There's nothing like a fresh start — knowing in your heart that you're ready to move past the divorce and date again. Before that little black dress comes out of the closet, ask yourself: Do I know how to make a better choice this time around?

"Things will be different," we tell ourselves. And things really can be different, of course. But only if you're different in the way you approach your next relationship. Whether you're in search of Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, unless you want to attract "Your Ex: The Sequel," consider these tips to help you choose wisely:

Pay attention to warning signs. Red flags wave for your attention, alerting you to a potential problem or a man's character defect. If you think back to the days of your courtship with your ex, in hindsight you can see the danger signs displayed during that time. What might not be so clear is why you dismissed the warning signals.

Did you deny the potential problems because you loved him and thought that was all that mattered? Did you think he'd change, especially if you got married or had a baby? Did you tell yourself your concerns weren't a big deal? Did you think he'd be different with you than he'd been with the women in his past? Did you jump into a serious relationship from early infatuation? Were you so needy, you latched onto him so you wouldn't feel lonely and empty?

Trust yourself and those close to you. By becoming clear about how you denied potential problems in the past, you can catch yourself before making a similar mistake with the men you date. Have faith in your intuition. Whether your intuition speaks to you in a still, small voice; a gut feeling; a hunch; or some other sensation you need to follow the messages you're given. If your intuition tells you something is wrong, it probably is.

I remember sitting in a doctors reception area before I was divorced and reading an article called the Secret Perk of Being Divorced. My marriage was hanging by a thread at the time and I was very sad about the idea of having a broken family. The author was recently divorced and wrote about the wonderful feeling of having a whole weekend to herself while the kids were with their dad. Ironically, she wrote he rarely made time for the kids when they were married, but was now spending every other weekend doing everything from making pancakes to baths at night.

Something clicked in me when I read that article, and I started to focus on the ways my life would improve if my marriage failed. One of the things I looked forward to the most was more quiet time to read and journal. I also looked forward to being able to talk on the phone with my friends, and have long conversations or simply silly conversations without him wanting me to get off the phone or have judgment about what we were talking about.

When we did ultimately divorce, one thing that I was able to do again was take long workouts on Saturday morning and have long lunches with friends. I have always needed a lot of time to spend with my girlfriends and to replenish my soul in nature working out. I look forward to that time every weekend, and could not imagine my life with out it.

I often get asked if I am dating, and while I love men and miss sex a lot, I am now even more particular about the people with whom I spend time. I love my children and am so fulfilled taking care of them. I love my freedom and ability to see friends and spend time alone. I have asked myself if something is wrong with me because I have not gotten into another serious relationship or marriage in the last few years. Truth is, I love the ability to come and go with the kids as I want. I am so happy. I am not weird, just protective of my time.

When I found out my parents were getting a divorce, I was relieved. For some reason, I knew this was a step in the right direction for both my parents; what I didn't know was the difficult half-decade battle would overshadow my life. Graduating only a few days ago, I am now back in my house, living in the bedroom I grew up in. It's hard enough to move back after you have tasted the freedom of college, but what makes it even worse is that I am now an adult, trapped in a house with a constant tone of anxiety looming from my parent's divorce. It's hard to make a new start in a home that constantly reminds you of the past.

Since my parent's divorce, I have had to make significant changes in my own life. I juggle relationships with both parents, while I often feel like a pawn in their divorce game. Instead of having the luxury of my parent's assisting me in my first apartment, they have squandered a copious amount of money on lawyer's fees. Everyday is a struggle. Your mom says, "ask your father", and your father says, "ask your mother". All the small things that get to you eventually snowball, creating anger and emotions you never thought you had in you. The hardest part is not letting it spill over into your life — snapping at friends, letting your grades drop, even gaining weight because you don't have the energy to exercise.

In all cases my world has been turned upside-down for a reason that didn't even involve me in the first place. It can be very difficult not to resent, or even hate, your parents for making you feel so abandoned. They forget that, just because you act like an adult and you pretend to be strong because you are sick of crying, you are still a child on the inside, looking for reassurance and comfort.

Dear Mom,

Why are you always yelling at me? Ever since you and Dad got divorced you have been acting really weird. "Do this, pick up that, put this away, do your
homework, get off the computer, set the table and brush your teeth!"

It really drives me crazy that you never just let me be. It's like you are taking out all your anger on me. You ask me why I don't listen to you. Well, everything you say sounds the same...plus you are on me all the time. I cannot finish a thought, a TV show, a computer game or even a conversation without you telling me to do something else!

You think that I have ADD because you think that I don't focus. Well, YOU don't let me focus. You are constantly interrupting everything I do. That
is the real reason why I can never finish anything. And to top it off, I feel like I can never do anything right. If you and Dad were still together none
of this would be happening. Why did our lives have to change?

Another thing, you are always working or on the phone. You never spend time with me. And that new guy you are seeing...well I won't even go into that! I know that I scream at you "I hate you!" I don't really "hate" you; I hate what has happened to us and how you are handling it. I don't mean to upset you or make you cry but I can't stand it!

Here's some ways you can make it better for me:

— Why don't you hand me a list of stuff to do and put a deadline on it? Let me manage my time and figure out when to get it done. Then if I don't follow through, you can yell at me all you want and I'll accept responsibility.

— Just stop nagging. It just makes me want to go to my room and get away from you. It also makes me say mean things to you like "whatever!", roll my eyes, and not do what you asked me to do.

— Set limits. I really do need a curfew. Even if it doesn't seem like it, I need someone to keep tabs on me.

