So what can you do about it? Maybe you're used to writing a "to do" list of tasks to turn things around. But have you ever thought about making a list of how to make things worse at the same time?

Yes, it sounds crazy. But this kind of journaling can be a fun attitude adjustment, giving you a healthy new perspective about the issues at hand. Plus, it increases your awareness level. Once you take pen to paper, you will gradually begin to see more clearly. You may be surprised to find that you've been stuck in a holding pattern of anxiety — worrying, but doing little else to solve your problems. Your "better and worse" list will reveal tangible proof that, instead of just feeling sorry for yourself, you can take actionable steps toward change. Here are a few examples:

Financial Worries

I can make my finances better by:

•setting a budget

•paying my bills on time

• making more money, acquiring a new skill, taking additional courses

I can make money woes worse by:

•sleeping until noon everyday

•spending the limit on all my credit cards

• going shopping everyday

Eating alone

I can make the situation better by: 

• inviting a friend to join me when I want to go out

• taking a cooking class for singles

• joining a dinner club

I can make matters worse by:

• eating in front of the TV

• going to the drive-up window and super sizing fries and sodas

When you and your ex split, you never intended to divorce your friends. Now you're flying solo in every sense of the word — no party invitations; the phone barely rings. Where is everyone?

No doubt you have discovered one of the toughest aftershocks of divorce: Suddenly single brings a change in your social status. But don't despair. There is a silver lining to the feelings of alienation you may be experiencing. Loneliness, while unpleasant at times, is part of the healing process.

It makes space for self-discovery. Instead of bemoaning your aloneness, recognize that it is essential that you to learn to be your own best friend. After all, the key to rebuilding when a relationship ends is being comfortable in your own skin, according to Dr. Bruce Fisher, who has conducted divorce process seminars for more than 23 years. Take this time to look inward.

You're not the first, nor will you be the last person to feel abandoned socially. But before you blame the people you once called friends for deserting you, take a look inward. Your so-called social life may be partly your own doing. Do any of these examples describe you?

I have a date with must-see TV. Toni graciously passed up offers to join her married pals for dinner and drinks. Instead, she spent her evenings alone watching reruns of "Sex and the City." It filled hours of time and she took comfort in not having to be "on." Many divorced women don't realize that they are unwittingly sending the message "I want to be alone" when they decline invitations from well-meaning married friends, rather than be a third wheel.

We Grandmas have a unique perspective — and a unique set of issues:

Finances: As the finances of the divorced family changes, we grandparents are often asked to step up to the plate and assist financially.

Custody: Grandparents are often an important part of a grandchild’s life, how does access shift after divorce? Do we have rights?

Care giving: Grandparents are often rearranging their lives as they take a more active part in their grandchildren’s lives, particularly after divorce.

Setting Aside Your Life: Grandparents are often postponing their retirement plans and moves so they can help raise their grandchildren.

Many grandparents share their stories with me and their anguish as their families face the trauma. Many divorcing people share their experiences with me. And my own experience as a divorced woman before the time of books, gurus, and blogs has given me some Grandma insights about:

—What our children need to hear from us.

—What our children should and should NOT say to their children

—How we answer our grandchildren’s questions.

—What in-laws can do?

—How we advise newly dating parents.

—How we offer financial help to our kids in a healthy way.

—How we help our children get through the hurt and start their new life

While we deal with these challenging issues and significant emotions all around, we must also be the flag-bearing leader of the family — salvaging love and respect in a family searching for answers, safety, and an end to all the hurt, while heralding the new “emerging” family which may very well bear little resemblance to the family that once was. Together — Grandparents included — we can make it through.

Dr. Seuss once said: "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." The beloved children's author never turned his wit and whimsy to the subjects of marriage or breakups. Yet these wise words can easily be applied to divorce.

Divorce hurts. But your pain doesn't have to destroy you. Make a conscious choice each day — and for awhile it may take near-constant reminders — not to be bitter about the end of the marriage. This is the second part of our exclusive First Wives World series, Get On With Your Life. Only you know when to put your grief behind you.

Believe it or not, every event in your life is balanced with pain and joy. There is another side to your divorce. You just need to put on a different set of lenses and find the gift. Ask yourself:

•What can I do now that I couldn't do before?

