Lately, I've found myself doing something I haven't done for about 10 years. I lay in bed at night unable to fall asleep, stressing about life.

I haven't done this since college, when I would stress about life post-graduation, where would I work, live, etc.? Basically, I would stress about the future. Not exactly the best thing to do right before falling asleep.

Well, I have been doing it again. It doesn't happen every night but there are several nights a week I find myself tossing and turning or just staring off into space ... thinking. I finally fall to sleep well after midnight.

I worry about my financial situation, my credit going down the drain, my sanity, my happiness. Will I ever marry again? Should I ever marry again? And the list goes on. Again, not exactly the best things to be thinking about before trying to get some solid sleep.

Luckily, it hasn't been happening so often that it is impacting my ability to get up in the morning for work, but it still isn't fun or healthy for that matter.

I have found that reading at night while in bed does help but there are some nights when I'm just not in the mood for reading.

It is interesting because I don't recall having so many sleepless nights while going through my divorce. I think that's because I just wanted to sleep. Sleeping took my mind off the pain so I was eager each night to go to bed and slip into dreamland.

I have a secret to share.

Many friends and family members have expressed how proud they are of me. They are proud for how I've held it together during my divorce. They are proud of how I picked up my stuff and moved into an apartment in Manhattan. ("How exciting that must be," they say.) They are proud that I have a career that enables me to support myself.

There's no doubt that I appreciate their words of encouragement but the reality is that most days I feel like a big giant failure. I try not to feel sorry for myself because I know it is not productive but it is hard to push these negative feelings aside.

I feel like a failure for selecting a spouse who ended up being unfaithful. I feel like a failure because my marriage didn't work. I feel like a failure because now I'm in the midst of a financial debacle because of my divorce. This whole experience has been extremely disconcerting and I find it hard to maintain a positive attitude. What I want to know is what did I do to deserve this crap!?

My whole life I have tried to do everything right and where has it gotten me? I dated my ex for five years before marrying and was engaged for two years so I can't say that I rushed into anything. After getting engaged, we decided that we didn't want to rent anymore but own our own home — thought it was a smart financial move. We started with a cute little starter home and then, when talk of children became more serious, we sold and moved into house number two, which was in a better neighborhood with a good school system. Again, thought it was a smart financial move.

Every single move backfired and now I'm paying the consequences. I feel like I failed.

I don't know what my deal is, but I've been so emotional lately.

I have a hunch that I know what my problem is but I'm not certain. I am in the midst of going through a lot of financial crap from my divorce, and I'm nervous about how it will all play out. I believe this nervousness is what's been eating at me.

I often find myself holding back tears at the oddest moments — like when I'm walking to work.

My grandparents call from thousands of miles away to say "hi" and I'll get teary eyed when I hang up the phone, longing for the days when I was a carefree child playing on my grandparents' farm.

I haven't shed any tears since the spring when I was in the midst of my divorce. I thought my well had run dry. But now, this whole financial fiasco has brought them back to a degree.

I'm longing for the day when all of this is over. My new paper shredder is on standby, waiting for the day when I no longer need certain documents from my marriage. I just want to shred it all up and move on with my life!

It is times like these when I wish that I lived out in the middle of nowhere so I could climb a mountaintop, take in a deep breath and just scream at the top of my lungs.

Going through the emotional aspects of a divorce is one thing, but the financial and legal aspect of it all — co-owned houses, co-signed loans, etc. — is just downright frustrating.

I have to give kudos to those women who have children and are divorced or are soon to be divorced and, as a result, must still deal with the ex, face custody battles and so on. I can't even imagine the pain and frustration that causes.

It has been more than a year that I've been dealing with the financial details of my divorce, and now it looks like it will be at least another four months until it is all over. And, to make things worse, I will not come out of it unscathed. At this point, it seems pretty certain that — thanks to him — my once-flawless credit will be ruined for a few years until I can build it back up.

Ever since I was old enough to have a job and a credit card, I have done my best to do everything right. I did my best to be responsible and paid everything on time and my credit score reflected that. Now, thanks to a selfish ex, none of that matters. He has flushed my credibility down the drain.

Each day I battle feelings of failure and vulnerability. I just want my life back — my life before I ever met my ex.

I was out with a couple of girlfriends the other night — neither have been married but are in relationships that are getting pretty serious — and we started talking about marriage.

Being that I was the only one at the table who had been married, I felt compelled to share my thoughts on the whole marriage thing. I tried not to be too negative, but I wanted them to understand that I believe you shouldn't enter marriage with blinders on. It isn't always a happily-ever-after, and as women we need to protect ourselves from the beginning.

When you are in your 20s or early 30s and engaged, the idea of marriage is so exciting. It's all about love and wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person. At least, that's how I felt when I was engaged. Well, time to wake up!

That sounds all warm and fuzzy but the reality is that the "love of your life" can destroy you — not just mentally, but financially — if one day he decides he doesn't want to be married anymore. It's so scary how quickly everything can go downhill.

As a young married couple, the excitement is in building a life together — buying a home, buying cars, opening accounts. When you're first married, you don't think about what's going in whose name because you are "one" and everything is shared. After all, you're going to grow old together, right?

Well, that's great, but if divorce becomes a reality, all of those "shared" things can be devastating to your wallet and credit score.

I wanted my girlfriends to hear this because I care. They are college-educated, career-driven women who are self-sufficient, and I would hate to see some guy jeopardize all they have worked toward.

Being eager to walk down the aisle is fine, but you don't fully understand— until you've been divorced — how a broken marriage can break you. Too often, there is no happily ever after.

