As nice as it is — or was — to cuddle and sleep next to a significant other, I am getting pretty darn used to sleeping alone.

It has been well over a year that I have had my bed all to myself and the thought of sharing it sometimes makes me cringe.

When you sleep alone you don't have to deal with snoring. You are not awakened by someone pulling on the blankets. You don't find yourself being smothered by a well-intended arm wrapped around you. You don't have to be subjected to someone's too-long toenails brushing up against you in the night.

Yes, there is something to be said about sleeping alone.

Lately, I've found myself doing something I haven't done for about 10 years. I lay in bed at night unable to fall asleep, stressing about life.

I haven't done this since college, when I would stress about life post-graduation, where would I work, live, etc.? Basically, I would stress about the future. Not exactly the best thing to do right before falling asleep.

Well, I have been doing it again. It doesn't happen every night but there are several nights a week I find myself tossing and turning or just staring off into space ... thinking. I finally fall to sleep well after midnight.

I worry about my financial situation, my credit going down the drain, my sanity, my happiness. Will I ever marry again? Should I ever marry again? And the list goes on. Again, not exactly the best things to be thinking about before trying to get some solid sleep.

Luckily, it hasn't been happening so often that it is impacting my ability to get up in the morning for work, but it still isn't fun or healthy for that matter.

I have found that reading at night while in bed does help but there are some nights when I'm just not in the mood for reading.

It is interesting because I don't recall having so many sleepless nights while going through my divorce. I think that's because I just wanted to sleep. Sleeping took my mind off the pain so I was eager each night to go to bed and slip into dreamland.

I'm not exactly ready to start dating since my divorce in March but that doesn't mean I can't look. And one place that has quite a bit of eye candy is the gym — the free weight area to be specific.

Luckily, I enjoy free weights the most so being surrounded by sweaty, good-looking guys makes my workout that much more enjoyable. And, aside from toning my muscles, I have been using the time to tone my guy radar.

Out of the corner of my eye, I sneak peeks to see which guys seem obsessed with the mirror and their bulging muscles and which guys seem to be more "down to earth." For example, one day I spotted this good-looking guy but lost any interest I may have had when I saw he was wearing a t-shirt that read: "I love money." Yuck!

And one day I saw this guy who seemed pretty good-looking, though it was hard to really tell because his baseball cap was pulled down pretty low on his face. Well, we both left the gym at the same time and it turned out he ended up living in the same apartment building as me. Hmmm — interesting.

You would think that the gym would be a good place to meet people, and I know several people who have had such luck, but the guys in my gym seem too engrossed in their iPods. Sometimes I see them glancing in my direction but that's as far as it goes.

Oh well. In the meantime, I can have fun just looking.

In my post, I had questioned whether there were any single guys left who would be interested in me because, in part, I "don't have large, fake breasts" and have no plans on ever getting cosmetic surgery.

My problem isn't with cosmetic surgery. Cosmetic surgery can be great if, for example, a person has a disfigured feature like a harelip, has suffered major burns or has lost so much weight that the stretched skin is literally hanging off their body and will never snap back.

My problem is with society's values and the perception of what is attractive — blond hair (usually dyed) and large breasts (usually implants). But here's the real kicker — many of these girls I am referring to are in their 20s or younger! What's up with that!?

Think I'm wrong? If so, just look around and see what kind of women are typically hanging on the arms of attractive guys or, better yet, just turn on the television and watch any one of the gazillion "reality" shows. When I'm at the gym, I see how guys look at women and which women they take a greater interest in.

The reader who replied to my post went on to say, "Maybe stepping out of your comfort zones will find you in a better position." I sure hope they are not implying that maybe I should consider such measures as going under the knife. No thank you! I'm too worried about my well-being to have cosmetic surgery.

Yeah, of course I can play that game too. It isn't too hard to get some implants, dye my hair and hit the tanning bed, but why should I? Just because I think it will make more guys take notice?

Maybe I’m overreacting and paranoid, but since John and I got divorced in March, I find myself feeling nervous for no real reason.

Perhaps it's because I’m still adjusting to life as a divorced woman, still facing several uncertainties in life. I no longer have that comforting feeling of being married and having a partner, knowing that each night I will go home to a man whom I love — or did love — and will wake up with him in the morning. I’m not sure, but I think it's driving me nuts.

For example, if my phone rings and I don’t recognize the number, I won't answer it. The other day, I got a notice in the mail that I have a certified letter at the post office from a name I don’t recognize. I haven’t picked it up yet.