•What are the things I no longer have to do?

•What do I have that I didn't have before?

•What can I finally let go of?

•How can I be different now, in a positive way?

Once you recognize the benefits of your divorce, you are well on your way to moving on. What follows is a step-by-step recovery plan. Here's what you can do:

Don't be a victim. Recognize denial, anger, desperation, depression as natural and take control of your new life. He may have tried to poison your life, but make sure you don't add to it. The only person's behavior you can control is your own. You are not a victim of your emotions, your past, your husband, this divorce or your choices. You can control what you do in this present moment.

First, a quick word on the meaning of "Spirituality" so that no one confuses this with some type of religious statement. Religion can be a wonderful thing for some people, but just by naming it, it puts you into a specific category, which automatically puts other people outside of that category, if they happen not to share your religious beliefs.

Spirituality is simply the willingness to be open to the concept that there are forces at work in this world that are beyond our comprehension. Some people refer to those forces as Nature, The Universe, or G-d. It doesn't matter what you call it, as long as you know it isn't you, because it's when you think that you are running your own life, and that it's up to you to make everything work out perfectly, you are setting yourself up for stress-related illness and Depression.

As it pertains to divorce, which is one of the most stressful things a person can experience, there are certain Spiritual principles that are important to grasp:

1. People are put in your path for a reason. You never meet anyone by accident.

2. You never made a mistake in your life. It was all a learning experience, even if the lesson was just that you could learn what you do NOT want in your life.

3. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. Some people are only meant to be in your life for a certain amount of time, until you both learn what you need to learn.

Going through a divorce is hard, even if it’s something you wanted. Buying a new house or trying to maintain the one you have, solo, is scary. So many things can go wrong — but you already know that! And the last thing you want to do is call your ex for help.

Make finding a reliable, trusted, creative handyman a priority. Don’t wait for the first thing to go wrong. Having him “in your pocket” will give you great peace of mind. My handyman’s motto is “When things go wrong, call Don.” And I do. He’s on speed dial.

Word of mouth is the best way to find your new guy. Ask your realtor, neighbors, co-workers, senior citizens, single women and inept men who they use. Name drop when you call your prospects — tell them who referred you and you’ll probably get a faster response.

Interview a few handymen. Look for experience, creativity and integrity. Do you feel comfortable leaving this man your key? Start small, and trust your instincts. Ask him to hang some towel bars, replace a cracked tile and fix that leaky faucet. If that goes well, you may be on to something!

Keep an ongoing “honey do” list on the fridge, and add to it when you see things that need fixing. Just writing it down takes a load off your mind. After you’re settled, have your handyman go through the house with you and create a maintenance manual so that you learn to do routine things yourself.

In the meantime, relax with the knowledge that when a squirrel comes crashing through your window and is running around your house, you know who to call. And he’s on speed dial!

Last week, I talked about the friendships that need to be cultivated during the divorce process. This week, I'm going to talk about girlfriends who are important in their own way but may not be girlfriends who aren't able to offer the kind of support you need.

Please don't think I'm saying, throw your friends away if they are of no use to you at this particular time. Not at all! Keep all your girlfriends; just know that there are some you want to keep closer than others when going through a divorce.

Our girlfriends always have a place in our lives. They play a role and fill a need. What you need to do is be able to identify the girlfriend who will help you through and the girlfriend who will only add to the stress and confusion you are already feeling.

For example...

—You call a girlfriend and tell her the latest irrational thing your ex has done and her response is that he needs his ass kicked or even worse, she suggests someone who can kick his ass. She is a girlfriend but she is also an instigator. She hasn't learned the fine art of listening. She inadvertently fans the flames and escalates the conflict. That is her job in life and right now, you don't have an opening in your life for that position.

—You feel like talking so you call your girlfriend. The only problem is, every time you call she is in a hurry...she has an errand to run, has to get dinner on the table or needs to finish her manicure. You need to talk but she never seems to have the time. This girlfriend either can't be bothered with your problems or has such an aversion to conflict that your problems cause her anxiety. Whatever her problem is, she doesn't belong on the list of girlfriends you go to for support.