Resource Articles

Divorce is an Emotional Rollercoaster, But Are You Paranoid?

How healthy is divorce litigation for everyone involved: clients, their families, the lawyers and others? How healthy is it for anyone involved in these cases?

Paranoia is a profound distrust or suspicion of others, which goes hand-in-hand with the belief that one is being persecuted. In divorce, these feelings can have some basis in reality. There may indeed be someone out to get you. Usually, it is the person to whom you had hitherto been closest: your spouse.

Unfortunately, divorce causes some people to become irrational or even delusional. Their perceived “persecutor” is nothing of the sort and may actually be a spouse who wants nothing more than to move on with his or her life.

The painting above is called “Paranoia”. What are the figures in the painting staring at and so worried by? There is no-one visible outside, so what or who do they think may be coming in through the door? Are they right to be worried or are they paranoid?

A Four-Step Plan To Healing After Divorce

Going from bitter to better post divorce

Your marriage was not a mistake. It was a collection of gifts and lessons. You can stay stuck in bitterness. But imagine the possibilities when you look at the end of your marriage as an open door, rather than a void.

What you need is a divorce agreement — not for you and your ex — for yourself. It doesn't replace your original decree; it's a healing tool to end your relationship on an emotional level. The good news is you don't need lawyers. And you can make it binding just by making the decision to become a stronger woman, not in spite of, but because of your divorce.

Here's how it works:

1. Make a list of all the ways you grew or benefited from the marriage and relationship.

Red Flags to Avoid During Custody Evaluations

Custody mediation can be a dress rehearsal for a court-ordered child-custody evaluation, because if the case is not settled in mediation, an evaluation could be next. Mediation can help parents dig themselves out of entrenched positions, get them to evaluate their goals, and help them develop a child-centered parenting plan that will promote the best interests of their children.

The mediator's job is to reduce acrimony and get the parties to agree to a custody and visitation arrangement. If that process comes to a halt, they can at least prepare the parents for what an evaluator will want to know.

An evaluator in the State of California, where we work, will want to hear about the parental history: when the parents met, when the parents' relationship became serious, when the parents began living together, when the parents got married, when the parents first separated, the total number of separations, the date of the last separation, and whether and when couples or family counseling was ever done.

Are the Odds Stacked in Favor of "Gold Diggers"?

I have been fortunate enough recently to attend two horse racing events. I love the races, even though I’m not much of a gambler. The sleek lines of the beautiful horses, the roar of the crowd, everyone dressed up to the nines; intent on having a really good time and celebrating the King of Sports.

How To Share Your Divorce News

Five years ago, one of my best friends got divorced. Her husband met another woman and left her and their two small boys. Heartbroken and alone, she and her kids moved in with my family while she tried to get her bearings. Oh, did I mention the jerk who left her was my brother?

Until then, I had never seen divorce up close and personal. Most of the people I knew were in seemingly healthy marriages. When my sister-in-law moved in, I honestly imagined that home-cooked meals, some pretty new clothes, a bedroom makeover in feminine florals and oodles of babysitting would get her right back up on her feet. After all, “she’d be better off without him after what he did to her.” She was smart, young and pretty. Why was she moping around? “Shake it off.” I thought. “Get over it and move on.”

Can Women Have Trophy Boyfriends?

“Tell me,” asked Mrs Merton famously to the glamourous Debbie McGee about her well-known magician husband, “what was it that first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?”

The image of the not so stunning but very wealthy Paul Daniels flashed into everyone’s mind and the audience laughed. It’s a clever question that has stuck with me since then; every time a nubile young female is seen with an older man, the same thought goes through my mind.

Would these gorgeous very young women be hanging onto the arm of Silvio Berlusconi, Mel Gibson or Ronnie Wood — especially Ronnie Wood! — if these men lived hand-to-mouth? Would these men have the same appeal? The same charm?

I don’t think so.

Blending in as the Smart Stepwife

When the Ex is Still in the Picture

The pictures of his ex-wife are scattered throughout the house, as though she is not only renting space in our home, but also in his brain. There are the pictures of her with his daughters on the beach with their footprints carved into the sand and the one where she is laughing while making a funny clown face with the youngest child.

There’s also a group family picture with all the cousins and grandparents; to me it’s as if the photo has become a giant 3D image and she is literally jumping out of it, a menacing reminder that she will always be in my life.

Do I mention that these pictures bother me or do I ignore it?

While we are dating, I say nothing, realizing it is not yet my place to make such a demand.

He had a life before me. The permanent remnants, these children running up and down the stairs, will be forever connected to that past.

I literally bite my tongue — even though I have slept over several times now and glanced at her picture while scrambling eggs in the kitchen.

How to Act in Court During Your Divorce

Clients don’t always realise that how they dress, act and speak are crucial factors that will undoubtedly weigh on a judge’s mind during a case. When there is a decision to be made in favour of the client, or against them, even the smallest details can make a huge difference.

Several years ago I chaired DSS Tribunals which heard appeals from people who had been refused various state benefits. Along with a doctor and a lay person, I would listen to the appellant explaining why they believed benefits had been unfairly denied, which frequently involved the apparent physical incapacity of the individual concerned.

Often the claimants would go to great lengths to describe their ailment in the pre-hearing paperwork. They would, for example, state why it was impossible to sit longer than 10 minutes at a time because of a back condition or to walk any measurable distance without assistance due to various medical reasons.

What they tended to forget, however, was that how they behaved during the tribunal hearing, which usually lasted about 45 minutes, was also taken into account and was equally as important as their written tales.

How to Minimize Divorce Costs in a Recession

10 tips to help you cope

Divorce is always turbulent, and often fraught with unexpected complications, but an economic recession may make a bad situation worse. If you are about to divorce or are considering it, choices made now will have a significant impact upon your financial future.

Here are 10 tips to help you cope:

1. Move swiftly. If your divorce drags on, costs will mount. Prepare details of respective finances with supporting documentation as soon as possible.

Find a reputable solicitor who will provide a good steer on the outcome of your case and an estimate of likely costs. Issuing an application to court, timetables the case and can save legal costs in the long run.

If a divorce is imminent and you live overseas or have overseas connections, immediate action is essential — legislation and likely financial settlements vary from country to country.