What to Do When Your Teen Hates You for Divorcing

Posted to Resource Articles by Susan Epstein on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 8:32am

Dear Mom,

Why are you always yelling at me? Ever since you and Dad got divorced you have been acting really weird. "Do this, pick up that, put this away, do your homework, get off the computer, set the table and brush your teeth!"

It really drives me crazy that you never just let me be. It's like you are taking out all your anger on me. You ask me why I don't listen to you. Well, everything you say sounds the same...plus you are on me all the time. I cannot finish a thought, a TV show, a computer game or even a conversation without you telling me to do something else!

You think that I have ADD because you think that I don't focus. Well, YOU don't let me focus. You are constantly interrupting everything I do. That is the real reason why I can never finish anything. And to top it off, I feel like I can never do anything right. If you and Dad were still together none of this would be happening. Why did our lives have to change?

Another thing, you are always working or on the phone. You never spend time with me. And that new guy you are seeing...well I won't even go into that! I know that I scream at you "I hate you!" I don't really "hate" you; I hate what has happened to us and how you are handling it. I don't mean to upset you or make you cry but I can't stand it!

Here's some ways you can make it better for me:

— Why don't you hand me a list of stuff to do and put a deadline on it? Let me manage my time and figure out when to get it done. Then if I don't follow through, you can yell at me all you want and I'll accept responsibility.

— Just stop nagging. It just makes me want to go to my room and get away from you. It also makes me say mean things to you like "whatever!", roll my eyes, and not do what you asked me to do.

— Set limits. I really do need a curfew. Even if it doesn't seem like it, I need someone to keep tabs on me.

— See your new boyfriend when I'm at Dad's. At least for now, let me get used to the idea.

— Make time for me. Invite me out to eat. Come and watch TV with me. Ask me to show my homework to you even if I protest.

Mom, I love you very much and I don't mean to be difficult. It's just that these changes are really hard and it is scary for me.

Love,

Your son/daughter

Comments

I'm so heart broken my 15

Submitted by Tina (not verified) on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 12:28pm.

I'm so heart broken my 15 daughter hates me! In her eyes and words I'm stupid and I never do anything right .she has turned into a very racial person like her dad.I remarried to a Hispanic and she talks to him and also to me like we r dogs in our own home. She also tells me she doesnt respect me because I don't respect her.she pushes me gets in My face screaming at me like she wants to hit me me or something.my husband and I both tell her that I am her mother and she is the child not vice versa.then she just says what ever and starts name calling and makes my 10 yr old go in there room and they stay in there and only comes out to go the restroom.My 10 will not even speak to me please help me im so confussed broken hearted and about to go crazy!!!

Wow - sounds like Parental

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 1:14am.

Wow - sounds like Parental Alienation. Do your research on the subject: https://www.facebook.com/StopCourtOrderedParentalAlienation You will need the help of a psychologist that deals with PAS.

That is so horrible. I know

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 12:34am.

That is so horrible. I know what you are going through. I am going to counseling but have only had one visit. I have an estranged daughter. She left to live with her dad when she was 10 y.o., a custodial evaluation was done. She and my husband stopped getting along after the biologic dad started having visitation (I left him when she was 3 y.o. He began seeing her again when she was 5 y.o.) For five years, the biologic dad put her against me and my 2nd husband. My 2nd husband is just as bad. He can put my 11 y.o. daugh. against me by parental ailenation techniques. I am just learning all of this, but I wish I had long ago. Try going to counseling if you can. The YMCA/YWCA has free programs. Try to have your own special time with your children if only for 15 or 30 minutes each day. Try to go to church for Divine help. Remember hormones in the body can make a person hateful especially two weeks before menses. I read a book by Dr. James Dobson called Raising Girls, and he mentioned about his wife and described the menses cycle as having a "spring" season, "summer" (the best mood) season, "fall" and "winter" season. Good luck to you and your family.

What to Do When Your Teen Hates You for Divorcing

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