Mind and Spirit - Experts and Resources

Burning Down the Barriers to Success Post-Divorce

Do you ever ignore an opportunity? Or, worse yet, make excuses that keep you from facing fears that can come with an opportunity? I had an opportunity stare me right in the face last week and I found myself making excuses, backing away from it as if it were a threat instead of a gift.

We all have our list of excuses. I work with clients regularly who can instantly recite from their list of excuses. The list typically sounds something like this:

"Oh, I can't do that, I need to lose 20 pounds first."

"I'm too shy, I could never speak in front of a group that large."

"I don't have the money, time, energy, education...yada, yada, yada."

One thing I have found to be true is that people who have a long list of excuses rarely have anything else.

The gloomiest times in my life were the times that I let my list of excuses take over. I thought it was easier to say "I can't do this, that or the other thing" instead of taking responsibility for my quality of life. The longer I allowed myself to use my list of excuses, the more dismal my life would become.

How to Get Help for Victims of Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse does not have to be physical to be experienced as abuse. Abuse can include belittling a woman, keeping her on a very tight leash financially, limiting her movements outside of the house, filling the house with fear. A Canadian study found that 79 percent of marriages with serious abuse end in divorce.

The first step in dealing with abuse is recognizing it. But action must be taken. Here are some sources of information:

• National Domestic Abuse Hotline

• Domestic Abuse Awareness Handbook

• State Coalition List

• Domestic Abuse Shelters

• Domestic Abuse Victims Rights

• Women's Law.org

Escaping Domestic Abuse:

Do Some Thinking Before Filing for Divorce

Are you thinking about divorce? The decision to divorce is critical, with consequences that can last a lifetime. It is a step that should be thoroughly thought out before taken.

Below are questions you should ask yourself before making the decision to divorce.

Is there still an emotional connection?

Have your feelings for your husband faded or are you frustrated over marital problems that seem insurmountable? If there are still feelings of love, you should work on the marriage before deciding to divorce. Don't allow feelings of frustration to cause you to make a choice you will later regret. If there is love left, seeking to solve problems with a marriage counselor could put the brakes on a divorce you didn't want in the first place.

Is your desire to divorce based on an emotional reaction or true self-awareness?