During the growth and development of a child, lots of things change. Little girls will change from a passion for dresses to an obsession with belly-button rings. Boys will go from believing they will be professional baseball players to an interest in computer programming. One of the most enduring values, though, from early childhood into adulthood, is religious identification.

In most families, parents come from similar enough religious backgrounds that deciding on what religion to raise the children is a non-issue. But occasionally, parents disagree about the direction of religious education for their children. The issue becomes more complicated when, because of divorce or separation, parents have decided not to raise the child together.

The first principle in handling such situations is to remember that parents do not choose a religion for a child: they simply choose the type of religious education that child gets. Of course, giving a child a certain background will increase the chances that he or she will choose that religion to identify with. After all, if your little one never hears of the Bahá'í faith, then it's unlikely that he or she will steer in that direction. But, particularly in an open society with religious freedom, by the time a child enters adulthood, he or she is exposed to many different ideas and people from different faiths. And, as they say, "It's a free country."

But, because early religious identification does affect the ultimate spiritual path a person chooses, it's natural that this is a hot button issue with parents of different backgrounds. How to solve it?

First, respect your ex's point of view. Most people stay true to the religion they were when they married, so if you respected that point of view on your wedding day, you shouldn't dis it now.

The religious ping-pong — I can only speak on my experiences and give my opinion about what worked for me, so if it matches what you are going through, great! 

My father is Catholic and my mother is born-again Christian.  When my parents married my dad got baptized and became born-again.  We practiced born-again Christianity every Sunday like a good little family should.  When my parents divorced, my father actually didn't go to church for a while until he met his new wife, who was and is Catholic.  So surprise, surprise — my father switched back to Catholicism.

I never worried about which church to go to up until this point because I had been going to the same church my whole life.  One weekend my father took me to Catholic Church with him and I was so confused.  I didn't understand all the sit, kneel, stand, sign of the cross, sit, stand, kneel, sit, stand, and "also with you" stuff.  I gradually learned over time what to do and was fine. 

You might say to yourself, "Well they were both Christian; how different could the two churches be?"  Well, I went to the Church of Christ, which is the staunchest church you can go to.  They don't even have instrumental music because it wasn't ordained in the New Testament.  The Catholic Church has huge organs that bellow out sound from all corners of the building.  At the Church of Christ there are no statues representing Christ dying on the cross, Saints, or anything else because that is considered idolatry and they also believe that you must be baptized in water and be completely submerged in order to wash away your sins.  No sprinkling of water like in the Catholic Church.  They also don't believe in baptizing babies because babies have no sin (and trust me, with Catholics that starts a whole new conversation).

I was that child that didn't want to go to Daddy's. Nobody was cruel. I wasn't beaten, or denied food and shelter — I just didn't want to go. We didn't really do anything at my Dad's. We "hung out". Which is fine when you have your friends and your toys, your books, etc. But when you've got nothing but your sleeping bag (see earlier blog), it's kind of dull. But there was more to it than just boredom. I felt secure with my Mom, and I wanted to stay with her and the things I knew rather than go to my Dad's where there were new and unknown things. There was a new stepmother, and her whole family, and while they were all very nice (I even called my stepmother's mother Grandma Ellen) — it was all so different. And I didn't know my place. As a 5 year-old, I wasn't much of an adventurer, I guess.

And so, for these reasons, and some others I've left out — I didn't want to go to my Dad's. And maybe your child doesn't either. What do you do? I decided to ask my Mom what she did. She told me that when we were young, she just made us (though she did admit to a time or two when I made such a fuss that she threw in the towel and called up and told my Dad that we were sick). She said that she spoke to me about why I didn't want to go and tried to talk to my Dad and Stepmom, etc. but that what she realized was that I was right. That my Dad and Stepmom were different from her, and that the life we lived with them was different from the life that we lived with her. While we may not have liked it, and while she may not have liked it — different wasn't necessarily bad, and she couldn't prevent our father from seeing us. And it was probably for the best. I suppose it taught me about making the best of things, and about discovering that something you fear (like a new stepfamily) can turn into something you enjoy.

When eight-year-old Michael learned his parents were splitting, his first question was, "Where will I live and does that mean I won't get to see Daddy?"

Michael knew a number of kids whose parents were divorced and, already at his tender age, he was aware of the difficulties. One classmate coincidentally named Cloud floated nebulously between the residences of each parent on alternate weeks, often forgetting which school bus to take or where he'd left his homework.

Like most divorcing couples, Michael's had worked out a "reasonable visitation" schedule with their lawyers. Reasonable visitation was considered twice-a-month weekend overnight stays and one mid-week visit with dad. The exact times were specified for the beginning and end of each contact.

This arrangement seemed to satisfy the parents when they sat down and carved out the settlement; and, initially, Michael eagerly looked forward to seeing his father. In between visits, he fantasized how they would spend their time together. However, the closer it came to finalizing the divorce, the stress around visitation was making Michael anxious as both parents became locked in combat and visits with Dad became less predictable.

Looking back as an adult, Michael would remember with sadness, anger and resentment being a pawn in his parents' divorce. "I dreaded each visitation because I felt like a traitor if I had a good time with my dad. If he canceled a visit, I thought it was my fault. I remember having stomachaches the day before I was scheduled to see him."

Divorce can be a minefield for kids and it's up to parents to make visitation as smooth as possible. Here are some tips to smooth the way:

• Make it clear that you value your child's time with you and with the other parent.

• Work out a fair and practical time-sharing schedule as soon as possible.