5 Financial Actions to Take Before You Even Think About Divorce

I met my now husband in 1998,within weeks he asked me to marry him(but didn't ever buy me an engagement ring). We were together til Oct 2001(after a few indiscretions on his part), I had to finally tell him since he would NOT make good on the promise to marry me we should take a break from our relationship and give him time to decide if I was what he wanted. Within 4 weeks he was sleeping with a girl he had just met, she told him he got her pregnant,(of course the kid is nowyears older and isn't his kid). He married this girl 4 months after he and I broke up. The kid was born 8 months after he met this girl, as a "full term" baby, she got pregnant 2 more times in 4yrs, then ran off with another guy. 2yrs after she left him he returned to my door *BEGGING ME* to give him another chance. Told me I was the BEST thing that ever happened to him and he should have married me. I was overwhelmed with all of this and I was STILL SOOOO IN LOVE with him even after all the crap he had pulled. I lived in Texas and he lived in FL. He said since he pays $1200 a month in child support that I would have to quit my job and ruin my credit and give up everything I had going for me, but that if I would just trust him and give him a chance to make things right, he would fix everything in time...all he wanted was to marry me and make things right....yea, right! I feel so stupid now, we got back together in '08, is child support kept a marriage in the distant future, I have no high school diploma so getting a job here in this small and jobless area was impossible. He told me to just be a stay at home wife and later when we can afford it he would let me get a HSEC and go to school for an associates degree. We married in '11 and almost immediately I began feeling like I was dying. I had ALL the classic symptoms of menopause, and much more...months later, a doc finally diagnosed me with Hoshimotos disease(autoimmune disease), but the doc didn't know how to treat this. Instead of asking a doc to consult with her, she miss treated the problem and essentially did nothing to stop the progression. I finally slipped into a coma and nearly lost my life. This caused about 60% of my long beautiful hair to fall out, what didn't fall out, broke off at my chin. My husband and I watched in horror as I gained 35lbs in 9 weeks, even though my exercise and eating habits did not change. I also developed a huge swollen face and aged about 15yrs over night. Since I was not getting proper treatment from the doc I then became bed ridden, barely able to take myself to the restroom. NOW, the NEW doc is telling me my adrenals are shot from all the damage done to my body during the time with the old doc...I have days where I seem mostly fine, but some days where I can barely hold my head up. Doc said it will take about a year of treatment to bring my body back from the edge....SO, my problem is, my husband is NOT the same great man I had been so in love with even while he was making a family with another woman. He is now verbally and sometimes a bit physically abusive. He lies every time he opens his mouth. He refuses to allow me to have access to his money/bank acct, he makes me go a day or two with no food in the house. He doesn't provide me with clothes so I had to sell one of my dogs to buy myself larger clothes after I gained the 35lbs. I had a nice truck before we married but his threats of putting me on the street, he made me trade it for the truck HE wanted, even though my tuck was worth $25K and the truck he made me trade for was only worth $8K....I now have BAD credit for my efforts at true love and nothing of value left to my name. I can't get a job for many reasons, not just no diploma, I grew up without family, except my sis but she is in no position to help me. His family lives all over this area, they are lawyers and a judge here. How, in my situation can I possibly leave? I have nowhere to go, no money to get there on and no hope of being able to get another job, much less a job where I can make enough money to support myself. People I have talked to, tell me I should just let him have everything and go live in a women's shelter....REALLY? I should further reward him for destroying my life?? And for those men out there who think a stay at home wife/step mother doesn't "DO" anything....I keep this house even on the days I can hardly walk, I do my BEST to keep him in a nice clean house, when I have GOOD days where I can work even harder, I do as much maintenance, animal care, yard/pasture work as I can before I collapse, not to mention sex upon demand, and thanks to my disease I do not have a libido....but I still have to give him sex! So don't sit there and think I should just go crawl into a ditch and die because I don't get a paycheck!! That's exactly what my husband told me to do when I told him I am miserable and want a divorce! Is there any hope for someone in my position? I prayed for death today and now I fell desperate. The laws are all wrong, he wanted to put me at his mercy, now I am trapped and have no way out.

Florida is the state know for Alimony whores. No-fault means the wife can leave for another man and the husband will pay permanent alimony even with no children involved. The one with a job will be ordered to pay all fees or face jail. Attorneys love it.

