Selling The Marital Home

Selling The Marital Home

It was a roller coaster ride

In my last post, I mentioned that the legal aspects of my divorce had lingered, for lack of a better word, for seven years. I think First Wives World readers will have a better understanding of the obstacles I faced during those years with some background information.

Here's the thing: I wasn't the one who pursued the divorce. My ex- husband made that decision. Once he had made the decision, there was a paradigm shift in his brain and the man began to live in a parallel universe — one in which there is rational thought.

How my ex dealt with the sale of the marital home proves my point. We agreed to sell our marital home. Once we had a buyer for the home, my former husband was supposed to contract with me for a home of lesser value. I made it clear that I wouldn't agree to sell the marital home unless he, the man with the money, helped me buy another house to raise our two sons in. I even shook hands with him to seal the deal.

Three days after the house went on the market, we had an offer. A phenomenal offer, I might add. I called him and told him about the offer. He was excited, I was excited, the agent was excited and the buyers were ecstatic. I recall thinking to myself that this divorce stuff was going to be a walk in the park.

I'd found a substitute home, called my then-husband and informed him that the real estate agent had the contract and he needed to go by and sign it. He said to me, "You think I'm going to buy you a f*%#ing house to live in?" I reminded him of the agreement we had and told him that I wouldn't sign a sales contract for the marital home if he didn't stand by his agreement. His response was, "Let the bastards find another home to buy."

Being a woman of my word, I didn't sign the sales contract and the martial home was taken off the market. I decided to deal with the housing issue during our first divorce hearing, which took place six weeks later.

We went to court and he once again agreed to contract with me for a house of lesser value once a buyer for the marital home was found. This time the agreement was made in front of both attorneys and all court personnel.

Seven days after putting the marital home back on the market, we had an offer. I called my husband and told him we once again had a buyer. I told him to go by and sign the contract on the substitute home and his response to me was, "You think I'm going to buy you a f@$&ing house to live in?" Okay, the first time he said it was an annoyance — almost understandable given the situation. The second time he said it, I knew I was in trouble and that I was dealing with someone who had lost the ability and the desire to think rationally.

Needless to say, the marital home didn't sell. It didn't sell until two years after the divorce was final and only then, because I was able to find a Family Court judge to order it sold within six months or have it auctioned off.

The moral of the story: You take an irrational man with the financial means to hire an adversarial attorney and throw in the Family Court system, and it's probably going to be a long time before the dust settles, if it ever does settle!

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Cathy Meyer is the head of About.com's Divorce Support channel.