Experts and Resources

Divorce can be overwhelming, confusing, emotionally wrought and downright terrifying, with so much to consider and too much to do. We know having the right information at the right time is critical to you, so we've organized all of our resource content into a simple directory to provide you quick, easy access to all the tools you need to make informed and powerful choices.

Choose a category relevant to you: getting a divorce, your finances and divorce, kids family and divorce, sex and dating post-divorce, mind and spirit, health and body through divorce, career and pursuits post-divorce.

New Relationship Rules: Texting & IMing

A guide to good communication etiquette: How often to text, call, and IM.

Posted to by YourTango on Fri, 03/19/2010 - 10:04am

Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. At least that's what's been shoved down the throats of the love-hungry for decades. And perhaps it was true 150 years ago, when the best way to communicate over any real distance was to write down your thoughts, hand them to a dirty guy on a horse, and have him take off into the remains of the day.

Now, in a warm and fluid world of cell phones, text messages, and IMs, anyone can reach out and touch you, anytime, anyplace. Significant others, naturally, are hands-on. They "just want to hear your voice"—so it’s a quick call during the day. Or a text message between office and gym.

In the beginning, you reply with the vigor of a porn star on Viagra: "I miss you, too." But soon the "I miss you" turns to "where are you?"—a bill among the love notes. For men, the cell phone becomes a homing beacon. Like Martha Stewart with that pesky ankle bracelet, we can't stretch our legs without getting zapped.

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Why Divorced Women Must Embrace the Word "No"

Debbie Does Divorce with Susan Newman

Posted to by Debbie Nigro on Fri, 03/19/2010 - 8:00am

Are you hesitant or afraid to say no? Most women fail to use the one word that frees them, honors them, earns them respect and gets them what they want. It’s a word too many of us think of as negative, but once uttered in the tug of war that is divorce, is extraordinarily satisfying. Debbie finds out how to get over the hump of being agreeable and why we should by talking to Susan Newman, author of "The Book of NO: 250 Ways to Say It — and Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever." After this segment you’ll want to start flexing your NO-muscle immediately.

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When Your Child Isn’t Doing Homework: Tips for the Single Mom

Posted to by Dr. Mark Banschick on Thu, 03/18/2010 - 10:10am

With school back in session, the subject of homework is back on the table. Here are some examples of typical problems, especially in divorced families, and tips for how to solve them.

Sarah and Anthony have been divorced for three years and Sarah has been the primary custodial parent. It has its rewards and frustrations. Now, it’s two weeks into the school year, and Sarah has just gotten off the phone with her son’s new teacher. Sarah is beyond upset, because it is happening again. Joey, age 11, looks like he is doing his homework but somehow it doesn’t get from his school bag to the teacher’s desk. She turns to Joey and says,“You mean you forgot to hand in your homework again?” He cowers under the criticism and spits back, “Why are you always so mean?”

Let’s unpack this vignette. There is a pragmatic problem to solve as well as an emotional problem to address.

First let’s look at the pragmatic problem. Joey may have what psychologists call Executive Functioning Problems. This is when the mind has poor management of organization and priorities.

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How to Fly Solo in Court

Posted to by Cathy Meyer on Wed, 03/17/2010 - 9:11am

When you're going through a divorce, you usually have an attorney, right? Well, not always.

The last two times I went to court over a divorce issue, I went "pro se," meaning I fired my attorney and represented myself. I had to follow the same procedures as a lawyer, which involved completing the paperwork and then filing it. Representing myself worked well for me and could also work for you.I'm not suggesting you throw caution to the wind and jump feet first into the process of representing yourself. If you can find an attorney who's right for you, one who you trust, the divorce process will be less stressful.

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Feeding the Black Wolf

Conquering fear and anxiety

Posted to by Maryanne Comaroto on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 8:42am

Yesterday started like many another: I woke up. Normally I am grateful I’m on the right side of the ground, count up the hours I slept peacefully, pause to recall and explore my dreams, evaluate any disturbances and inquire into my feeling state. Then I ritually discuss mutual inquiry with my husband.

Except on this morning I skipped the gratitude, climbed over my anxiety, and went straight to how many hours of sleep I had accrued. Deciding I had enough, I detached my cat from my face and half-heartedly asked my husband how he had slept. Looking back, I can see I had fed the wrong wolf—and off I went, spiraling towards the vortex.

I raced to beat the clock; we had to be at the airport by 8am, it was 6:20, and I was standing there in my jammies machinating over whether or not the heavy rain would delay our flight. Thundershowers were expected. While I showered I imagined our plane being tossed into oblivion amidst lightning and thunder, spat into the abyss.

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Sex and Astrology: The Top 10 Hot Astrological Matches

Are Aries and Scorpio a good love match?

Posted to by Constance Stellas on Sun, 03/14/2010 - 8:04am

Many times people ask me what sign is romantically compatible with their sign. They tell me they're not supposed to get along with Aries (or some other sign) but they've had relationships with Aries for years, am I wrong?

The "answer" lies in understanding your whole chart and for that you should get your chart read by a good astrologer. In terms of lust and romance, the sign that your Venus and Mars was in when you were born may hold some clues for happiness between the sheets, as well as in love. Or your moon sign may call out to another's moon and your emotions feel in sync. It's more complicated than just saying that Cancerians are a good match for you, or conversely that all relationships with Scorpio are bad matches. Self-knowledge is the key.

However, we live in a fast-paced society and people may not want to take the time to understand their whole chart. There's a simplified way to determine what signs work for you in terms of overall communication — that is, between the sheets, talking, dating or planning a life together.

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Steps to Managing Stress Through Divorce

Posted to by Felicia Brown on Thu, 03/11/2010 - 9:48am

Life can seem pretty harsh after a divorce or separation. It feels as though every new, stressful situation is about to send you over the edge.

So what can you do about it? Maybe you're used to writing a "to do" list of tasks to turn things around. But have you ever thought about making a list of how to make things worse at the same time?

Yes, it sounds crazy. But this kind of journaling can be a fun attitude adjustment, giving you a healthy new perspective about the issues at hand. Plus, it increases your awareness level.

Once you take pen to paper, you will gradually begin to see more clearly. You may be surprised to find that you've been stuck in a holding pattern of anxiety — worrying, but doing little else to solve your problems. Your "better and worse" list will reveal tangible proof that, instead of just feeling sorry for yourself, you can take actionable steps toward change.

Here are a few examples:

 

FINANCIAL WORRIES

I can make my finances better by:

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