I have been married 23 yrs and have been called every name in the book, I hate the C word.. I have had my cell phone shut off texts, blocked, data blocked, so many times it makes me hate cell phones. He had the sprint family locator locate my phone saying I was with in several miles and showed an address so he assumed I must be with some guy, I have been falsely accused of cheating,seeing some one,trying to set him up..He has called me, text me non stop when I'm sleeping and threatens to shut off my phone..Shocking..When he works out of town he calls me all hrs accusing me of cheating..Paranoid I'm cheating,even asked our three grown daughters if mom is seeing some guy.He has always self medicated with meth every once in awhile but now it seems this yr is the worst..He has been self medicating with meth every two weeks, for the last 4 months? from what I have started to keep track of. He is very hyper sexual,watches porn on Tv and his phone when hes high or manic. But he lies, lies,lies,lies about everything then accuses me of lying.He has taken my keys, gone through my purse phone..Says everything is his.We rent don't own,because of bad credit,his gambling and poor money decisions.The bank account is in my name because of his check writing history,so his check are deposited in my bank but he has a card to it. He has had his checks sent to him out of town instead of deposited into the bank to pay bills. He always drains the bank account but makes 100,000 a yr...Yet we are always broke.He says very mean hurtful things.He thought I was lying when I said I was on my period and wanted to see if I really was...He has always been verbally abusive when the girls were young,but I thought he was just being a jerk.His father verbally abused him and physically abused him. I used to fight back but that one time landed me with a broken nose.. When he is normal he can be amazing, fun,giving.loving,tells me I m the world to him, he says I'm beautiful,he's lucky to have me then flips a switch and says hurtful things.One of our daughters was diagnosed with bipolar 1 so I'm guessing he is bipolar too.He was diagnosed with adult ADHD after a physical fight,he went to jail ,took a anger management classes and they said hes ADHD. He is the one that works and pays for everything so he holds that over my head. I have worked in the past but with a daughter that was diagnosed bipolar 4 yrs ago makes it tough.She cant work,sometimes cant sleep,gets very verbally abusive and angry and that's hard enough knowing suicide rate is high for bipolar rapid cyclers.....I'm in hell living in a house with a 22 yr old bipolar daughter and I believe a ADHD/Bipolar husband...He has gone out all night and has come home the next morning with some lie of where he was.When he is high or manic he lurks around the house thinking hes going to catch some guy in the house.I'm 46 yrs old and don't have time for these games. He demands all my emails and passwords,constantly goes though my phone,changes my voice mail password, and if I get mad he will quit his job and drive home or not deposit the check into the bank. He always seems distracted and doesn't listen very well,hince the ADHD...very messy,disorganized,forgetful,loses everything.pees on the toilet seat, doesn't clean up his messes wherever he is....couch,kitchen,bedroom exc... Sad thing is I love the guy but can't handle the control anymore...It's enough stress having a bipolar daughter,but dealing with the manipulation,control,anger is too much.He says he has never cheated on me but has played wicked verbal games saying he has with who and in detail,then says he only does it to see if I will come out with if I have cheated...wicked mind games.. He can be very negative,like I'm walking on eggshell not knowing which one of the two evils I 'm going to deal with today.So with this said I hope someone else out there reads this and makes up her mind to either stick it out with the mental illness or move on....I seriously see it getting worse not better.

is it a good idea to get a bank account after separation an before filing for divorce?

Married 25 years, going thru menapouse. He thinks I had a affair 15 years ago. I did not. I am guilty of writing notes to some else. Wondering what if. At that time I was suffering from depression and on meds. Our children were small then . And was everything. Wife. Mother, doctor,cook, maid,appt esetter. He does not want to go counceling. I am not working. When things get tough he is always telling he has to leave. We are losing our home. We are renting. Are kids stillive at home. Ages 25 and 22. The 25 will move soon. I have a lack of libido. Cannot talk to husband becasuse$ He know everything. Emotionally I am fine most days, but at time I pray something would happen to me, so he will know what life would be like without me. I tried to get closer. Suggest we have a special word to let me know he wants to spend time together. I suggested date night. He refuses. I am at the point to give him what he wants his freedom. Even though that is not what I want. I would love for us to have a real honeymoon. Since our honeymoon was only a weekend trip. Help please.