Some of the recent posts on First Wives World have talked about feelings of anger and I must say, the writers are not alone.

I'm still dealing with feelings of immense anger, and I often wonder when these feelings will subside. I try to remind myself that my divorce only took place in March and that not even a full year has passed. I try to remember that time does heal. But how much time does it take?

Some days I'm fine. But other days I wake up and I'm pissed off at the world. This feeling often lasts until I reach the office and then once I start talking with my co-workers and getting caught up in the work at hand, I forget about the anger.

I have made some progress. It has been some time since I've acted on my urge to call up my cheating ex and chew his ass out — thanking him for f***ing up my life and telling him that I would've been better off if I'd never met him. It sucks because there are still some financial loose ends that are being wrapped up so I do still have to deal with him to some degree. One day — hopefully very soon — these financial issues will be resolved and I'll be able to erase his number from my phone and try to forget I ever knew him.

I know the anger isn't attractive, but it's still a very real emotion I find myself battling every day. I just want the anger to go away!

It must have been one of those days where I had a big chip on my shoulder.

I stopped by the bank to make a quick deposit. I was filling out the deposit slip before jumping in line for a teller when a bank representative — one of the ones who sit toward the back at a desk — approached me and said he could help me if I was just making a deposit. I said "okay" and followed him to his desk.

I soon discovered that not only was he going to make my deposit, but he was also going to use the opportunity to pitch me other products. He managed to convince me it would be wise to open a savings account with them, to accompany my current checking account.

As part of the process, he went through my profile, which contains information like my former bank, that I had a home for sale, etc. The questions began.

"So, are you married?" he asked. "No, I'm divorced," I replied in sharp tone. He cringed, as if to say he's either sorry for my divorce or sorry he asked.

He then asked about the home that was for sale, and whether I purchased again or was renting. This was obviously his way to trying to determine if he could pitch me on refinancing or establishing an equity line of credit.

I know he had no idea what hell I've gone through for the past year but, nonetheless, his probing pissed me off. In a nutshell, I told him that I didn't repurchase, I'm renting. I've had it with real estate, and don't want nor need any of the bank's products. I really just wanted to reach across the table and slap him.

He was a nice guy, and I know he was just doing his job, but I was in no mood for his questions. Guess I did have a chip on my shoulder that day-a big one.

A recent post about New York legislation that requires notice be given in divorce cases about the potential loss of health insurance when one is covered by a spouse's plan calls to mind my divorce from John, which was finalized in March.

John's employer prior to our divorce didn't offer a feasible health plan and so he had been covered by my plan throughout our entire four-year marriage. However, when we began our divorce proceedings I told him that as soon as the divorce was final, I was dropping him from my plan so he had better start shopping around.

Well, in typical John fashion he didn't listen.

Days before our divorce was to be finalized in court he was scrambling to find a health plan he could afford, as COBRA was a costly option, to say the least. He asked me if I could just keep him on my plan for a few more months, but I declined (I had given him plenty of advance notice). He then asked me what he was supposed to do if there were a few weeks or a few months lapse when he didn't have coverage. My response: "Guess you had better hope you don't get sick."

Sure enough, the day our divorce was finalized I marched into my HR department and dropped him from my health insurance. John immediately found his own health plan. Some may view my actions as cold, but John didn't care about my health when he decided to sleep with someone else during our marriage and potentially put me at risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease, so why should I care about his health?

When dealing with divorce there is, of course, the emotional aspect, but there's also the material aspect. How will the furniture be divided? Who will get the TV and who will get the fancy set of wine glasses? Then there are the wedding photos, the wedding video, etc. This brings me to my main focus: What do you do with the wedding ring?

For me, the answer was fairly easy. Sell the sucker!

I no longer have any need for a ring that was meant to symbolize love, loyalty and devotion--all things John failed to provide. If he could throw my love and our marriage away like rotten leftovers then I could erase all evidence of him from my life.

Initially, I thought about trading the ring in for a new piece of jewelry, like a bracelet, but changed my mind. I figured I would be better served by selling it and depositing the money I would make selling the ring into an interest-bearing account and let that money grow. So, one afternoon I strolled through the Diamond District in Manhattan and hit about six different jewelry stores to see which one would give me the best deal.

When I went to hand the ring to the jewelry salesman, I took a long moment to look at it one last time and surprised myself by becoming a little tearful. The salesman saw my eyes tearing and asked me if I was sure that I wanted to part with it. As thoughts of John's lies and infidelity ran through my mind, I told the salesman as I gave him the ring, "Yes, I'm sure."

So, I have a plan. Yes, it may be a simple plan but simplicity is what I strive for at the moment. The first Saturday following the sale of my house and the move into my apartment, I'm booking a spa day!

I 'm only a few weeks away from end of this real estate chaos but I have a feeling these last few weeks may feel like the longest.

I'm now in the midst of dealing with the results of the inspection report and much to my dismay, I've been slapped with 11 items that the buyers have requested that I repair. The house is only 12 years old and has been well-maintained, so how many items do they think really need to be repaired?!

At the advice of my attorney, I have countered with an offer to give them a little bit of a credit for the bulk of their requests and will take care of a couple of items that I ‘m legally required to address. I ‘m keeping my fingers crossed that the buyers agree to those terms and allow the process move forward.

I'm close to the end but sometimes it feels like I'm soooo far away. I can't wait until my biggest decision for the day is: Do I want the Swedish massage, or should I go for the hot stone treatment?