. So long that she had developed feelings of animosity toward her husband. If you feel yourself moving in that direction, do yourself and him a favor and move on.

Are you tired of the trying, so tired you can't muster of the energy to even engage anymore?

Trying to solve marital problems can turn into a cycle of the wife trying to get her needs met and the husband stonewalling or dismissing her. A woman will normally try to re-engage her husband. Women are natural problem solvers who don't give up easily. She will eventually tire of trying to engage her husband in finding solutions to the marital problems. She will withdraw, stop expressing her needs; and once this happens, the marriage is headed for separation or divorce.

Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder?

Are you like Megan, one of First Wives World's Community Bloggers? Does the idea of sex with your husband cause you to feel trapped, like you want to cry, pack your bags and never come back? If so, it is time to act on your feelings.

Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment?

Are you thinking about divorce? The decision to divorce is critical, with consequences that can last a lifetime. It is a step that should be thoroughly thought out before taken.

Below are questions you should ask yourself before making the decision to divorce.

Is there still an emotional connection?

Have your feelings for your husband faded or are you frustrated over marital problems that seem insurmountable? If there are still feelings of love, you should work on the marriage before deciding to divorce. Don't allow feelings of frustration to cause you to make a choice you will later regret. If there is love left, seeking to solve problems with a marriage counselor could put the brakes on a divorce you didn't want in the first place.

Is your desire to divorce based on an emotional reaction or true self-awareness?

A true desire for divorce means letting go of any emotional attachments you have to your husband, the good ones and the bad ones. Making the decision to divorce at a time when you are overwhelmed with emotions won't solve problems. It will generate more problems and compound hurtful feelings and frustrations.

Being able to view your husband as an individual who deserves your respect during the transition of divorce is imperative. If you can't do this, the divorce process will be riddled with anger and conflict. Divorce is not an opportunity to point fingers and blame. It is the opportunity to move on and rebuild your life. The more negative your emotions toward your husband, the harder the process of rebuilding will be.

Is it a divorce you want, or a change in marital dynamics?

Life challenges such as divorce have a way of dimming our spirit. We can go from feeling like a 100-watt bulb to a flickering 60-watt bulb. Worse yet, if adversity is not properly dealt with, we can eventually burn out and find ourselves feeling powerless. That little light that was your spirit just won't shine anymore.

So, what you ask, is the proper way to deal with and view adversity. How do we keep our spirit from growing dim and losing power during difficult times? We all go through adversity; the trick is how to get through adversity without adversity getting the best of us.

Thriving and growing through times of adversity depends on how you view adversity, the attitude you have toward it, and how willing you are to actively work through it. Over time, as I assessed what I have learned and how I have grown through the years, I have come up with a few survival strategies that I feel help me through hard times. They are:

1. Having a Proper Attitude:

I've said before that I don't believe what happens to us is important. It is how we respond to what happens to us that is key to spiritual and physical survival. If you are the type to make a mountain out of a molehill then you are going to have to deal with a mountain instead of a molehill. In other words, our problems are as big as we allow them to become.

Next time you are struggling with a problem, try to bring it and what it means for your life into proper perspective. It may seem huge and insurmountable to you, but is it really? Is it going to mean physical injury, are you going to be burned at the stake, or lose everything you have? When we are consumed with our own problems, we may believe they are the worst in the universe. The truth is, they are not. They may be of supreme importance to us, but if you look around, you can always find someone with worse problems that yours.

2. Develop Patience:

It is an easy concept, but some have a hard time coming to terms with it. It is pretty basic — when we find ourselves in a bad place, the quickest way to change our situation is to look at our actions and what role our actions played in bringing about our problems.

Your life is your responsibility. You have no control over what happens to you or what someone else does to you, but you do have control over the way you respond. When faced with the end of a marriage, you have a choice. You can get bogged down in blame and bitterness, or you can take an honest inventory of your own shortcomings and mistakes during the marriage.

You can choose to be angry with a husband who leaves you for another woman, or you can look at what kind of wife you were. Let's face it, we are none perfect. You aren't responsible for your husband's choice to leave, but you may have played a role in his feeling he had no choice but to leave. It truly does take two to destroy a marriage. A happy husband doesn't leave for another woman. Before you get all red in the face and spew venom at me, let me qualify what I'm saying.

An unhappy husband is just as responsible for his actions and his happiness as his left-behind wife. If he was unhappy during the marriage, it was his responsibility to take inventory, identify the behaviors and beliefs that he had that kept him from being happy. Leaving for another woman doesn't show integrity, it shows cowardice and an unwillingness to take responsibility for his own happiness.

Both parties to the divorce played a role in the demise of the marriage. Both need to own and take responsibility for the role they played in the demise. You can both point fingers or you can take responsibility. Until you are willing to take responsibility for the mistakes you made and the role you played, you will take the same behaviors into your next relationship.