Me and my husband have been married 5 years. I love him but am no longer in love with him. We have 2 children and due to them i have opened my eyes to the fact that my husband is mentally and physically abusive. I dont want to hurt him and i dont want him out of my kids lives but i cant take it any longer. He isnt the kind of man that beats a woman to the point of black eyes or bloody noses but he has grabbed me by my throat and thrown me through a door once, slapped me, picked me up and thrown me, and ripped my clothes off of me all in anger at different times. He is constantly cussing at me and I could take that but he cusses at my kids horribly and calls them names. he also calls me a wh*** and other bad names when he is mad at me. He has accused me of cheating numerous times and if i say hi to a guy co worker friend from school etc he calls them my boyfriend. If i eat to loud, fidgett too much or pretty much anything i do he tells me how much he cant stand it. I feel like im never good enough. Ive begged him to seek help for his anger issues. I beg him to talk to me about our problems instead of yelling. if our bank account gets low he goes off. Its like he cant handle everyday life and takes all his problems out on me. im at a breaking point. I need help figureing out what I can do because i know hes gonna refuse to watch the kids so i can go to work. he has ruined my credit so i wont be able to keep the house. and im afraid if i take my money and have work deposit it into my own account or tell him im gonna leave what he might do. i dont think he would hurt me but sorry i know im talking a lot im just confused. please any advise on how i could get help with child care and a house would be appreciated.

Been married 26 yrs still luv him cant hardly stand him 13 yrs age difference,he's younger I'm 64 miserable ,still have 17 yr old adopted haven't worked much since we married ,my son killed himself ten yrs into our marriage my husband freely admitted he cheated for 2 yrs( couldn't handle it) really! Me either marriage never the same lots of good qualities in him But I'm 64 need to live we r overburden with debt with debt because fighting for granddaughter .we live in expensive house too big too much also falling down for ack of care. At 64 I want out of debt need simple life .He is also a hoarder which makes our life misery..All I wanted was out of expensive house ,we can't care for ,easier,cheaper life he won't budge.My health isn't great just want out to finish living my life best I can .What can I do in Texas? Hel

I have been with my husband for nearly 10 years, married for four. The first few years of our courtship were a whirlwind of lust and love. We were obsessed with one another and I wanted a commitment. He showed signs of physical aggressiveness in our first year of dating: irrationally flipping out b/c of loosing a key, punching a hole in a wall after a fight between the two of us. I knew inside, that this side of him was going to be a problem. 2 years into our relationship, with no engagement, I moved to 5 hours to be with him. After a year I purchased a condo, thinking that this would make me appear more attractive to him. After my home purchase, he started feeling like I didn't need him and he proposed 8 months later. I remember wanting to tell him no as he proposed, because I was filled with hate that he had made me wait so long. He has been possessive all throughout our relationship, texting me incessantly when I hang out with my friends. He has to be the center of attention and hates it that I no longer outwardly adore him, as I once did. I have found emails with naked pics of girls that were written a week after we were married. I confronted him about this and he promised that he would never do it again, yet he stays up nearly every night doing god knows what on the computer. After finding this on our computer, I am completely turned off by porn and pretty much refuse to watch this with him. Our sex life has been non-existant ( 4-5 X a year) for a number of years, at least four, so since we were married. I feel like he wants me to be more adventurous than I care to be with him. My hold back is because I don't trust him, because of the emotional cheating that he has done with the girls on line. I feel like he instantly looked at me differently after we were wed, like I was no longer a sex symbol, but "his wife". When he was away on a 6 week work trip over seas, I did a boudoir photo session for him, thinking that this would get him to think of me as sexy again. He barely looked at them, stating that he blushed when he saw them, b/c I am his wife, like I can't be sexy because of it. We have little to no communication and he is short with me when he speaks, offering no patience. He becomes enraged multiple times a week by normal day to day problems. He has been physical with me a couple of times, pushing me down to the ground and pulling my hair. We have both thrown out the "d" word on occasion, when we're fighting. He has called me the worst wife a guy could have although I cook, clean, do all of the housework while working a full time travel job. We can't even go on a overseas vacation without fighting. I feel like he barely lives in our house, like he just uses it as a landing spot to drop his clothes, to watch his sports, never wanting to talk with me, to discuss the plans for our house, let alone our future plans. It's always social plans with his friends. I feel like I am just waiting around for him to tell me what we are going to do next and I have to adjust my schedule to accommodate his. We have started going on separate vacations, mine with girlfriends to go skiing, his to the beach with his guy friends.l We do well financially, especially for our young age ( early 30's), bringing in >$150K a year. We are both well educated, both with masters degrees and good jobs. Other people see us as a perfect couple, he is outgoing and charismatic, attractive and tall, but they don't see the side of him that I do. The side that has no self control, that's ugly inside, only wanting money, power and possessions. I want to start having children, but he is entirely too selfish to ever love anyone more than himself. I feel that he fits the mold of a complete narcissistic, withholding sex because he isn't happy with how his body looks, always has to be the complete enter of attention, hates it when I am called beautiful or sexy b/c it competes with his status, instead of enhances it. He grew up in a house that encouraged this egotistical behavior and his mother continues to dote on him, all the while calling his father "the king of the castle", always belittling herself to the men's satisfaction. I do not want my children to be raised in this kind of environment, to think that this is acceptable behavior. The condo that I purchased prior to our marriage is currently on the market as a short sale. It is only in my name, so once it sells, the damage will only be to my credit. I know I want to get out, that at some point I may not be in a safe environment. I worry what would happen to me financially, if I left him, especially considering the short sale. I'm afraid of what he would do to me if I started the divorce process. I know it would be the ultimate blow to his self esteem. I feel like we just don't have enough love to continue, our relationship is riddled with hate and resentment. He is away now, on business for a week, and I dream of packing up all of my stuff, finding a rental.

