When Your Ex is a Turkey: What to Say to Your Kids

When Your Ex is a Turkey: What to Say to Your Kids

This Thanksgiving I will serve turkey and all the trimmings. It is going to be a Martha Stewart holiday complete with the perfect table setting. A centerpiece of pumpkins and shellacked gourds surrounded by smiling family members sharing gratitude for family, friends, and life in general.

The only problem is, while I’m baking the Turkey I’ll be stewing a pot of anger inside. Recent contact with my ex has left me feeling less than kind toward him. I’m positive that when my youngest shares with the family how grateful he is for the expensive jacket his father recently purchased him, I’m going to have to bite my tongue.

I would like to be able to vindictively remind my son that that nice jacket is one of the few things his father has done for him in more than five years. It would feel as if I had been internally cleansed to be able to tell my son that a decent father doesn’t tell his child, “I’ve been right here waiting for you to call me.”

Waiting for five years for his son to come to him, instead of the father coming to his son!

I’ll bite my tongue because my son doesn’t deserve the spilling forth and putting into words the ill will I feel toward his father. I won’t allow the lid off that pot of anger because to do so would only put me in a league with his father, and the last thing I desire is spreading any more hurt and pain.

Ok, I’m being a little less than honest. I wouldn’t mind seeing his father suffer some consequences. What I wouldn’t give to see him suffer just a fraction of the pain he caused his children! I will let the need to witness that go, if it means my child having peace of mind and a happy Thanksgiving.

Knowing divorce the way I do and the conflict that can take place between divorcing couples, I know I’m not the only one who will be biting her tongue at the Thanksgiving table this year. Therefore, if you, like me, will be stewing in anger while baking your turkey, below are a few tips. They won’t help you deal with your anger, but they will help you keep your anger from spoiling your child’s Thanksgiving.

• When your child comes home from Thanksgiving dinner with his Dad talking about all the new man toys Dad has acquired, smile at your child and say, “That is nice, I’m happy for your Dad.”

• When you child tells you that Dad can’t afford a turkey for Thanksgiving because he “has to pay child support,” smile at your child and say, “That’s too bad, I hope your Dad was able to have a Happy Thanksgiving anyway.” Keep any hint of the satisfaction you feel from showing on your face!

• When your child comes home and tells you how great a cook the Dad’s new girlfriend is, smile at your child and say, “That is nice dear, I’m glad you enjoyed your Thanksgiving dinner.”

• When your child tells you how great the pecan pie was at Dad’s but he wasn’t allowed to bring a slice home because, “Your mom might eat it,” smile and say, “That’s OK, I will make you a pecan pie.” Be especially careful that your child does not see the smoke rising from your ears!

Some fathers are irrational, misguided and unable to keep their children out of the middle of the conflict they have with the mother. It isn’t only during the holidays. With some fathers, the opportunity to use a child to strike back at their mother is an activity engaged in all year round. Let’s face it, some people are nasty, vindictive, and out for revenge at anyone’s expense and at any time.

Your job as a mother is to not allow it to hurt your child.

So, repeat after me, “That is nice, I hope your father has a wonderful Thanksgiving,” and don’t forget to smile.

Truth be told, he probably won’t. But at least your child will.