I always had very special relationships with both my parents growing up. My father is very athletic, so whenever he had free time I would find myself playing golf or playing paddle tennis with him. When my older sister went off to college and my dad wasn't around that often, my mother and I became a team, always doing something together. I would run errands with her and she would go shopping with me.

She always encouraged honesty from me; no matter what the issue was which promoted an open line of communication, boyfriends, smoking and other high school issues were never taboo. My mom always trusted me and, as a result, I always trusted her.

Some of the worst memories I have of my parent's divorce are of times when my parents overly confided in me. My freshman year of college, when I was still on the swim team, I received a phone call from my dad. At the time I was in Florida, gearing up for a day of strenuous swimming and exercise. My dad was hysterical and apologetic about everything that had happened between my parents, and I didn't have the heart to hang up. For the rest of the time I was on training trip, my performance hindered because of that phone call. Looking back, I shouldn't have let it get to me, but it made me realize how unfair it was to burden me at a point when my athletic performance demanded mental stability. Sometimes I look back and wonder if part of the reason I quit swimming was because I couldn't perform with the family stress and anxiety that surrounded me at the time.

I was originally asked to write an article on "Making Unified Family Rules". However, after a few pathetic stabs at that topic, I realized it just wasn't something I could write about. My Mom had sole custody of me from day one, so I didn't really live in "two households". If you are looking for information on that topic, you should check out Debbie Nigro's interview with Dr. Scott Halzman here.

Instead, I'm using this article to discuss something I know intimately: What Moms can do when their ex isn't being much of a Dad to their child(ren).

My Dad and I have a great relationship. We're not close, but we talk every couple of months to catch up and share a good laugh. On birthdays, we send each other novelty gifts -- the kind of things women find immature and men find hysterical. It may sound silly, but this relationship means something to me, because ten years ago, we hardly had a relationship at all. And, interestingly, if it weren't for my Mom, I don't know that we'd ever have a relationship.

For most of my life, my Dad wasn't really interested in being a Dad. When we still lived in the same state, he was pretty good about showing up for weekend visits. But, even as a child, I knew there was something perfunctory about it all. I could tell spending time with me was more an obligation than a desire.

When my Mom and I moved halfway across the country, I saw much less of my Dad, of course. But it's when I did see him that I was most disappointed. Dad would fly out for a week-long visit with me, but then have to fly home after four days. He'd concoct some story about work, but I knew it was an excuse. I was crushed. My Dad didn't like me.

I spent over 10 years going to my Dad's House every other weekend, being picked-up on Friday and dropped off on Sunday, and if there is one thing I would share it's this — Insist that your Ex pick-up and drop-off the children.

My parents didn't really get along while I was growing up. My Dad never paid his very meager child support and my Mom was always going after him for it. As a result, I think my Dad did everything in his power to avoid my Mom. And this is the thing about the drop-off — its one time, every week, where they had to see each other. Only they didn't. As soon as my Step-mother was in the picture, my Dad sent her in his place. Right now you're probably asking yourself, like my Mother asked herself, "Well, what am I supposed to do about the way he behaves?" You probably feel that your hands are tied, and maybe they are. So all I want to suggest is this: Try. If he's avoiding you, and the drop-off altogether, by sending a stepmother, girlfriend, relative — talk to him. My Dad wasn't a "Bad Guy". He was just taking the easy way out, and I guess what I'm suggesting is that you make that a little harder for him to do.

Most step moms don't expect warm and fuzz Hallmark greetings this holiday. But, you can have a loving relationship with your step children. It just takes time.

With about half of marriages ending in divorce and a strong remarriage rate, millions of women inherit children they are expected to love, honor and cherish the day they say, "I do." It's rarely easy. But it's worth the effort.

Here are some tips to help you bond with the brood you've been given:

Be patient with your stepchild and yourself. They key is to be realistic. Remember loving feelings do not spring up automatically on either side. As one step mom said to me, "I thought I would love my husband's ten-year-old son and I had a lot of guilt when I couldn't get past some of his bad behavior."

Be sensitive to the stress he or she is experiencing. Children of divorce have to deal with many changes during and after divorce. First they had to adjust to life with a single parent, now they have to adjust to remarriage and possibly a new family constellation made up of other children and a host of new relatives they didn't bargain for.