Then I got a voice mail message on my cell phone from a bank representative who asked me to call him back. He didn’t sound like he was calling to give me a sales pitch. Even though it isn’t even the bank where John and I had our joint account, my mind immediately went to John, and I was wondering if somehow, some way the call had to do with him. I called the bank representative back, but was unable to catch him on the phone, so I still don’t know what the call was about.
And I’m sure if I really sat and thought about it I could think of other scenarios.

I guess my trust went out the window along with my faith in marriage in today’s f—ed up society. Maybe someday this feeling will go away.

Has anyone else experienced this unjustified paranoia following a divorce?

I had to go to a conference for work the other day, and as I was roaming the endless sea of exhibit booths, a nearly forgotten memory surfaced.

Late last fall, not long after I learned that John was cheating, I had to leave town for a few days to attend a business conference. It was hard being away in the midst of our marital issues, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. I packed my suitcase and did my best to focus on work for those few days.

On the conference's exhibit floor, I happened to pass by a booth for a company that manufactures pregnancy tests. At that moment, a dreadful thought hit me like a ton of bricks. Why hadn’t I thought of it before? Shaking, sick to my stomach, I darted back to my hotel room to call John. This wasn't going to be a conversation to have on my cell phone in public.

Back in my hotel room, I called John right away. I had to know right then and there: Was it possible this girl was pregnant? Could that be why he seemed so hesitant to break things off with her?

I heard John’s cell phone ringing on the other end. My heart was pounding so hard it felt as though it could have jumped out of my body. After a few rings he answered ...

I turned around and found myself face-to-face with a guy who was sitting one row back on the opposite side of the plane. He was, I guessed, in his early 40s, and his friend sitting next to him looked at least 15 years younger. Both were average looking and neither were really my type.

The older guy, we'll say his name was "Tom," asked me if I swam or was a gymnast when I was younger. Baffled as to what he was getting at, I replied "No." He said he was just wondering because he was noticing that I had pretty defined upper back muscles (I was wearing a tank top) like a swimmer or gymnast would have. I told him I lift weights.

Well, that opened the door to a conversation so he started asking me a few questions like what did I do for a living? Did I live in Manhattan or Florida? Where am I originally from? I came to find out that he and his friend were in town from Florida for the weekend. He then asked me if I wanted to meet up with them the following night and go out for a drink or something. I politely said "Thanks, but no thanks" and began gathering my carry-on luggage to deplane.

As I grabbed my carry-on from the overhead bin, he said, "Between your eyes and muscles you are hot!"

Okay. Did anyone else hear the record screech to a halt because I sure did! Yes, I have sometimes fantasized about meeting a mysterious stranger on a plane or in the airport and experiencing some sort of love connection, but that comment wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

I guess it was nice to hear the compliment, but come on! They were going to see a Yankees game the following day, which I guess was fitting because all I heard in my head was, "You're out!"

Luckily, everything came back negative!

As the doctor took blood and then examined me, she told me just how many women come into her office with the same story as mine. She told me about this one woman who came in for testing as she had learned that her husband had been sleeping with prostitutes--several a day. She also told me a story about another woman who had learned that her husband was cheating--with a man.

I left her office feeling a bit better that I wasn't alone, but I also felt sick. Why do married people think that it's okay to cheat on their spouse? WHY? Tell me...

My doctor ended up calling me personally to tell me that all of the tests came back negative and she took a few moments to inquire about my marriage. Were we going to get back together or were we divorcing, etc.? Her finals words were that in her experience, women learn that once a cheater, always a cheater. She said that in her practice she has seen too many of her patients take their cheating husbands back, only to be cheated on again.

It's so sad. What do you think? Let me know.

John's employer prior to our divorce didn't offer a feasible health plan and so he had been covered by my plan throughout our entire four-year marriage. However, when we began our divorce proceedings I told him that as soon as the divorce was final, I was dropping him from my plan so he had better start shopping around.

Well, in typical John fashion he didn't listen.

Days before our divorce was to be finalized in court he was scrambling to find a health plan he could afford, as COBRA was a costly option, to say the least. He asked me if I could just keep him on my plan for a few more months, but I declined (I had given him plenty of advance notice). He then asked me what he was supposed to do if there were a few weeks or a few months lapse when he didn't have coverage. My response: "Guess you had better hope you don't get sick."

Sure enough, the day our divorce was finalized I marched into my HR department and dropped him from my health insurance. John immediately found his own health plan. Some may view my actions as cold, but John didn't care about my health when he decided to sleep with someone else during our marriage and potentially put me at risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease, so why should I care about his health?