Resource Articles

Feeding the Black Wolf

Conquering fear and anxiety

Yesterday started like many another: I woke up. Normally I am grateful I’m on the right side of the ground, count up the hours I slept peacefully, pause to recall and explore my dreams, evaluate any disturbances and inquire into my feeling state. Then I ritually discuss mutual inquiry with my husband.

Except on this morning I skipped the gratitude, climbed over my anxiety, and went straight to how many hours of sleep I had accrued. Deciding I had enough, I detached my cat from my face and half-heartedly asked my husband how he had slept. Looking back, I can see I had fed the wrong wolf—and off I went, spiraling towards the vortex.

I raced to beat the clock; we had to be at the airport by 8am, it was 6:20, and I was standing there in my jammies machinating over whether or not the heavy rain would delay our flight. Thundershowers were expected. While I showered I imagined our plane being tossed into oblivion amidst lightning and thunder, spat into the abyss.

Sex and Astrology: The Top 10 Hot Astrological Matches

Are Aries and Scorpio a good love match?

Many times people ask me what sign is romantically compatible with their sign. They tell me they're not supposed to get along with Aries (or some other sign) but they've had relationships with Aries for years, am I wrong?

The "answer" lies in understanding your whole chart and for that you should get your chart read by a good astrologer. In terms of lust and romance, the sign that your Venus and Mars was in when you were born may hold some clues for happiness between the sheets, as well as in love. Or your moon sign may call out to another's moon and your emotions feel in sync. It's more complicated than just saying that Cancerians are a good match for you, or conversely that all relationships with Scorpio are bad matches. Self-knowledge is the key.

However, we live in a fast-paced society and people may not want to take the time to understand their whole chart. There's a simplified way to determine what signs work for you in terms of overall communication — that is, between the sheets, talking, dating or planning a life together.

Steps to Managing Stress Through Divorce

Life can seem pretty harsh after a divorce or separation. It feels as though every new, stressful situation is about to send you over the edge.

So what can you do about it? Maybe you're used to writing a "to do" list of tasks to turn things around. But have you ever thought about making a list of how to make things worse at the same time?

Yes, it sounds crazy. But this kind of journaling can be a fun attitude adjustment, giving you a healthy new perspective about the issues at hand. Plus, it increases your awareness level.

Once you take pen to paper, you will gradually begin to see more clearly. You may be surprised to find that you've been stuck in a holding pattern of anxiety — worrying, but doing little else to solve your problems. Your "better and worse" list will reveal tangible proof that, instead of just feeling sorry for yourself, you can take actionable steps toward change.

Here are a few examples:

FINANCIAL WORRIES

I can make my finances better by:

Carpe Dreaming: Thoughts on Living for Today

I hear fire engines roaring through the valley where I live. I feel the sense of survival rush through my body and privately hope the rescue crew gets to whoever needs them in time. I send my ritual blessing into the ethers and then randomly wonder why sometimes it takes a crisis for us to wake up, to really Carpe Diem.

“The Marriage Ref” Almost Nails it

I recently watched "The Marriage Ref", which premiered earlier this month. According to Wikipedia, the premise of the show involves real life couples who have been having an on-going fight for a long time. A video clip is shown to the three-member celebrity panel, showing both sides of the argument. The panel then discuss the merits of each side of the argument and vote on who they think is right. 

While this show is one of the funniest I've seen in a long time and aims to do the right thing – give both sides a voice and listen to each argument – it doesn't necessarily translate into creating change or fostering the proper habits for the couple. It starts to play off of what I call “Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue,” but they were not able to define and enact these skills.  The Smart Heart Skills were validated but undone by the actors doing cheerleading into each other being right and wrong.  Smart heart skills are not about being right and wrong as opposed to "walking in the others' shoes" and making the person feel safe. 

Networking For Business Success

3 Post-Divorce Tips

When a woman comes out of something like divorce, her entire world changes. That is why it is imperative to have a supportive community to help you along the way. This advice is especially true for recently divorced entrepreneurs.

Can you imagine trying to rebuild your life as you build your business? Well, what a better time to reach out to those within your circle! Here is how you can do just that:

1. Create a list of the people within your inner business circle (sometimes different from your personal circle). Then make a list of friends and colleagues who are not on that inner circle list, but you still feel comfortable reaching out to.

2. Make a list of your wants and needs. This list could have anything from babysitting to new clients. It doesn't matter if the list includes a haircut, office supplies, networking opportunities or a car. Find out what it is that you now need to continue your journey to success.

The Dark Side: How Teens Handle Divorce

It is a common misconception that, following divorce, teenagers become more self-sufficient and independent. The real truth is that teens often times appear that way, and their parents see this as license to back off and give them too much space, freedom, and not enough supervision and family time. The real danger is that teens can and will deal with divorce in potentially much more self destructive ways than younger children.

Has your teen...

• isolated herself?

•  stopped talking to you altogether?

•  developed a "whatever" attitude?

•  started skipping school and/or grades are plummeting?

•  begun hiding evidence of doing drugs or alcohol?

Or...

•  does he keep saying "Get the &%$# off my back, Mom?"

•  has he pushed or hit someone in the house?

•  is he showing signs of stress like: angry outbursts, talking back and swearing?

•  is he so angry and so out of control that you are scared of him?

And do you sometimes wonder to yourself that he will turn into an ax murderer?

Monkeys vs Man: Who Is More Sexually Evolved?

Question: I'm very curious to hear why there is such a strong border at the point where one drops ones drawers. Why do you consider that to be the place where there is no turning back? If you look at aboriginal societies, and even at other naked societies like those of primates, obviously there are no drawers there to drop, and yet they manage to have quite evolved sexual societies, and they raise children who also grow up to understand sexuality in an intelligent way. So why is it so different for us?

Maryanne's Answer: This question of the line of demarcation is an important one, and to understand why dropping drawers is such an important boundary, we have to compare our culture to the ones of naked societies. Ted Bundy once said that he believed that violence against women would continue for as long as pornography exists in our society. There is a dehumanizing element in our media that makes us think of each other as objects, or worse, as predators and prey. This may explain why aboriginal and primate societies are more sexually evolved than we are — they are not exposed to these victimizing elements.

Is the Story of Your Divorce Defining You?

So, are you one of those?

Are you one of those women who define themselves by their divorce?

There was a time when I was. My “story” was that I was a divorced woman going through a really rough time. And that clearly, I could not be expected to be all that I could be because I absolutely had no control over what would come next.

Does this sound familiar? I lived for about 6 months with this “story”. Defining myself by this transition called divorce.

Even this many years later, there are parts of the story that can still sometimes feel real.

However, I learned early on that this “story” did not serve me at all. And as a matter of fact, exhausted, frustrated and annoyed my friends and family. They simply didn’t want to hear it. My “poor me story” wore them down. To be honest, it wore me down as well.

It was a wonderful excuse that prevented me from moving forward and creating my new life and it held me exactly where I was.