Nothing changed until I changed. My divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me — and not just because it freed me from a bad marriage. By leaving I became the woman I was meant to be.

Your beatings may be physical, verbal or emotional. Abuse rarely starts right away, but signals do. Perhaps, like me, you knew early on that something wasn't right with the relationship. Now you're considering divorce, but at times you waver. What's keeping you in a bad situation? How can you break free and move forward towards a better life?

You may be trapped by your own thoughts. Here's how I learned to combat the destructive thinking that keeps many of us from breaking free:

Stop Rationalizing. Are you in denial? Do you tell yourself he is only abusive when he drinks or when the dinner gets cold. Unfortunately, we often deny what is important to us, just to avoid change. I used to think my ex was making real progress whenever he stayed employed longer than two months. Or I'd take comfort in the fact that, even though he was violent, he came home instead of staying out all night!

Listen to Your Gut. We usually tune out our internal compass, because we are not trained to trust and honor it. Women are socialized to nurture, to respond to the needs of others — not our own. Take the time to be silent. Journal your thoughts each day or take long walks alone. Through mindful reflection you will slowly start to get in touch with your inner voice. You will learn to value what is important to you.

Like the old song says, breaking up is hard to do. Getting a divorce is even harder because you can't always cut your ex out of your life. Relationship author/expert Lisa Steadman offers the following five tips for healing and moving on after divorce.

Create new boundaries with your ex

Healing and moving on after a breakup is easier when you can cut your ex out of your life completely. However, when you go through divorce, you can't always do that. Maybe you have kids together, property together, a business together, etc. If this is the case, the first thing to do when going through a divorce is create new boundaries with your ex. Only discuss matters that relate to both of you, i.e. the children, business, property. Don't try to nurture each other through the divorce or talk about your new social life. That just muddies the water and makes moving on more difficult.

Enlist the help of your Boo-Hoo Crew

No matter how many breakups we go through in our life, we never get through them without our friends. Divorce is no exception. It's important to have a support system in place for those times when you're sad, depressed, or just have the urge to contact your ex. If you don't feel comfortable, enlisting the help of friends he made during your marriage, call on old friends or join a divorce support group. And don't worry — as you ease into Movin’ On Mode, your Boo-Hoo Crew becomes your Woo-Hoo Crew!

Give your bedroom a makeover

When you and your ex split, you never intended to divorce your friends. Now you're flying solo in every sense of the word — no party invitations; the phone barely rings. Where is everyone?

No doubt you have discovered one of the toughest aftershocks of divorce: Suddenly single brings a change in your social status. But don't despair. There is a silver lining to the feelings of alienation you may be experiencing. Loneliness, while unpleasant at times, is part of the healing process.

It makes space for self-discovery. Instead of bemoaning your aloneness, recognize that it is essential that you to learn to be your own best friend. After all, the key to rebuilding when a relationship ends is being comfortable in your own skin, according to Dr. Bruce Fisher, who has conducted divorce process seminars for more than 23 years. Take this time to look inward.

You're not the first, nor will you be the last person to feel abandoned socially. But before you blame the people you once called friends for deserting you, take a look inward. Your so-called social life may be partly your own doing. Do any of these examples describe you?

I have a date with must-see TV. Toni graciously passed up offers to join her married pals for dinner and drinks. Instead, she spent her evenings alone watching reruns of "Sex and the City." It filled hours of time and she took comfort in not having to be "on." Many divorced women don't realize that they are unwittingly sending the message "I want to be alone" when they decline invitations from well-meaning married friends, rather than be a third wheel.

"You will be happy again," my friends said when — at 40-something — I was alone. My then-husband announced one New Year's Day he wanted a divorce. I went into a tailspin. The future looked bleak.

Now the good news: I remarried within two years to a man with whom I am much more compatible. Though I went through terrible torment at the beginning, it was well worth it. Divorce at middle age spells opportunity. You may be older, but you're also wiser and more self aware than you were a decade or two ago.

You're a real grown up. And now is a great time to go for what you really want! Know why everyone says don't dwell on the past? You can't change it. But you can certainly control how you approach your future. Putting these tips into action today:

Be good to yourself. Make time for you — finally! This is the perfect opportunity to put yourself at the very top of your to-do list. Pamper yourself with a feel-good spa treatment after work. Put up your feet for an afternoon and read a trashy novel while the laundry piles up. Give in to your whims (at least the reasonable ones!) and treat yourself well.

Talk about your feelings. Find a good therapist. Within the first month of your separation, look for someone whose approach suits you. I suggest identifying one close to your age; you'll relate to each other a lot better. Personally, it took me three tries and two months before I found a psychologist who was right for me. So search until you are comfortable with the professional you choose. Don't worry about how you will know — believe me, you will know. You won't be instantly cured of that pain in your gut. Still, each time you go you should leave the office feeling a little stronger, and a little better about yourself and your future.