Kids and Family - Experts and Resources

How to Communicate During and After the Divorce Process

Posted to by Warren Shiell on Fri, 02/01/2013 - 5:32am

One of the most important tools for making cooperative parenting work, and for that matter, negotiating any issues in a divorce or raising any matters of concern, is to discuss them in a reasonable and non-accusatory manner.

In her excellent book, Mom’s House, Dad’s House, Dr. Isolina Ricci suggests applying what she refers to as "basic parent-business principles," when relating to one another. One of these principles is keeping your feelings in check. In a business relationship, feelings may run high, but good business people understand that feelings should not get in the way of negotiating solutions to problems. If many spouses talked to their bosses the way they talk to their partners they’d be fired on the spot.

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Creating Two Post-Divorce Homes for Your Children

Posted to by Scott Haltzman MD on Thu, 01/31/2013 - 9:15am

Consider all the hoopla around weddings. Your family and friends surround you and pronounce, through their words and deeds, that they stand by your side during this life-changing experience. The band or DJ plays your favorite tune as you and your husband sway together wrapped in each other's arms. It's a great moment in your life.

Yet when you choose to make an equally life-changing experience to end your marriage, there are no rented dance halls, elaborate floral arrangements or three-layered cakes. And, more importantly, there is often no support around you for the decision that you make. There are many reasons to decide to leave a marriage, just as there are many reasons to start one. The problem is, you don't have nearly so much explaining to do when you are putting the ring on as you do when you are permanently taking the ring off. Many couples I talk to say that they feel pressure from family and friends to stay together in the marriage for one prevailing reason: the children.

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Managing Education from Two Homes: 7 Tips from a Child of Divorce

By Jessica Goldstein

Posted to by First Wives World on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 5:40am

I commuted back and forth between my mom's and my dad's house every other night from the ages of nine to fourteen.

I was fortunate enough to have divorced parents who got along uncommonly well and lived only five minutes apart. This was hardly the typical divorced family situation. Living in two households inevitably has its drawbacks though, regardless of the relationship your parents may have.

In addition to the general inconvenience of keeping all of your things in two different places, the pre-pubescent years tend to render you with hormonal mood swings and bouts of self-consciousness.

I'm not going to lie. It wasn't easy. I always had to plan out everything I would need for the next 24 to 48 hours well in advance and remember to pack it all up before leaving each time.

Sometimes I would forget things for school, which meant a late night trip back to the other house again to fetch it. I had to give all of my friends four different phone numbers to reach me at — the main line at each house and the kids’ line (this was before cellphones).

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True Mom Confessions

Tips for Divorced Mothers

Posted to by Jill Brooke on Thu, 01/17/2013 - 8:28am

Recently, truemomconfessions.com shared some of their members’ concerns with firstwivesworld.com, and we agreed to swap content every week. They will provide the confessions, and we will provide the advice.

Here are this week’s confessions.

True Mom Confession:

"I have never been away from my kids before. It’s been one week and I have two more to go. This part of divorce sucks! I miss them so much. I don't think I can make it another two weeks."

FWW response:

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Etiquette Tips For Parent Visitation

Posted to by Marsha Temlock on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 7:40am

When eight-year-old Michael learned his parents were splitting, his first question was, "Where will I live and does that mean I won't get to see Daddy?"

Michael knew a number of kids whose parents were divorced and, already at his tender age, he was aware of the difficulties. One classmate coincidentally named Cloud floated nebulously between the residences of each parent on alternate weeks, often forgetting which school bus to take or where he'd left his homework.

Like most divorcing couples, Michael's had worked out a "reasonable visitation" schedule with their lawyers. Reasonable visitation was considered twice-a-month weekend overnight stays and one mid-week visit with dad. The exact times were specified for the beginning and end of each contact.

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Six Ways to Help Kids Adjust to a Step-Parent

Posted to by Marsha Temlock on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 8:46am

I recently read a book by Sue Miller called Lost in the Forest that focuses the lens on the way remarriage affects kids.

In a nutshell, Eva is the divorced mother of two little girls who grapple with their allegiance to their two fathers when she remarries. Daisy, the younger daughter, has difficulty articulating her feelings. John, her stepfather is able to draw her out. He is sensitive, caring. When he asks: "How is your life different from the way you would have liked it to be?" Daisy did not have to think about her answer.

She told John she wished her parents hadn't gotten divorced and that they still lived in the house up in the hills. Then, she added, ‘But then I wouldn't have you..."

To Daisy's way of thinking, stepdad the new improved version of her biological father, who tries hard to be a good dad, but lacks stability. Not only is John there for her, he makes her mother happy and he can provide the family with the comforts they've lacked.

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How to Answer Pesky Divorce Questions

Tips for Handling Relatives and Loved Ones

Posted to by Marsha Temlock on Sat, 12/15/2012 - 2:52am

"We're getting a divorce." When these words are announced, folks will have questions. You need answers — good ones that will stanch the flood of annoying queries that usually follows.

Face it. Divorce does not exist in a vacuum. It's not only you, your ex, and your kids. The paparazzi (the friends, family, acquaintances, and rubber neckers in your life) are all going to be affected. You can count on shifts in your relationships as folks try to weasel out the specifics and take sides. Many people are concerned. Many are saddened. Some are just plain rude. When you break the news, remember these three guidelines:

1. Don't make this into the Tales of the Arabian Nights. Be as brief as you can.

2. Avoid embellishment. Stick to the facts.

3. Be future-oriented, positive.

Once you cover the basics, have some quick responses at the ready. With a script of gracious and succinct comebacks, you will have an easier time dealing with the paparazzi in your life and speeding up your recovery. Try these thoughtful responses to the reactions you will likely encounter:

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