While You're Waiting...

Live life to the fullest

Posted to Resource Articles by Cathy Meyer on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 9:10am

There is an online site called divorcebusting where women who are trying to save their marriage go for support. I was reading posts on this site and there seems to be one thing the women posting have in common. They are all waiting...

Waiting for their husband's midlife crisis to pass,

Waiting for his affair to end,

Waiting for him to come to his senses,

Waiting for the pain to lessen,

Waiting for life to get back to normal.

If I could say one thing to those women or any woman who is divorced and hoping to restore her marriage, it would be, go ahead and wait. Wait but in the meantime live life wholeheartedly. Live life so wonderfully well that when the thing you have been waiting for happens it will be nothing more than a gentle shiver in a life exquisitely established without it.

Out of the darkness of an unwanted divorce, it is possible to find moments of joy. All it takes is effort. The effort that comes with realizing you can't fix him and shouldn't really have to. You can, however, fix yourself by choosing to live a life without compromise.

As Ghandi said, "In the midst of darkness, light persists." Be persistent in the pursuit of light. Pay close attention to the small moments of joy. Don't fail to appreciate them just because you may have days where getting through seems too much to bare. Don't allow the waiting to get in the way of the thrill that comes from experiencing new beginnings and new opportunities.

An unwanted divorce can dismantle your optimism and upset your equilibrium. It can take the wind out of your sails and you will find yourself dead in the water. If you ever want to make it to the shore of singledom, learn the art of persistence. Explore who you are, mind, spirit and body. Build up your strength, be tenacious about not letting someone else's choices control how much light you have in your life.

One day you will discover that the waiting is over. You will find that it doesn't matter if he ends his affair, or wakes up from his midlife crises or comes to his senses. Because, while you were "waiting" you will have built a life in which his presence is not necessary for you to be happy.

Click the following for a directory of articles to help you keep a healthy mind and spirit through divorce.

Cathy heads up About.com's Divorce Support channel. Go to About.com's Divorce Channel to hear more from her.

Comments

A pattern emerges. I think we

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 08/11/2012 - 7:17am.

A pattern emerges. I think we want the fairy tale so badly that we settle for way less than we deserve. I spent my whole marriage waiting for my ex to love me. He was like that man in Click. Everything but family was a priority. When I realized he spent more time speaking with strangers while on vacation than with family I realized I had wasted enough time on my house of lies. And to be brutally honest he was absent on his best days. We want to see good when it's never going to be better. Who needs that? Best thing about my marriage? I grew up.

I'm a husband who had an

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Mon, 08/13/2012 - 12:39am.

I'm a husband who had an affair...never planned it, never thought I would do it, and if you asked anybody that knows me, I'm the last person you would think would do so. I thought my wife didn't deserve me because of what I did and likewise, I didn't think I deserved her because I got to a point where I didn't feel loved and fell out of love - while my wife was pushing me away, a very attractive younger woman was pursuing me. I got to a point where I filed for divorce. But my wife was patient and prayed and went through a lot and didn't give up on me. She worked on improving herself and continued to pray. My affair ended and I came back to try to reconcile - even though I felt I was out of love, I also felt that I was lacking in my understanding of marriage and didn't know of the right tools to strengthen my marriage (which needs to happen on a daily basis). We forgave each other and try to move forward without bringing up the past and just to slowly try to repair the marriage...a lot of damage still needs to be repaired, but we both are making progress towards a goal to make our marriage normal and even better than before. A potential divorce can be a turning point - it was for us and in some ways, the affair was important - it was a wake-up call for both of us that we need to focus on our marriage....in turning our personal wants into unified wants....turning our individual "ME"s into "WE's". Remember that we are all flawed and it's never perfect but I have realized through all this that marriage is a growing up experience for both of us...and we're learning together and I already see that anything is possible...I could never picture myself as I am now a couple months ago. We find that focusing on having a God-centered marriage is important since it gives us faith that everything will work in the end. We also try to live by focusing on TODAY, forgetting the past, and not worrying about the future. I hope this helps someone who's reading this.

You want a "normal" marriage?

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:24pm.

You want a "normal" marriage? Newsflash, you had one and you were bored so you had an affair. Grow up and put your big boy pants on! What about your wife? She was married to someone like you. Did she have an affair, no she didn't. You are right about one thing, you don't deserve her!

Sorry, I give you 2 years

Submitted by Shea (not verified) on Mon, 08/13/2012 - 9:53pm.

Sorry, I give you 2 years max.....and you will be the one to leave again! There are no words of love, honor or respect for your wife.

why are you on this site if

Submitted by heather (not verified) on Mon, 08/13/2012 - 7:48pm.

why are you on this site if things are working out?

Oh my gosh, are you sure you

Submitted by Guest (not verified) on Sat, 08/11/2012 - 11:18am.

Oh my gosh, are you sure you weren't married to my stbx's twin brother?

WAITING......that is the crux

Submitted by Shea (not verified) on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:35pm.

WAITING......that is the crux of it! I waited for 18 years for him to be the man he said he was, the man I thought he was before we got married. Our routine was every three years, a shake up somehow revolving around him which effected the family in a negative way. I waited patiently for him to do what he needed to do. We were at that 3 year mark again when he walked out, and again I was told I had to change and was threatened with divorce as a way of control. I finally took control and said I WOULD WAIT NO LONGER. The one time I asked for a divorce, I meant it!!!

I love this resource. It

Submitted by Eunice (not verified) on Tue, 07/05/2011 - 7:03pm.

I love this resource. It helped me tremendously during the rebuilding phase of my life.

Waiting for their husband's

Submitted by Barb L (not verified) on Thu, 04/08/2010 - 9:54am.

Waiting for their husband's midlife crisis to pass, Waiting for his affair to end, Waiting for him to come to his senses, Waiting for the pain to lessen, Waiting for life to get back to normal. Well at least they are patient LOL

While You're Waiting...

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