Mind and Spirit - Experts and Resources

Feeding the Black Wolf

Conquering fear and anxiety

Posted to by Maryanne Comaroto on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 8:42am

Yesterday started like many another: I woke up. Normally I am grateful I’m on the right side of the ground, count up the hours I slept peacefully, pause to recall and explore my dreams, evaluate any disturbances and inquire into my feeling state. Then I ritually discuss mutual inquiry with my husband.

Except on this morning I skipped the gratitude, climbed over my anxiety, and went straight to how many hours of sleep I had accrued. Deciding I had enough, I detached my cat from my face and half-heartedly asked my husband how he had slept. Looking back, I can see I had fed the wrong wolf—and off I went, spiraling towards the vortex.

I raced to beat the clock; we had to be at the airport by 8am, it was 6:20, and I was standing there in my jammies machinating over whether or not the heavy rain would delay our flight. Thundershowers were expected. While I showered I imagined our plane being tossed into oblivion amidst lightning and thunder, spat into the abyss.

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Steps to Managing Stress Through Divorce

Posted to by Felicia Brown on Thu, 03/11/2010 - 9:48am

Life can seem pretty harsh after a divorce or separation. It feels as though every new, stressful situation is about to send you over the edge.

So what can you do about it? Maybe you're used to writing a "to do" list of tasks to turn things around. But have you ever thought about making a list of how to make things worse at the same time?

Yes, it sounds crazy. But this kind of journaling can be a fun attitude adjustment, giving you a healthy new perspective about the issues at hand. Plus, it increases your awareness level.

Once you take pen to paper, you will gradually begin to see more clearly. You may be surprised to find that you've been stuck in a holding pattern of anxiety — worrying, but doing little else to solve your problems. Your "better and worse" list will reveal tangible proof that, instead of just feeling sorry for yourself, you can take actionable steps toward change.

Here are a few examples:

 

FINANCIAL WORRIES

I can make my finances better by:

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Carpe Dreaming: Thoughts on Living for Today

Posted to by Maryanne Comaroto on Tue, 03/09/2010 - 12:06pm

I hear fire engines roaring through the valley where I live. I feel the sense of survival rush through my body and privately hope the rescue crew gets to whoever needs them in time. I send my ritual blessing into the ethers and then randomly wonder why sometimes it takes a crisis for us to wake up, to really Carpe Diem.

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“The Marriage Ref” Almost Nails it

Posted to by Dr. Bonnie Eake... on Sun, 03/07/2010 - 9:44am

I recently watched "The Marriage Ref", which premiered earlier this month. According to Wikipedia, the premise of the show involves real life couples who have been having an on-going fight for a long time. A video clip is shown to the three-member celebrity panel, showing both sides of the argument. The panel then discuss the merits of each side of the argument and vote on who they think is right. 

While this show is one of the funniest I've seen in a long time and aims to do the right thing – give both sides a voice and listen to each argument – it doesn't necessarily translate into creating change or fostering the proper habits for the couple. It starts to play off of what I call “Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue,” but they were not able to define and enact these skills.  The Smart Heart Skills were validated but undone by the actors doing cheerleading into each other being right and wrong.  Smart heart skills are not about being right and wrong as opposed to "walking in the others' shoes" and making the person feel safe. 

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Is the Story of Your Divorce Defining You?

Posted to by Laura Campbell on Fri, 02/26/2010 - 11:01pm

So, are you one of those?

Are you one of those women who define themselves by their divorce?

There was a time when I was. My “story” was that I was a divorced woman going through a really rough time. And that clearly, I could not be expected to be all that I could be because I absolutely had no control over what would come next.

Does this sound familiar? I lived for about 6 months with this “story”. Defining myself by this transition called divorce.

Even this many years later, there are parts of the story that can still sometimes feel real.

However, I learned early on that this “story” did not serve me at all. And as a matter of fact, exhausted, frustrated and annoyed my friends and family. They simply didn’t want to hear it. My “poor me story” wore them down. To be honest, it wore me down as well.

It was a wonderful excuse that prevented me from moving forward and creating my new life and it held me exactly where I was.

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How to Heal a Relationship After an Affair

Ten steps to forgive, apologize and rebuild trust after infidelity

Posted to by YourTango on Fri, 02/19/2010 - 10:51am

Cheating can unleash devastating consequeces on a couple and is oft-cited as the ultimate deal breaker, beating out both emotional unavailability and physical abuse. Yet over half of married couples decide to weather the damage together rather than split up. Unfortunately, the healing process doesn't happen overnight, and even the most committed couples can get waylaid by hurt feelings, paralyzing guilt, and resentment. YourTango spoke with Dr. Janis A. Spring, clinical psychologist and author of After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful and How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To on the ten crucial steps a couple must take before emerging stronger than ever.

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Selfishness: A Quality To Cultivate

Part 2 of 2

Posted to by Cathy Meyer on Tue, 02/16/2010 - 9:24am

In last week's article, I talked about selfishness, getting our needs met and how important that is to living a healthy, purposeful, fulfilling life. This week I'll go over the steps we need to take to make sure we are cultivating a healthy level of selfishness. Selfishness that maximizes the value of our interactions with others and at the same time keeps us from sacrificing ourselves to the needs of others.

Step One:

Saying no...this is important because it is easy to create stress in our lives if we don't turn down requests for our time and talents. Saying no is one of those selfish acts that we should cultivate. It may be the most beneficial thing we can do for ourselves. When we say no, we will be able to spend quality time on those things that bring us happiness instead of stress.

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