I have been married for 39 yrs. I am 60 yrs old. My husband had an affair 8 yrs ago. It took 4 yrs for him to end it...Now his old girlfriend has joined our gym and has been seen with him. I put a gps on his phone and found out he has been lying about his whereabouts. I am so sad and confused because he denies having anything to do with her although phone records show she has been calling him from a "throwaway"phone. After a pocket dial to me on his cell, I heard him talking on another phone to her...this, he admitted. Now he totally denies having anything to do with her. I will not have sex with him or communicate much because he says I am trying to run his life. I'm ready to boot him! Any advice?

I have been married for two years but we have been together for 9 years. We have two children (5 years old and 3 year old) together and own our home. We have been seperated now for 4 months (he's living at his parents', I'm staying in the house with the children). He works a full time job in addition to a side job working on a farm. He pays me $400 every two weeks for child support and his half of the cell phone bill and his truck insurance and motorcycle insurance. I have always worked full time our whole entire relationship in addition to going to school full time. I was completing my student teaching (non paid) when we seperated. I had enough money saved up to support my lost income for 6 months (my student teaching and then the summer). I was not able to get a full time teaching position this fall but was placed on the top of the substitution list were I can make at max $375 a week. In the mean time I am babysitting my nephew and making $100 a week. We have decided that a divorce is in our best interest. Right now our mortgage is $605 a month. I have been paying that on my own from my savings and the money I've made watching my nephew. I would not be able to live anywhere else for less a month. A two bedroom apartment in town is $550/month where our house is a 4 bedroom house with a yard and garage and were are kids have lived for the past two years. My husband wants off the mortgage (rightfully so) or he wants to sell the house. How can I refinance the house when I don't have any set income right now? I also have $55,000 in student loan debt that I was able to defer for a year but will cost me roughly $650 a month. I just want to be able to stay in the house and continue paying the mortgage until I can maintain a full time job status. Even if I can't keep the house, I will be unable to rent from anyone without proof of income. I'm so scared that I will have to sell the house and not have any place to live. Any advice please?

"So put an end to your natural inclination to be a "good girl" who only wants "what is rightly mine, fair and reasonable" — because you may be in for a big surprise." There's that women against men thing again and it's further perpetuated through media, lawyers, family and friends. "Get HIM for everything you can" they say! I'm a "good guy" and am DONE being taken advantage of. I cannot believe how easily some of you women will STEAL a mans life, children, money and possessions then sleep ever so soundly at night. By steal a life I mean make me pay pay pay while enduring the heartache of not being able to tuck my son in at night, see his face when he wakes up etc etc etc. It takes time to EARN money and current liabilities to ex equates to DECADES of my remaining dwindling working life while she lives her dream on MY back/dime. How fair is that! She can work /chooses not to. Entitlements. One child. Time to get a lawyer (that I cannot afford) I'm thinking. Been separated over 4.5 yrs. For me it's not easy being nasty to people, especially my son's mother - she knows this and is taking SO advantage of it. If I do nothing I will die the lonely, miserable, angry, financially challenged old man that I feel like today... and sooner than later.