Learn to know the child as an individual. Spend quality time with your stepchild without your husband. During those times, allow the child to direct the activity — even if it's just spending a couple of hours watching cartoons.

Don't try to replace the parent or try to buy love. If you buddy up too quickly, kids are likely to get suspicious. Besides, kids can smell a phony a mile away.

Earn respect by being respectful of differences. Don't make judgments or compare your stepchildren to other kids — especially your own! Recognize that much went into shaping the child's personality. The more open you can be, the better.

It is a common misconception that, following divorce, teenagers become more self-sufficient and independent. The real truth is that teens often times appear that way, and their parents see this as license to back off and give them too much space, freedom, and not enough supervision and family time. The real danger is that teens can and will deal with divorce in potentially much more self destructive ways than younger children.

Has your teen...

— isolated herself?

— stopped talking to you altogether?

— developed a "whatever" attitude?

— started skipping school and/or grades are plummeting?

— begun hiding evidence of doing drugs or alcohol?

Or...

— does he keep saying "Get the &%$# off my back, Mom?"

— has he pushed or hit someone in the house?

— is he showing signs of stress like: angry outbursts, talking back and swearing?

— is he so angry and so out of control that you are scared of him?

And do you sometimes wonder to yourself that he will turn into an ax murderer?

If this sounds like your son or daughter, you'll want to keep on reading...

What may look like independence on the outside (spending more time alone, needing you less, pushing you away or exhibiting assertive behavior) is often repressed anger waiting to explode. While being exhausted and depleted yourself during and after divorce it may be easier for you to buy into the "myth" that your teen is handling divorce okay and that this somehow will make him or her stronger person.

However, your teen is crying out for your help, supervision, and limits, and needs you now more than ever. If you aren't already, here are a few tips to prevent your teen from going down the path of self-destruction while getting closer as a family and maintaining a healthy positive connection:

The basic and average family unit consists of one maternal unit, one paternal unit, and on average two child units. This is the way children (including myself) are taught. That is what they believe to be unequivocally true along with such things as 2+2=4 and their ABC's. What divorce is, in the most stripped-down and harshest of terms, is the destruction of the basic family unit and a core belief in your child. 

Depending on age and lifestyle-based circumstances, I guess you could say that your child will be affected in millions of different ways and possibilities than the kid next door or even me. That being said, I bet you're wondering, "What about my teenager? How will s/he deal with this?" It's floating somewhere in your mind, and frankly, it's a matter of great concern.

I was a few months into my sixteenth year of life when my parents decided to get a divorce. Granted, it was more of a one-sided decision, but that's a story for another day. Right now, let's just focus on your teenager. Firstly, we know that your teen is very in tune with their family unit, they've had at least thirteen years to get used to it, and probably have become attached to it by now. We also can safely assume that they observe, and mentally note the matter that their parents have been fighting an awful lot. Well, I'm going to share with you a secret about your teen. They're afraid of a lot of things, even if under torture they would never admit it! In the back of their heads, every time a huge argument breaks out in the house is this little thought bubble that asks "What if Mom and Dad got divorced?".

Consider all the hoopla around weddings. Your family and friends surround you and pronounce, through their words and deeds, that they stand by your side during this life-changing experience. The band or DJ plays your favorite tune as you and your husband sway together wrapped in each other's arms. It's a great moment in your life.

Yet when you choose to make an equally life-changing experience to end your marriage, there are no rented dance halls, elaborate floral arrangements or three-layered cakes. And, more importantly, there is often no support around you for the decision that you make. There are many reasons to decide to leave a marriage, just as there are many reasons to start one. The problem is, you don't have nearly so much explaining to do when you are putting the ring on as you do when you are permanently taking the ring off. Many couples I talk to say that they feel pressure from family and friends to stay together in the marriage for one prevailing reason: the children.

Admittedly, I'm one of those therapists who supports people staying in a marriage that's less than ideal, particularly if there are children involved. If there is domestic violence in the household, or any dangerousness, either from substance abuse or sexual infidelity, then leaving a marriage may be the only option left. But, the fact is, for many reasons, marriages end.

Most children haven't read the textbooks on human psychology, but they have an uncanny suspicion that an ideal world is one in which their mother and their father participate together in bringing them up. The problem for the children is that they cannot choose whether their parents stay together. That sobering reality leaves parents who decide to split with the possibility that their children, whom they have promised to protect against harm at all costs, may suffer.